Episode 7: Olivia Jackson | fetal hydrops, birth at 32 weeks, NICU, neonatal loss, postpartum grief, sibling grief

In this episode, I sit down with Fatima El-Assaad, medical scientist, mum and founder of The Stillness, to talk about the stillbirth of her daughter Aya. During a routine appointment while pregnant through the COVID lockdowns, Fatima learned that Aya no longer had a heartbeat. She shares the experience of giving birth to Aya, washing and caring for her according to her Islamic faith, and the joy and love that existed alongside unimaginable grief when she finally met her. Fatima also speaks about the lack of culturally responsive resources for families experiencing pregnancy and infant loss, which helped inspire The Stillness. We talk about sibling grief, miscarriage, pregnancy after loss, perinatal anxiety and the ways families continue to love and parent babies who are no longer physically here.

In this episode, I sit down with Alex and Jackson to share the story of their spontaneous triplet pregnancy. After initially believing they were having twins, they learned Alex was pregnant with triplets. Given their experience of their daughter Frankie being born prematurely, Alex's cervical history and severe HG, they faced the devastating decision to selectively reduce the pregnancy to give their remaining baby the best chance of survival. At 20 weeks, despite a cervical stitch and their baby continuing to thrive, Alex went into labour and they lost their baby. Alex and Jackson speak openly about the guilt that can follow loss, saying goodbye to their babies, explaining loss to Frankie, and the different ways partners experience and process grief.

After six years of fertility treatment, Erin Holland had learned not to assume that a positive pregnancy test meant she would bring home a baby. In this episode, I sit down with Erin to talk about multiple rounds of IVF, failed transfers, miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy, and the emotional toll of continuing to try when it felt like her body kept letting her down. Erin speaks candidly about using work to cope, watching friends move into motherhood while she remained in a cycle of waiting, and the complicated feelings that came with pregnancy announcements and baby showers. After approximately 20 rounds of IVF treatment, Erin finally became pregnant with her daughter. But after years of loss, a positive pregnancy test no longer brought uncomplicated excitement. Even as her pregnancy progressed, Erin struggled to trust that everything would be okay, particularly when further complications emerged at 28 weeks. We also explore what recurrent loss can take from you, the guilt and self-blame that can accompany infertility, and why finally having the baby you've longed for doesn't erase everything it took to get there.

In this episode, I chat to Lisa De Sanctis, mum to Frederick and Evelyn, about experiencing miscarriage after two uncomplicated pregnancies. Lisa's third pregnancy was unexpected but deeply welcomed, and she quickly began imagining life as a family of five. While away on a family holiday, she began bleeding, followed by days of uncertainty before learning the pregnancy wasn't viable. Lisa speaks candidly about miscarrying naturally, continuing to parent two young children, and the months afterwards when she realised she still wasn't herself. We also talk about sharing loss publicly, finding comfort in connection, approaching her baby's due date without being pregnant again, and the uncertainty of whether they will try for another baby. It's an honest conversation about the grief that continues long after the physical loss, and the fact that not every story needs to end with another pregnancy.

In this episode, I chat to Abbey, mum to Parker and newborn Oakley, about experiencing three miscarriages while trying to grow her family. After falling pregnant easily with Parker, Abbey never expected trying for their second child to become so consuming. She shares her first miscarriage over Christmas, the two losses that followed, and how trying to conceive began to affect her mental health and relationship. Abbey also speaks honestly about the guilt of grieving while already having a healthy child, why she decided to share her losses publicly, and the anxiety that followed her throughout her pregnancy with Oakley. It's a beautiful conversation about allowing yourself to grieve, no matter how early the loss, and the importance of simply holding space for someone when there are no words that can fix it.