
Show Notes
In this week’s episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, we welcome back Carl Draper for part two of our conversation. In the first part, Carl shares his personal experiences as a parent, how his understanding of behaviour has changed over time, and why unmet needs and stress responses are so often misunderstood. In this second part, Carl reflects on the challenges we can’t always predict or prevent, the importance of support systems and environment, and what helps parents regulate their own emotions when things feel overwhelming. Biography Carl Draper was born in a North Nottinghamshire mining village and moved to Bournemouth at 19, where he served as a beach lifeguard and discovered his love for surfing. Accepted into the Royal Marines, his plans changed after a serious leg injury during a heroic rescue, an event that earned him a Local Hero Award and a feature on BBC’s 999 Rescue. He later became RNLI head trainer for lifeguards across Dorset, then served over a decade with Dorset Ambulance Service. Shifting to education, he trained firefighters and police nationwide before retraining as a mental health nurse. Carl is currently studying at Bournemouth University. In 2015, he founded Waveslider, winning the Bournemouth Tourism Award in 2017, and began documenting life with his son Bodhi in 2020. Key Takeaways Not everything can be planned for, and learning to cope with the unexpected is an essential life skill Avoiding triggers completely can increase anxiety over time rather than reduce it The right support system — at home, at school, or beyond — can be life-changing for families Routine provides security but can also create vulnerability during periods of change Parents need their own ways to regulate stress and should seek support without guilt
Connect with Carl Draper Follow Carl’s journey with his son Bodhi on the Waverslider Photography Facebook Page Follow Carl on Instagram Connect with The Autism Mums https://theautismmums.com/ Follow us on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theautismmums Follow us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theautismmums Transcript Victoria Bennion: [00:00:00] Hello and welcome back. This is part two of our conversation with Carl Draper. Carl is currently training to be a mental health nurse and he's the founder of Wave Slider, where he shares his brilliant photos and documents life with his son Bodhi. Victoria Bennion: Frank Bodi's Assistance Dog is also a regular on Wave slider. If you haven't listened to part one yet, we'd really recommend going back first because Carl shares some powerful context about what challenging behavior can look like and how much can change when we start meeting a child's stress response with calm. Victoria Bennion: In today's episode, we pick up the conversation by talking about the things we can't always predict or control. Those sudden changes, those moments where a plan falls apart and the ways that it can trigger big feelings for our children and for us too. So let's jump back in. Victoria Bennion: Are there any steps that you can take, do you think, to prevent the behaviors before they escalate, [00:01:00] before they reach that peak? Carl Draper: That's really hard question. Because a lot of the times where we're getting to the stage with the things we're speaking about now. What you are now asking is what do we do about the things we can't control? Victoria Bennion: true. Carl Draper: What you can't see coming? For example, there's a plane coming at three 30 this afternoon. Carl Draper: Fine, we'll go after school, mate, pick you up. You get down to the airport at three 15 and the fog rolls in Victoria Bennion: Oh, that's so true. Carl Draper: and now the plane's diverted and he can see it on the tracker going the opposite direction. Carl Draper: Are things out of your control. So a good one I've had a, a lot of stick on wave slider recently because we've had the fireworks, you know, the bonfire period, bonfire night, where a lot of animals get distressed.
More from The Autism Mums Podcast
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In this episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, we're joined by autistic author, speaker and former teacher Pete Wharmby. We first saw Pete speak at the SEND protest in London, and we knew straight away we wanted him on the show. Pete's latest book, Different Minds: How We Can Help Our Autistic School Children Thrive, looks at what school is really like for autistic children, and why so many of them are struggling. Drawing on his years in the classroom, his own school days and his experience as a parent of an autistic daughter, Pete talks about the inflexibility of mainstream school, from strict uniform rules to stationery checks, and why the problem lies with the system rather than with our children. We also talk about masking, the signs that a child may be holding it together at school and paying for it at home, how masking can tip into burnout, and how Pete recognises burnout in himself as an adult. Pete shares his thoughts on lunchtimes and break times, why lockdown "broke the spell" of school for so many families, and the one idea he'd love every teacher to understand: the double empathy problem. About Pete Wharmby Pete Wharmby is an autistic author and speaker who was diagnosed as autistic at 34, and later with ADHD. He spent many years working as a teacher before turning his focus to autism and neurodiversity awareness and acceptance, after being shocked by the statistics around depression, anxiety and life expectancy for autistic people. Pete now delivers talks, keynotes and training for schools, workplaces and organisations across education, health and justice. He is the author of What I Want to Talk About, Untypical and his latest book, Different Minds. He's also a parent to an autistic daughter. Key Takeaways Autistic children's struggles at school are not their fault, and school refusal is far more likely the less flexible the school environment is. Mainstream school has become more rigid over the last 15 years, at the same time as awareness of neurodivergence has grown, creating a real clash for families. Autistic children need flexibility around uniform, lunchtimes, homework and timetables, because every child's needs are different. Meltdowns after school rarely come from nowhere; they're often the result of a day full of sensory and social stress. Masking at school often carries on at home, so look for exhaustion, irritability, "blank positivity" about the day and a lack of detail. Encouraging a child to stop masking completely at school can put them at risk, so the priority is giving them real downtime at home. Masking can eventually give way to burnout, which can then lead to depression if it isn't recognised and supported. Break times and lunchtimes are unstructured and can be the hardest part of the day for some autistic children. Talking openly with children about autism helps them understand their own brains and make their own choices, such as when to socialise and when to rest. For many autistic children, lockdown showed that school as we know it isn't inevitable, and many families have since chosen home education. A child's enthusiasm for school is fragile, and once broken it is very hard to rebuild. Autistic children respond to teachers who show humanity and can admit when they've got something wrong. The double empathy problem means autistic and non-autistic people can misunderstand each other, and teachers, as the adults, should help bridge that gap. A lack of eye contact or a direct way of speaking is not rudeness; it's often simply an autistic way of communicating.
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