Show Notes
In this episode of Sisters in Sobriety, Sonia takes on something she has circled for years: the 12 steps. After years of attending meetings here and there, interviewing addiction experts, and seeing the way the steps have changed people’s lives, she is finally stepping in. Joined by recovery coach, One Day at a Time podcast host, and The 12 Steps for Skeptics author Arlina Allen, Sonia explores Step Two through the lens of skepticism, spirituality, language, and lived recovery. The conversation opens with Sonia’s honest reaction to Step Two: “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” Together, Sonia and Arlina unpack why words like sanity, insanity, God, and character defects can feel outdated or loaded, especially for people who understand addiction through trauma, mental health, coping mechanisms, and neuroscience. They also explore how to “take what you like and leave the rest,” why looking for similarities matters, and how a higher power can be understood in a way that feels personal, flexible, and grounded. Arlina helps reframe Step Two as less about dogma and more about willingness, support, outside perspective, and access to something beyond one’s own fear-based thinking. The episode touches on spirituality versus religion, the pause between impulse and reaction, emotional triggers, “first thought wrong,” and why the hard choice is often the right one. Sonia and Arlina also talk about synchronicity, awe, honesty, music, emotional avoidance, and how sobriety can make room for deeper joy, grief, intuition, and connection. In the personal story segment, Sonia shares how she is beginning to recognize her higher power in real life: in moments of synchronicity, in sober awe, and in choosing honesty. Arlina offers a beautiful reflection on how witnessing someone else heal can soften and heal something inside us, too. The conversation becomes both practical and deeply human—a bridge for anyone who has wanted the wisdom of the steps, but needed a way in that actually feels possible. This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our substack for extra tips, tricks and resources. [00:00:00] Sonia introduces the episode and shares why doing the 12 steps feels like a big deal. [00:02:00] Arlina Allen joins Sonia to begin exploring Step Two. [00:03:00] Sonia explains why the word “sanity” immediately brings up resistance. [00:05:00] Arlina reframes insanity as repeating the same pattern and expecting a different result. [00:06:00] Arlina explains Step Two as the beginning of needing help and outside perspective. [00:08:00] Sonia and Arlina discuss trauma, coping mechanisms, guilt, shame, and neuroscience. [00:10:00] Arlina talks about looking for similarities instead of differences in recovery literature. [00:12:00] Sonia shares the “Fred drinking whiskey in milk” moment that took her out of the Big Book. [00:14:00] Sonia explains how the 12 and 12 and Arlina’s homework softened her resistance. [00:16:00] Sonia describes her current concept of spirituality and a higher power. [00:18:00] Sonia reflects on reliance versus defiance and asking for guidance instead of control. [00:20:00] Arlina explains why surrender is not abdicating responsibility. [00:21:00] Sonia and Arlina explore the difference between impulse, instinct, and inner guidance. [00:23:00] Arlina discusses triggers, condescension, and the power of pausing before reacting. [00:30:00] Sonia shares the qualities she wants in a higher power. [00:32:00] Arlina tells a powerful story about synchronicity, grief, and a sobriety date. [00:40:00] Sonia describes sober awe, inspiration, and the return of her inner life. [00:43:00] Sonia connects higher power to the pause between impulse and reaction. [00:49:00] Sonia shares an emotional story about grief, love, and witnessing healing. [00:54:00] Arlina explains why avoiding pain also blocks joy, awe, and wonder
More from Sisters In Sobriety
Hardship does not pause when someone gets sober. In this episode of Sisters in Sobriety, Sonia welcomes Christina Smallwood, author of Hope in the Hard: Action Steps for Navigating Hardships. Through honest questions and shared recovery experiences, Sonia explores how Christina navigated grief, infertility, adoption, parenting a child with special needs, and a relationship with alcohol that became increasingly difficult to ignore. What happens when drinking becomes a way to quiet grief and insecurity? How can someone look successful while struggling privately? And what makes hope different from toxic positivity? Their conversation explores people pleasing, alcohol as part of an identity, family expectations, and the fear that sobriety means losing the fun. Christina describes hope as an action, rather than a demand to feel positive. She shares the difference between taking a temporary alcohol break and committing to recovery, along with the roles therapy, sponsorship, faith, and honest community played in her experience. They also discuss self-awareness, making amends, and recognizing emotional patterns that repeat across relationships. Behind Christina’s public success is a deeply personal story: losing her father, facing infertility, and navigating her daughter’s surgery while alcohol became a source of escape. She reflects on returning to drinking after seven months alcohol-free, the private turning point that led her toward recovery, and the grace that helped her feel less alone. This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our substack for extra tips, tricks and resources. SIS Links 💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram Episode highlights 01:00 — Meet Christina Smallwood03:00 — People pleasing and honest connection05:00 — The hardship that changed her life06:00 — Losing her father and finding faith07:00 — Hope versus toxic positivity08:00 — Taking recovery one step at a time10:00 — Alcohol, acceptance, and blackouts12:00 — Grief and the shift to daily drinking15:00 — Seeing a joyful sober life modeled16:00 — A seven-month alcohol break17:00 — Family expectations and moderation21:00 — Returning to drinking after surgery24:00 — A private turning point26:00 — Early sobriety and seeking support29:00 — Finding belonging in recovery meetings32:00 — Making amends and receiving grace36:00 — Hiding sobriety in social settings38:00 — Facing the insecurities beneath drinking40:00 — The weight of looking successful43:00 — Feeling less alone in the hard
On Sisters in Sobriety, Sonia and Kathleen support women in changing their relationship with alcohol and trusting themselves along the way. In this episode, Sonia talks with Nikki Sapiro Vinckier, an OB-GYN physician assistant, author of We Deserve More, and founder of Take Back Trust, about advocating for better women’s healthcare. What does medical gaslighting sound like? When does “that’s normal” leave a real concern unanswered? How can perimenopause, sobriety, and changing relationships complicate the way women understand their bodies? Sonia and Nikki explore pain, reproductive health, and the questions patients may hesitate to ask. Nikki explains how to prepare for an appointment, describe symptoms through their impact on daily life, and ask for a clear next step. The conversation covers perimenopause and menopause, trauma-informed care, LGBTQ+ inclusion, weight stigma, and rebuilding trust in a changing body. The conversation becomes personal when Sonia shares the fear and isolation of receiving an HPV result by mail. Their exchange explores sexual-health stigma, gaps in communication, and why questions about prevention and follow-up deserve space in the exam room. This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our substack for extra tips, tricks and resources. Nikki’s Links 📸 Instagram📚 We Deserve More SIS Links 💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast📸 Kathleen’s Instagram
What happens when a successful life includes a private struggle with alcohol? In this episode, Sonia speaks with Casey Davidson, founder of Hello Someday Coaching and host of the Hello Someday podcast, about high achievement, anxiety, and getting out of the drinking cycle. Why can drinking feel like the only way to switch off? What makes the evening “witching hour” so difficult? How can sober curiosity and gray area drinking open a conversation without labels? Sonia and Casey explore early sobriety, moderation, and the value of support from women who understand. Casey shares the practical pieces of her “sober bubble”: asking for help, changing routines, eating before the evening rush, and lowering expectations. She explains her 100-day coaching approach, discusses everyday rewards, and explores how boundaries and community create room for a more satisfying life. From college rugby and corporate pressure to motherhood and nightly red wine, Casey traces the moments that made drinking harder to ignore. She shares how a 100-day commitment grew into lasting sobriety—and how admitting she no longer wanted her corporate job helped lead her toward coaching. This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our substack for extra tips, tricks and resources. Casey’s Links 🌐 Hello Someday Coaching Website📸 Casey’s Instagram — @caseymdavidson
What happens when the drinking stops but the anger stays? Sonia welcomes Zach Brittle, LMHC, Certified Gottman Therapist, Relational Life Therapist, and host of Marriage Therapy Radio. Why can resentment linger after quitting alcohol? How can someone take responsibility without taking all the blame? What happens when partners get sober at different times? Sonia and Zach explore recovery, relationship boundaries, and rebuilding trust beyond counting drinks or sober days. Zach explains his approach to the “wise adult,” pausing before reacting, and playing the movie forward. He describes how Relational Life Therapy connects self-esteem, boundaries, and intimacy, and why having communication tools differs from being ready to use them. Sonia also asks about the difference between celebrating recovery and becoming overconfident. From asking for help during the pandemic to confronting longstanding resentment, Zach shares the experiences behind his recovery. An unforgettable Christmas tree stand, a frustrating gas-station queue, and his and Rebecca’s different paths to sobriety reveal how change has reshaped their marriage and parenting. This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our substack for extra tips, tricks and resources. Zach’s Links Website Instagram Marriage Therapy Radio SIS Links 💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast📸 Kathleen’s Instagram Episode Highlights 00:00 — Introducing Zach Brittle02:00 — Recovery beyond alcohol04:00 — Recognizing personal relapse risks08:00 — Drinking escalates during COVID10:00 — Asking for a sponsor’s help13:00 — Taking inventory of resentment15:00 — Owning his anger without alcohol18:00 — Responsibility versus self-blame20:00 — Anger in the gas-station queue22:00 — The pause that creates choice25:00 — Playing the movie forward27:00 — Recovery becomes a new way of living29:00 — A milestone tests his sobriety33:00 — Why tools alone aren’t enough35:00 — Self-esteem, boundaries, and intimacy40:00 — Partners on different recovery paths46:00 — Setting relationship boundaries47:00 — Alcohol’s impact beyond drink counts49:00 — Connection, fun, and life after drinking56:00 — Modeling recovery for adult children
On Sisters in Sobriety, Sonia welcomes relationship coach, author, and podcast host Monica Tanner to explore conflict, emotional safety, and intimacy when alcohol is no longer the escape hatch. Together, they explore how to ask for support, navigate difficult conversations, and reconnect through change. Does “never go to bed angry” actually help? When does communication become criticism? What happens when drinking or scrolling becomes a way to disappear during conflict? Sonia and Monica explore resentment, sober relationships, and talking about sex without turning the conversation into a performance. Monica introduces relational life therapy concepts, including protective childhood patterns, the emotional “whoosh,” and choosing a response with greater awareness. She shares examples of clear requests, healthy boundaries, side-by-side intimacy conversations, and small routines that create space for connection. Monica also shares how her parents’ divorce shaped her interest in relationships, why late-night arguments brought up fears of abandonment, and how a simple request for reassurance changed those moments in her marriage. Her son’s approaching wedding became the inspiration for her book. This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our substack for extra tips, tricks and resources. Monica’s Links 🌐 Monica Tanner’s Website🎙️ Secrets of Happily Ever After Podcast📖 Bad Marriage Advice SIS Links 💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast📸 Kathleen’s Instagram Timestamped Highlights 01:00 — Meet relationship coach Monica Tanner.02:00 — The divorce that reshaped her idea of marriage.04:00 — Rethinking “never go to bed angry.”06:00 — Asking for reassurance before taking a break.08:00 — Relationship maintenance before a crisis.11:00 — Why conflict can block familiar communication skills.14:00 — Recognizing protective patterns and boundaries.16:00 — Teaching a partner how to love you well.18:00 — Small requests before resentment builds.20:00 — Asking for listening instead of solutions.23:00 — Making requests without criticism.25:00 — Withdrawal, fawning, and old survival strategies.26:00 — Sonia on alcohol, conflict, and getting sober.28:00 — Withdrawing in plain sight.30:00 — Pausing during the emotional “whoosh.”34:00 — Making space for conversations about sex.38:00 — Exploring a broader definition of intimacy.41:00 — When deeper relationship problems need help first.45:00 — Monica’s routines for regular connection.46:00 — Couples work, intensives, and closing reflections.