Episode 82: Your Self-Concept: Where It Came From and Why It's Wrong
"You Are A Lot" (an ADHD/AuDHD podcast)Show Notes
In this episode, I dig into something I cannot believe I haven't talked about yet in almost three years of doing this podcast: the self-concept. It's the story we carry about who we are, and for most of us with ADHD, that story was written by other people; teachers, parents, caregivers and it's usually pretty negative. I talk about how to start rewriting it using the identity triad from Siri Solden's work: your core sense of self, your feelings about your brain, and your relationship with the world. I also get into the four kinds of destructive messages; you messages, they messages, duh messages, and absorbed messages that built the self-concept we're carrying around, and why this work is joyful, lifelong, and something you get to own as an adult. For ad-free episodes out a day early, video versions, transcripts, and a second ad-free Patreon only episode every Thursday - support Jen by subscribing to Patreon at just $7.99/mo or get 15% off if you pay annually. You'll get to suggest episode ideas as well! Join Jen's New Co-Work Community online! I started something called ☕️The Co-Work Community. It's an online co-working (aka body doubling) space & community for neurodivergent humans! There are other online co-working spaces but where else can you do your work, tasks, or chores with other neurodivergent people and ME, every single day for ONLY $15 a month? Answer? Nowhere! You'll help yourself AND you're supporting a neurodivergent solopreneur woman-owned start-up business. Shop Jen's Favorite ADHD Supports (with Discounts) Jen's Printables I created these printables (or write directly in them online as digital downloads) for people who love having fun little extras to add to their systems. I have journal prompts, easy mode to do lists, places to log books you've read/books to read, places to thought spiral and sort, as well as ADHD Guides filled with facts. Brain.fm — A Focus Tool I Use Every Day I listen while I work and I can feel my brain lock in. It's not AI, or binaural beats. Brain.fm is science-backed sound made by musicians and scientists for ADHD brains. I want you to try it for 30 days free, with my link! Little Ouchies - Self Regulation Stim Tools! I LOVE my Little Ouchies. I use them daily when I'm working, writing, thinking, and it really helps me to stay in the moment by regulating my nervous system. I tend to ruminate with Imposter Syndrome when I'm in deep work. It's also just fun and feels good, so even watching TV or other mindless activities are made more stimulating by rolling one in my hands. Get 10% off with this link and use ALOT10 at checkout! Bookshop.org — Books I Recommend I love Bookshop.org because every purchase supports your local independent bookstore, not Amazon, while still shipping directly to you. I've curated book lists on ADHD/AuDHD and mental health, and you can get 20% off everything when you shop using my link. Hugimals — Weighted Comfort for Kids & Adults I own Hugimals, give them as gifts, and love that they're made by a neurodivergent founder who understands nervous system needs. These weighted stuffed animals and pillows help with anxiety and overwhelm, and you can get 15% off anytime using my link and code JENKIRKMAN (it never expires). The Time Timer - a Cute Visual Time Tool! I use my Time Timer every single day to help me visualize time during work blocks, and to gamify chores. There's no discount, but when you use my link I earn a percentage that goes directly into supporting this podcast. The Big A## Calendar I have the Big A## wall calendar that maps out the entire year and the Big A## personal planner with 365 days in one view, dry erase markers, color coded labels. With my unique link you can get 10% off of your order. Appointed — Planners, Notebooks & Desk Goods Appointed notebooks are my go-to for my spiral notebooks, day planners, calendars and Le Pen pens for list-making, journaling, and planning. Save 15% off with my link and code JENKIRKMAN. Bearaby - W
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In This Patreon Only Episode Part 2: I talk to my friend Melissa Stephens about our journeys to an AuDHD diagnosis, being literal, being too trusting and needing to stay safe, neurodivergent humor, OCD, panic attacks, and phobias. 🎉 Support me in hititng my end of year Patreon goal of 400 paid subscribers! Only $7.99 a month or take advantage of my Special October sale 31% off of an annual membership! Click here to join us! Show Notes Mel's comedy special "Sparkles" On You Tube Mel's Instagram Channel Want to get a weekly wrap-up of the "You Are A Lot" ADHD/AUDHD Podcast with special offers and tips? Click to sign up for the weekly newsletter. Join Jen's New Co-Work Community online! I started something called ☕️The Co-Work Community.It's an online co-working (aka body doubling) space & community for neurodivergent humans! There are other online co-working spaces but where else can you do your work, tasks, or chores with other neurodivergent people and ME, every single day for ONLY $15 a month? Answer? Nowhere! You'll help yourself AND you're supporting a neurodivergent solopreneur woman-owned start-up business. Take Jen's Sunday Scaries Somatic Class or get on the mailing list to find out about future classes! Shop Jen's ADHD/AuDHD Merchandise Store Get the ADHD To Do List Coffee Mug The Be Nice To Me I Have ADHD Primary Colors (totes, tees, magnet, socks, hats, pillows) The Be Nice To Me I'm AuDHD Primary Colors (totes, tees, magnet, socks, hats, pillow) The Be Nice To Me I'm AuADHD Pastel Colors (totes, tees, magnets, socks, hats, pillows) The Be Nice To Me I Have ADHD Pastel Colors (totes, tees, magnet, socks, hats, pillow) The You Are A Lot Podcast logo collection (totes, tees, magnets, hats, socks, stickers) Shop Jen's Favorite ADHD/AuDHD Supports Amazon Storefront. Jen's must-haves for self care, journaling, home/office, making life with ADHD/AuDHD more pleasant. Appointed — Planners, Notebooks and Desk Goods. Appointed notebooks are my go-to for my spiral notebooks, day planners, calendars and Le Pen pens for list-making, journaling, and planning. Save 15% off with my link and code JENKIRKMAN. The Big A## Calendar I have the Big A## wall calendar that maps out the entire year and the Big A## personal planner with 365 days in one view, dry erase markers, color coded labels. With my unique link you can get 10% off of your order. Bookshop (dot org) You get 20% off everything with my unique affiliate link. Browse my curated recommended book lists for ADHD, Autism, mental health, women's health, and more. Every purchase supports your local brick and mortar bookstore. Brain Based Somatic ReWiring I have a monthly membership to this incredible online resource where I do daily practices to rewire my brain to nervous system safety. Incredible if you're wanting to increase resilience, work on CPTSD, feel traumatized by being neurodivergent and need some relief! 2 WEEK free trial for you with my link. Brain.fm A Focus Tool I Use Every Day I listen while I work and I can feel my brain lock in. It's not AI. It's science-backed sound made by musicians and scientists for ADHD brains. I want you to try it for 30 days free, with my link! Hugimals — Weighted Comfort for Kids/Adults. I own Hugimals, give them as gifts, and love that they're made by a neurodivergent founder who understands nervous system needs. These weighted stuffed animals and pillows help with anxiety and overwhelm, and you can get 15% off anytime using my link and code JENKIRKMAN (it never expires). Little Ouchies - Self Regulation Stim Tools! I LOVE my Little Ouchies. I use them daily when I'm working, writing, thinking, and it really helps me to stay in the moment by regulating my nervous system. I tend to ruminate with Imposter Syndrome when I'm in deep work. It's also just fun and feels good, so even watching TV or other mindless activities are made more stimulating by rolling one in my hands. Get 10% off with this linkand use ALOT10 at chec
In this episode: I talk about passive suicidal ideation in ADHD/AuDHD. I share what the research says about this level of burnout in neurodivergent people, and I recommend some podcasts and articles from mental health professionals on the topic. 🎉 Help me hit my end of year Patreon goal of 400 paid subscribers! Only $7.99 a month or take advantage of my Special October sale 31% off of an annual membership! Click here to join us! Show Notes Mentioned In This Episode: Divergent Conversations Podcast Episode 134: Navigating Suicidality and Safety for Neurodivergent Minds. Click to listen and read the blog.
🎉 Help me hit my end of year Patreon goal of 400 paid subscribers! Only $7.99 a month or take advantage of my Special October sale 31% off of an annual membership! Click here to join us! In This Patreon Only Episode: I talk to my friend Melissa Stephens about our journeys to an AuDHD diagnosis, being literal, being too trusting and needing to stay safe, neurodivergent humor, OCD, panic attacks, and phobias. Show Notes Mel's comedy special "Sparkles" On You Tube Mel's Instagram Channel Become a paid Patreon member. You'll get ad-free episodes, video versions, transcripts, a live Q&A with Jen every month and a second ad-free Patreon only episode every Friday - support Jen by subscribing to Patreon at just $7.99/mo or get 15% off if you pay annually. You'll get to suggest episode ideas as well! Prices go to $9.99 on Jan 1st, 2027 - get grandmothered in now at the legacy price! Want to get a weekly wrap-up of the "You Are A Lot" ADHD/AUDHD Podcast with special offers and tips? Sign up for the every Saturday newsletter *Join Jen's New Co-Work Community online! I started something called ☕️The Co-Work Community. It's an online co-working (aka body doubling) space & community for neurodivergent humans! There are other online co-working spaces but where else can you do your work, tasks, or chores with other neurodivergent people and ME, every single day for ONLY $15 a month? Answer? Nowhere! You'll help yourself AND you're supporting a neurodivergent solopreneur woman-owned start-up business.**** Get on the mailing list about Somatics Classes with Jen here. Shop Jen's ADHD/AuDHD Merchandise Store Get the ADHD To Do List Coffee Mug The Be Nice To Me I Have ADHD Primary Colors (totes, tees, magnet, socks, hats, pillows) The Be Nice To Me I'm AuDHD Primary Colors (totes, tees, magnet, socks, hats, pillow) The Be Nice To Me I'm AuADHD Pastel Colors (totes, tees, magnets, socks, hats, pillows) The Be Nice To Me I Have ADHD Pastel Colors (totes, tees, magnet, socks, hats, pillow) The You Are A Lot Podcast logo collection (totes, tees, magnets, hats, socks, stickers) Shop Jen's Favorite ADHD/AuDHD Supports (with Discounts) Jen's Printables I created these printables (or write directly in them online as digital downloads) for people who love having fun little extras to add to their systems. I have journal prompts, easy mode to do lists, places to log books you've read/books to read, places to thought spiral and sort, as well as ADHD Guides filled with facts. Brain.fm — A Focus Tool I Use Every Day I listen while I work and I can feel my brain lock in. It's not AI. It's science-backed sound made by musicians and scientists for ADHD brains. I want you to try it for 30 days free, with my link! WisprFlow: It's a talk to text app that helps me as a person who needs to verbally write sometimes, whether it's a brain dump journal entry or composing an episode of this podcast. It types very fast and always understands my words perfectly. Get 25% off with my unique affiliate link! Hugimals — Weighted Comfort for Kids/Adults. I own Hugimals, give them as gifts, and love that they're made by a neurodivergent founder who understands nervous system needs. These weighted stuffed animals and pillows help with anxiety and overwhelm, and you can get 15% off anytime using my link and code JENKIRKMAN (it never expires). Bookshop (dot org) You get 20% off everything with my unique affiliate link. Browse my curated recommended book lists for ADHD, Autism, mental health, women's health, and more. Every purchase supports your local brick and mortar bookstore. Little Ouchies - Self Regulation Stim Tools! I LOVE my Little Ouchies. I use them daily when I'm working, writing, thinking, and it really helps me to stay in the moment by regulating my nervous system. I tend to ruminate with Imposter Syndrome when I'm in deep work. It's also just fun and feels good, so even watching TV or other mindless activities are made more stimulating by rolling on
🎉 Help me hit my end of year Patreon goal of 400 paid subscribers! I'm at 255 now. Will you be number 256? In this episode: I talk about what to do when there's too much ADHD/AuDHD information and you don't know where to start, including this podcast's back catalog. I cover why there's no perfect way to learn, what acceptance really means, an exercise for figuring out how you want to feel, small ways to work through my episodes, and why all ADHD advice comes down to saying the same things over again anyway. Become a paid Patreon member. You'll get ad-free episodes, video versions, transcripts, a live Q&A with Jen every month and a second ad-free Patreon only episode every Friday - support Jen by subscribing to Patreon at just $7.99/mo or get 15% off if you pay annually. You'll get to suggest episode ideas as well! Prices go to $9.99 on Jan 1st, 2027 - get grandmothered in now at the legacy price! Want to get a weekly wrap-up of the "You Are A Lot" ADHD/AUDHD Podcast with special offers and tips? Sign up for the every Saturday newsletter *Join Jen's New Co-Work Community online! I started something called ☕️The Co-Work Community. It's an online co-working (aka body doubling) space & community for neurodivergent humans! There are other online co-working spaces but where else can you do your work, tasks, or chores with other neurodivergent people and ME, every single day for ONLY $15 a month? Answer? Nowhere! You'll help yourself AND you're supporting a neurodivergent solopreneur woman-owned start-up business.**** Get on the mailing list about Somatics Classes with Jen here. Shop Jen's ADHD/AuDHD Merchandise Store Get the ADHD To Do List Coffee Mug The Be Nice To Me I Have ADHD Primary Colors (totes, tees, magnet, socks, hats, pillows) The Be Nice To Me I'm AuDHD Primary Colors (totes, tees, magnet, socks, hats, pillow) The Be Nice To Me I'm AuADHD Pastel Colors (totes, tees, magnets, socks, hats, pillows) The Be Nice To Me I Have ADHD Pastel Colors (totes, tees, magnet, socks, hats, pillow) The You Are A Lot Podcast logo collection (totes, tees, magnets, hats, socks, stickers) Shop Jen's Favorite ADHD/AuDHD Supports (with Discounts) Jen's Printables I created these printables (or write directly in them online as digital downloads) for people who love having fun little extras to add to their systems. I have journal prompts, easy mode to do lists, places to log books you've read/books to read, places to thought spiral and sort, as well as ADHD Guides filled with facts. Brain.fm — A Focus Tool I Use Every Day I listen while I work and I can feel my brain lock in. It's not AI. It's science-backed sound made by musicians and scientists for ADHD brains. I want you to try it for 30 days free, with my link! WisprFlow: It's a talk to text app that helps me as a person who needs to verbally write sometimes, whether it's a brain dump journal entry or composing an episode of this podcast. It types very fast and always understands my words perfectly. Get 25% off with my unique affiliate link! Hugimals — Weighted Comfort for Kids/Adults. I own Hugimals, give them as gifts, and love that they're made by a neurodivergent founder who understands nervous system needs. These weighted stuffed animals and pillows help with anxiety and overwhelm, and you can get 15% off anytime using my link and code JENKIRKMAN (it never expires). Bookshop (dot org) You get 20% off everything with my unique affiliate link. Browse my curated recommended book lists for ADHD, Autism, mental health, women's health, and more. Every purchase supports your local brick and mortar bookstore. Little Ouchies - Self Regulation Stim Tools! I LOVE my Little Ouchies. I use them daily when I'm working, writing, thinking, and it really helps me to stay in the moment by regulating my nervous system. I tend to ruminate with Imposter Syndrome when I'm in deep work. It's also just fun and feels good, so even watching TV or other mindless activities are made more stimu
In this Patreon only episode: I am posting a video/audio replay where answered your questions LIVE on Patreon back in September about all things from what getting caught up feels like, why ADHD humans resist and doubt things at first, somatics, handling eating and meal prep, and how to keep friends. To listen to or watch the entire episode - become a paid Patreon member. You'll get ad-free episodes, video versions, transcripts, a live Q&A with Jen every month and a second ad-free Patreon only episode every Friday - support Jen by subscribing to Patreon at just $7.99/mo or get 15% off if you pay annually. You'll get to suggest episode ideas as well!