“It’s a Yes Machine”: What Teens Wish We Knew About AI in School

Your child has probably already seen something online they shouldn’t have. The real question is whether they’ll come and tell you. Most kids don’t, and the reason is simple: they’re afraid you’ll get angry and take their device away. In this episode, Serene and I unpack my Dear Tween conversation with a tween who said it straight out: punish me for telling you, and I’ll never tell you anything again. We talk about why kids are being targeted with violent, hateful and adult content on mainstream apps like YouTube and Roblox, the difference between a child breaking a rule and a child stumbling onto something horrible, and what to say before anything ever happens. You’ll walk away with one family code word, one promise to make, and a few easy ways to start the conversation tonight, no eye contact required. Listen to the Dear Tween episode with your child first, then this one, and share both with a parent who needs them. For more on kids, teens, and digital life, find us on Dear Teen, Dear Tween, and Don’t Tell My Parents.

On this week's Dear Teen, a teen told me that scrolling when she's stressed feels comforting, even though it doesn't actually make her feel better. So why do teens want to escape in the first place? Serene and I dig into what she shared: the difference between healthy and unhealthy coping, why numbing out with social media works a lot like other ways adults numb out, and why the algorithm, not your kid, is doing most of the pulling. We talk about how much time teens are really spending online, why their brains need real silence to figure out who they are, and what it means to grow up with so many voices, including AI influencers, telling you who to be. Plus simple things parents can do: model healthy coping out loud, keep phones away at the dinner table, sit on the couch and get curious about what your kid watches, and build low-key, phone-free time with other families. And yes, we talk about the fact that our kids say we're just as bad as they are. Don't Tell My Parents is the parent companion to Dear Teen and Dear Tween. Listen to all three to hear what your teens and tweens are really thinking.

In Part 1, Why It's Worth Waiting to Give Your Kid a Phone, we gave you the research. This week, real life put it to the test. Just days after recording, Serene's not-yet-eleven-year-old son came home frustrated and in tears after a neighborhood game of hide-and-seek where almost everyone had a phone but him. So what do you do when your child melts down over not having a smartphone? Allison walks Serene through it step by step: let them vent, validate what feels unfair, say one clear line about why the answer is still no, and then help them find their own solutions. (Serene's son came up with a brilliant one on his own.) Allison also shares a clever setup one mom used, so her child could join group chats from her phone, plus the caveats parents need to know. To finish, they tackle the three arguments every kid uses to ask for a phone: "All my friends have one," "I need it to be safe," and "I'm missing out," and exactly what to say back. Because delaying smartphones isn't just a family decision. It's a collective action problem, and we're all in this together.

Every year you delay a smartphone makes a difference. This week on Don't Tell My Parents, Allison Ochs and Serene Xefos start a two-part series on phones with the evidence. It begins with a 10-year-old from Dear Tween (Serene's own son) explaining why football after school is more fun when nobody has a phone. From there, Allison walks through the research, including the Sapien Labs global study of nearly 28,000 young adults and a Children's Hospital of Philadelphia study linking early smartphone ownership to depression, poor sleep, and obesity. They also cover the real difference between a smartphone and a dumb phone, the ground rules Allison uses with families, why she thinks no one under 15 should be texting, and what Serene found in her son's 50+ group chats. Next week in Part 2: what to say and do when your child tells you they're the only one without a phone. Also listen to Dear Tween and Dear Teen, wherever you get your podcasts.

85% of US teens play video games, and some boys are clocking up to 34 hours a week, more time than they spend in school. Allison and Serene break down why "just take away the console" doesn't work, and what does. The turning point comes from a teen who used to game heavily and stopped: "It's almost never about the game itself. It's friends, habit, and prestige." Real strategies for helping your kid step back, without the fight.