EP 29: Are You Parenting Your Kids or Your Childhood? ft Dr. Becky Kennedy

This week on (L)earned The Hard Way, Kier Gaines is getting into the business of online outrage, rage bait, and the way social media can quietly shape how we see ourselves, our relationships, and the people around us.From hate-watching content we can't stand to arguing with complete strangers in comment sections, Kier explores why anger can feel so satisfying, how our algorithms keep feeding us more of it, and what happens when we start bringing that same resentment into our real lives. Because here's the thing: Your anger might be justified, but is everything you're giving your energy to actually worth it? Kier also gets personal about the content he's had to stop consuming, the importance of questioning our own perspectives, and why sometimes the healthiest response is simply allowing somebody to be wrong about you.Plus, a listener's voice message sparks an unexpected conversation about aging, perspective, and learning to appreciate the stage of life you're in. This episode isn't about pretending everything is fine or telling people they don't have a right to be angry. It's about recognizing when that anger is serving a purpose and when it's taking more from you than it's giving.Because at the end of the day, you can spend your energy fighting everybody on the internet, or you can use that same energy to build a life you actually enjoy. In This Episode, We Get Into: Why outrage and negativity dominate our social media feeds The difference between justified anger and constantly living in a state of rage Hate-watching, rage bait, and why we keep consuming content that makes us miserable How confirmation bias reinforces what we already believe The danger of bringing online resentment into real-life relationships What anger can cost us emotionally, physically, professionally, and socially Learning when to disengage instead of defending yourself to strangers Why getting older doesn't mean you've stopped growing Connect With Us 🌐 Website: Learned The Hard Way Podcast 🎙️ Leave a Voice Note: Drop Kier a message directly on the site 📧 Email: [email protected] 📱 Follow the Show: Instagram – Learned The Hard Way Pod 👤 Follow Kier: Instagram – Kier Gaines 📚 Get Kier’s first book, It All Starts When You Do, available wherever books are sold. Tap in: Share your thoughts, leave a review, or send this episode to someone who needs the reminder that struggling doesn’t mean you’re failing—and sometimes the next step is simply being willing to try something different. Produced & Edited by Idea to Launch Productions See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For Black men, being strong can sometimes mean becoming the person who carries everything. You’re expected to have the answers, keep it moving, provide for everybody, make people laugh, and figure things out without letting anyone see you struggle. But what happens when the “go-to guy” needs somewhere to go too? In this episode of Learned the Hard Way, Kier Gaines sits down with Charlamagne Tha God for a conversation about what it really means to be a Black man trying to grow, heal, and make sense of life while carrying the weight of everything that comes with it. They talk about grief, emotional expression, friendship, therapy, fatherhood, purpose, and the difficulty of finding spaces where Black men can be honest without having to perform strength. Charlamagne opens up about the experiences that have shaped the way he thinks about life, including the deaths of Nipsey Hussle and Kobe Bryant and the way those losses forced him to confront just how fragile life can be. They also unpack why Black men deserve the freedom to grieve, cry, feel hurt, and process their emotions without those moments becoming entertainment for everyone else. The conversation also gets into something a lot of men may recognize: using humor as a way to connect, but also as a way to avoid what hurts. Kier and Charlamagne explore how you can tell when laughter is helping someone process a difficult moment versus when the joke is actually getting in the way of the conversation that needs to happen. And then there’s the question neither man has an easy answer for: Who takes care of the person who is always taking care of everybody else? For Charlamagne, that question becomes even more complicated as his career and platform continue to grow. More visibility, more success, and more people depending on you don't necessarily mean you have more places where you can be vulnerable. Sometimes, the bigger your world gets, the harder it can be to find a space where you don't have to be “on.” In this episode, we get into: • Why Black men can struggle to find spaces where they feel genuinely safe • The pressure to always be the strong one, even when you're hurting • What grief can teach us about how short and unpredictable life really is • Why seeing Black men express emotion shouldn't feel unusual • The difference between feeling an emotion and knowing how to express it • When humor helps us heal and when it becomes a defense mechanism • Why friendship and community matter so much for men's mental health • The complicated relationship between masculinity, vulnerability, and asking for help • What happens when your career grows faster than your support system • Finding purpose when your life starts expanding in ways you didn't expect • Why Black men deserve spaces where they can take the armor off Connect With Us 🌐 Website: Learned The Hard Way Podcast 🎙️ Leave a Voice Note: Drop Kier a message directly on the site 📧 Email: [email protected] 📱 Follow the Show: Instagram – Learned The Hard Way Pod 👤 Follow Kier: Instagram – Kier Gaines 📚 Get Kier’s first book, It All Starts When You Do, available wherever books are sold. Tap in: Share your thoughts, leave a review, or send this episode to someone who needs the reminder that struggling doesn’t mean you’re failing—and sometimes the next step is simply being willing to try something different. Produced & Edited by Idea to Launch Productions See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What happens when the person you’ve always been isn’t the person you can keep being? For a lot of men, identity can become deeply connected to what we provide, produce, protect, and endure. We learn early that being useful means being valuable, and that pushing through pain, exhaustion, disappointment, and uncertainty is just part of being a man. But what happens when your capacity changes? When your body, career, relationships, responsibilities, or priorities look different than they used to? In this episode of Learn the Hard Way, Keir Gaines gets personal about performance, aging, fatherhood, partnership, ambition, and the complicated process of realizing that the things that once made you feel fulfilled may not work for you anymore. He talks about the pressure men can feel to keep performing even when they’re running on empty, and why losing a former version of yourself can require a kind of grief we don't always give ourselves permission to experience. Keir also explores the difference between resilience and denial, why sometimes pushing harder isn't the answer, and how to recognize when it's time to adapt. He challenges the idea that a man's value should depend entirely on what he brings to the table, while also acknowledging the very real pressures families face when someone is responsible for providing. And maybe most importantly, he asks a question that doesn't have an easy answer: Are you working hard for your family, or are you using your family to justify your ambition? In this episode, Keir talks about: Why performance can become so deeply tied to a man's identity

What do you do when you’re doing everything you’re supposed to do and it still isn’t working? Therapy. Medication. Meditation. Journaling. Working out. Building community. Asking for help. Sometimes we’re told that if we just do the “right” things long enough, eventually we’ll feel better. But what happens when you’re doing all of those things and you’re still struggling? In this episode, Kier Gaines takes on a series of listener questions that get into some of the hardest parts of being human: mental health, relationships, rebuilding after incarceration, family boundaries, and the uncomfortable reality of realizing that the life you’re building may not look the way you thought it would. Kier starts with a listener who has spent years in therapy, tried multiple approaches, built community, and continues to struggle with suicidal thoughts. Rather than treating that struggle as evidence of failure, Kier asks a different question: What if the fact that you’re still here is part of the progress? The conversation explores why healing isn’t always about making difficult thoughts or feelings disappear. Sometimes progress looks like learning how to recognize what’s happening, knowing when to reach for support, and being willing to try a different approach when the one you’ve been using isn’t working anymore. Kier also responds to a man trying to rebuild his relationship after spending time incarcerated. He wants to know what he can do to fix things, but his partner doesn’t have a clear answer for what she needs. Kier breaks down why “I don’t know” can actually be an honest answer, why both people can be struggling at the same time, and how guilt can make us rush toward solutions before we’ve actually dealt with the emotions underneath them. Because sometimes you’re so focused on explaining why you’re hurting that you stop being curious about what the other person has been carrying. The episode also tackles what happens when a parent moves into or near your household. Kier talks about the boundaries couples need to establish before the toothbrush is already in the bathroom and everyone is trying to figure out who gets a say. From parenting and decision-making to privacy and marriage, the conversation asks a bigger question: Who gets access to what? ⚠️ Content Warning This episode includes a conversation about suicide, suicidal thoughts, and mental health struggles. Please use discretion while listening if these topics may be difficult or triggering for you. If you or someone you know is struggling, support is available: 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline Call or text 988 for free, confidential, 24/7 crisis support. Crisis Text Line Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor. SAMHSA National Helpline Call 1-800-662-4357 (HELP) for free, confidential, 24/7 treatment referral and information for mental health and substance use concerns. FindTreatment.gov Find mental health and substance use treatment facilities and resources in your area. NAMI HelpLine Call 1-800-950-6264 or text NAMI to 62640 for mental health information and support. Mental Health America Visit mhanational.org for mental health information, screening tools, and resources for finding support. For Veterans, Service Members, and Their Loved Ones: Call 988 and press 1, or text 838255 to reach the Veterans Crisis Line. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department. In This Episode What to do when everything you’ve been trying still doesn’t seem to work

What happens when you finally get the thing you’ve been working for and realize the hard part isn’t over? For a lot of men, success can feel like a finish line. We imagine that once we get the opportunity, the money, the title, or the recognition, the uncertainty will disappear. But what if success doesn’t mean you’ve made it? What if it just means you’ve entered a new version of the work? In this episode of Learned the Hard Way, Kier Gaines sits down with Hollywood producer and New York Times bestselling author Will Packer for an honest conversation about ambition, rejection, confidence, purpose, and the cost of the grind. Will opens up about the years before the success people see now including delivering newspapers at 3 a.m. and eating ramen while trying to build a career in Hollywood and why he kept going when he wasn't even sure the work would pay off. Together, Kier and Will unpack “healthy arrogance,” learning how to believe you belong without believing you’re better than everyone else, and why sometimes the most important thing you can do is pivot. They also talk about learning from rejection, separating your identity from your biggest wins and worst moments, and holding two realities at once: being exhausted by the life you prayed for while still being grateful that you get to live it. Most importantly, this conversation asks a deeper question: Are you chasing success because it’s connected to your purpose or because you need it to prove something about you? In This Episode: The years of struggle nobody sees before the breakthrough