#46 Dopamine, Heartbreak & Why You're Not Crazy: The Science of a Breakup
The Breakup Debrief PodcastShow Notes
Have you ever wondered why a breakup can feel so physically unbearable? The nausea, the chest pain, the inability to eat or sleep, the spiralling thoughts that won't switch off- and on top of all of that, the shame of feeling like it shouldn't be this hard?
In this week's episode, Kelly breaks down exactly what is happening inside your brain and body when a relationship ends- and why it is quite literally the same neurological experience as going through a drug withdrawal.
This one is backed by science, packed with practical tools & might just be the most validating episode yet.
You'll hear: ✨ Why your brain in love looks identical to a brain high on cocaine and what that means for your healing ✨ The three feel-good chemicals (dopamine, oxytocin & serotonin) that your relationship was giving you — and what happens when they're suddenly cut off ✨ Why you can't stop checking his Instagram, rereading old messages, or looking for excuses to reach out — it's not weakness, it's neuroscience ✨ How your nervous system loses its main source of co-regulation when a relationship ends — and why that sends you into survival mode ✨ The role of cortisol in your breakup spiral — and the simple daily habits that help bring it back down ✨ Breathwork techniques (including the physiological sigh) that are scientifically proven to activate your parasympathetic nervous system fast ✨ How to redirect your dopamine cravings instead of white-knuckling through them ✨ Why you need both space to feel it and space to step away from it — and how to find that balance
If you've ever thought "why am I being like this?" after a breakup, this episode is your answer. There is nothing wrong with you. Your brain is doing exactly what it was wired to do. Links & Resources 📧 Share your story for the "Where Is She Now?" segment: [email protected] 📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram & TikTok: @kellyskoaching 🔗 Explore all links & resources: Linktree
More from The Breakup Debrief Podcast
⚠️ Trigger warning: this episode discusses compulsive sexual behaviour, cheating, betrayal trauma & pornography. Please take care of yourself & if anything comes up, reach out for support. This week Kelly is joined by one of the UK's leading psychosexual & relationship psychotherapists- Silva Neves. Silva has been working in this field for 15 years, is an award-winning author & specialises in compulsive sexual behaviour, trauma & relationships.
⚠️ Quick note: due to a technical hiccup (no Wi-Fi 😂) the video is only available for the first few minutes of this episode. The audio is perfect throughout so you're not missing a thing- just Kelly & her thoughts, no visuals required. Sorry about that!
A short one this week. A snappy one. A tough love bestie one. Kelly was chatting to a client recently who is dating someone she describes as amazing. Incredible, actually. Smart, kind, successful, the works. & instead of being excited about it, she was terrified. Because she was convinced he was out of her league. So Kelly has some things to say about that. You'll hear: ✨ Why meeting someone amazing should feel exciting,not like a threat ✨ The difference between putting someone on a pedestal & genuinely feeling like you can't measure up ✨ Why that feeling of inadequacy almost always comes back to the same thing- self-worth ✨ The counterproductive cycle of people-pleasing & shrinking yourself from the very beginning & why it sets you up for exactly what you're trying to avoid ✨ Why only egotistical arseholes & narcissists actually want a partner who worships them 😂 ✨ The sheet of paper exercise & why you'd call the person on it amazing until someone tells you it's you ✨ The most important question in dating & it's not "does he like me?" ✨ Why you can feel lucky & know you deserve it at the same time, both can coexist ✨ "If he's with you, he's choosing to be with you, so why do you think he's amazing but he can't make his own decisions?" ✨ Absa-f**king-lutely. Do I love myself? Yes. Do I think my partner is lucky to have me? Yes. Do I know I'm lucky to have him? Also yes. That's the goal 💚 He's amazing. And so are you. Get a grip ❤️🔥 Links & Resources 📧 Share your story for the "Where Is She Now?" segment: [email protected] 📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram & TikTok: @kellyskoaching 🔗 Explore all links & resources: Linktree
This week Kelly is joined by a very special guest- Thilinie, a past client of the Breakup Empowerment Programme, who has very generously agreed to come on & share her story.
Yes, Kelly is a Breakup Empowerment Coach & no, she is not automatically against you getting back with your ex. This week she's saying what she actually thinks & it might surprise you. Two clients recently told her they'd gotten back with their ex. She was happy for both of them. Here's why- & here's what needs to be true for it to be a good decision. You'll hear: ✨ Why Kelly is not against getting back with your ex & what actually determines whether it's the right call ✨ The two clients who got back with their exes & why Kelly responded the way she did ✨ Why hoping you'll reconcile is a completely normal part of a breakup & when that hope eventually goes away ✨ The wrong reasons to go back: loneliness, fear, scarcity, ego, obligation. None of these are reasons ✨ The right reasons to go back & what making that decision from a place of security actually looks like ✨ Why you need to be okay on your own before you can go back & how you know you're there ✨ What needs to be different this time- the non-negotiables, the changes, the work ✨ Why the people in your life who are against it deserve to be heard- when to listen to them & when to make your own decision ✨ The "keep going back until you hate him" trend & why Kelly can't get behind it ✨ Disney is Disney. Real life is real life... &they are not the same thing 😂