Show Notes
This week is about what happens when you finally stop trying to be okay with what happened to you. Ben sits down with his former therapist, Jessica Serber, who helped him work through years of grief and anger after surviving cancer three times before the age of 24. For a long time, Ben thought healing meant moving on, staying positive, and building a life that had nothing to do with cancer. What he eventually learned was almost the opposite: he couldn’t move through the pain until he let himself actually feel it. They talk about the anger Ben didn’t think he was allowed to have, the parts of his life he felt cancer had taken from him, and how finally telling the truth about those feelings changed his relationship with the experience. They also get into what healing actually looks like when the thing that happened to you never completely goes away, and how to show up for someone you love when there’s nothing you can say to make things better. We’ve been best friends since college. We lived in the same house while Ben was going through chemotherapy and still barely talked about what was actually happening. Years later, sitting down with Jess brought us back to conversations we didn’t know how to have then. If you’ve been carrying pain, anger, grief, or something you’ve convinced yourself you should be “over” by now, this episode is for you. You can’t heal what you won’t let yourself feel. New episodes every Thursday. Follow on the iHeart app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts, and on Instagram at @freetherapy. And as a reminder, we are not therapists, and while this may feel like therapy, it’s not. If you’re struggling, please reach out to a mental health professional who can help.
0:00 Reuniting with his old therapist 10:00 Allowed to feel his anger 17:51 Seeing his cancer as trophies 28:09 What to say when someone's struggling 35:28 Getting uncomfortable to heal 42:24 Grief camp and giving back See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
More from Free Therapy with Ben & Kevin
Kristan Sargeant joins us to explore shadow work, the parts of ourselves we’ve learned to hide, and how they can keep us from going after what we want. You want to speak up, set a boundary, ask someone out or take a chance on something you care about. But then you imagine how it could go wrong, and talk yourself out of it. A coach who studied under Phil Stutz, Kristan explains how she works with the shame and fear of rejection underneath those moments. We get into why understanding your patterns doesn’t automatically change them, how needing everyone’s approval can quietly run your life, and what it means to stay on your own side even when things don’t go your way. She also shares practical exercises for getting to know your shadow and comparing what you’re afraid will happen with what actually happens when you take a risk. If you’ve ever known what you wanted to do and still couldn’t bring yourself to do it, this one is for you.
This week is about what men really need to open up in a relationship, and why asking him to talk about his feelings might be the thing that makes him shut down. Kristina Ferrari is a licensed professional counselor with a master’s in mental health counseling, and she’s been in therapy herself for over 15 years. She makes the case that modern therapy is failing men because it’s built around a style that favors talking things through, while most guys show up wanting to solve something and move forward. As a therapist who does a lot of relationship work, she also challenges the idea that women are better at relationships, including how women communicate when they’re upset. Then she walks us through her REAL framework for working with men: Respect, Expertise, Action, and Leadership. It’s a roadmap for understanding what helps a man feel safe enough to get to the deeper stuff. If you’ve ever said “just tell me what’s going on” and gotten nothing back, this one is for you. New episodes every week. Follow on the iHeart app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts and on Instagram at @freetherapy. And as a reminder, we are not therapists, and while this may feel like therapy, it’s not. So if you’re struggling, please reach out to a mental health professional who can help. 00:00:00 – Intro 00:01:42 – Why Therapy Is Failing Men 00:05:03 – Coaching vs. Therapy 00:17:18 – Women Aren’t Better at Relationships 00:22:41 – The REAL Framework See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
This week is about the journey to healing, not the moment you lose someone, but everything it actually takes to rebuild after. Our guest is Zak Williams, mental health advocate, founder of the wellness brand Pym, and the son of Robin Williams. He's been in therapy since he was a small child, and that lifelong relationship with it is part of what's made him such a vocal advocate for men actually getting help. He talks about what actually helped him heal in the years after his father's death, and makes the case that recovery isn't one big breakthrough so much as a set of small, practical shifts - how you think, how you rest, how you show up for other people. It's less about getting over loss and more about building a life that can hold it. He also opens up about the kind of man his father was off-screen, the kindness and generosity that defined him, and by the end, we talk him into blind-ranking his dad's ten most iconic movies, from Good Morning, Vietnam to Mrs. Doubtfire. If you've ever lost someone and felt like you were supposed to have moved on by now, this one is for you. New episodes every week. Follow on the iHeart app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts and on Instagram at @freetherapy. And as a reminder, we are not therapists, and while this may feel like therapy, it's not. So if you're struggling, please reach out to a mental health professional who can help. 00:00:00 – Intro 00:06:44 – Why Men Misunderstand Therapy 00:12:14 – Training Your Brain Like a Muscle 00:17:33 – Grief, Service, and Healing 00:23:10 – Ranking Robin Williams' Movies 00:28:02 – Building Pym After Loss See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
This week we explore psychedelic therapy with Dr. Nick Brüss, whether it can help you heal, what people misunderstand about it, and why the experience itself is only part of the work. Dr. Nick Bruss is a therapist and researcher who has spent over a decade working in psychedelic-assisted therapy and Internal Family Systems (parts work). We talk about its potential to help people struggling with depression and PTSD, why understanding your past doesn’t always mean you feel better, and what it means to build a different relationship with your emotions. Nick helps us explore what healing requires, and how some of these lessons apply even if you never take psychedelics. If you understand why you’re struggling but still feel stuck, this one might be for you. New episodes every week. Follow on the iHeart app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts and on Instagram at @freetherapy. And as a reminder, we are not therapists, and while this may feel like therapy, it's not. So if you're struggling, please reach out to a mental health professional who can help. 00:00 Intro 05:04 Psychedelic Therapy: Benefits and Risks 08:41 Ketamine, MDMA, Psilocybin, and the Research 15:19 Feeling Stuck and Parts Work 25:36 Getting Better at Feeling 28:41 Integration and Healing Beyond the Session
This week is about OCD, what it actually is, why it's so widely misunderstood, and how it can look nothing like what you'd expect. Allegra Kastens is a licensed therapist here in LA who specializes in OCD, and this is the most in-depth conversation we've had on the topic. She breaks down the real difference between an intrusive thought and a compulsion, and makes the case that fighting or suppressing the thought is what actually keeps OCD in control. It's a far more common condition than people realize, and one of the least visible. If you've ever been scared by your own thoughts, or you love someone whose mind won't let something go, this one is for you. New episodes every week. Follow on the iHeart app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts and on Instagram at @freetherapy. And as a reminder, we are not therapists, and while this may feel like therapy, it's not. So if you're struggling, please reach out to a mental health professional who can help. 00:00:00 – Intro 00:09:00 – What OCD Actually Is 00:15:10 – Taboo Obsessions and Why They're So Common 00:31:29 – OCD vs. OCPD 00:44:08 – Shame, Men, and Staying Silent 00:48:50 – Relationship OCD 00:54:17 – Getting Help See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.