Episode 379: Capable Connections: Mothers and Daughters with David and Sissy

Sissy and David sit down in New York with Craig Melvin to talk about his book Pops, a love letter to his father, who is now in recovery after 15 years of addiction. Craig shares how growing up with an absent dad made him and his wife Lindsay put being present first, even though they sometimes overcorrect. His reminder to his family is “if everything is special, nothing is special.” He talks about helping his kids find their people, and about how years of covering tragedy taught him that the hills and valleys are what build resilience. He hopes his kids will someday remember the awkward bedtime talks and beach walks more than the big VIP moments.

Gratitude can sound like the soft strength in the capability series. Sissy and David argue it’s an essential one, because it teaches kids to hold two realities at once instead of pretending the hard thing isn’t there. They warn against “you should be grateful” responses that shut down emotions and can leave kids feeling shame. Instead, they encourage parents to let feelings have room before helping kids “widen the lens.” Sissy shares how her family’s “wow” practice, borrowed from Kathryn Price’s “delight” finger, now has four-year-old Whit stopping to notice joy at Disney. The hosts offer concrete ideas: name gratitude out loud, ask fresh questions, use “and” instead of “but,” make a gratitude album, write a gratitude letter, and do a gratitude scavenger hunt. They close with a challenge for this week: ask your family “What was hard today, and what was good today?” Then just listen.

As part of the Strengths, Skills, and Strategies podcast season, NBC's Vicky Nguyen shares her family's escape from Vietnam by boat and how growing up as the perpetual "new kid" built her grit. Now she and her husband "manufacture hardship" for their three daughters, like having their middle daughter tell her Taekwondo master herself that she was quitting, because "I can't pedal the bike for you and expect you to learn how to ride it." She also explains why she praises effort over achievement and how parents can help kids face scary news: ask questions first, don't over-explain, and model calm.

In this episode, Sissy and David explore how kids build perseverance by sticking with hard things, and how parents can stay close without stepping in to rescue them. David tells the story of a freshman cross-country runner who finished her first meet long after everyone else, cheered in by teammates who ran back onto the course for her. They share practical ideas: let kids be beginners, look for small everyday chances to keep going, and ask whether it's your child or you who needs relief. They close with Romans 5 and a challenge to tell your kids one of your own unpolished perseverance stories this week.

Amy Julia Becker explains why measuring kids against developmental milestones makes children with disabilities look incapable, and why asking "what's the next small step toward growth?" shows how capable they really are. She describes letting love "wrap around" fear and helping kids feel wanted, valued, and needed. She also shares how person-centered goal-setting turned 12-year-old Penny's dream of living with friends in Chicago into "Mondays, Penny does her own laundry." Her advice for overwhelmed parents is to pick one overwhelming thing, ask "who could help me?", and take one small step toward that person.