Show Notes
The number one concern I hear from parents is that their child or teen or young adult doesn't have friends. That is by far the primary reason parents enroll their kiddos in my program.
The second most common observation parents share with me is that their kiddo doesn't get social clues and cues. They are socially naive, confused, overwhelmed or frustrated.
In this week's podcast/YouTube episode, I'm sharing all the things I teach in the second module of my program here at Starfish Social Club. This module is called 'Awareness', and it focuses on helping students not only build their awareness of the social world, but also learn what to do with the information they are noticing.
Here's a clip from the episode:
One of the big concerns that people have about kiddos with social learning challenges is that they don't pick up on social clues or cues. They don't recognize them. And I have found, and I believe, that that's not always what's happening. I find that my kids do recognize social clues and cues, but they don't know what to do with that information. So if I asked students, you know, 'What are some signs that somebody's not interested in what you're talking about?' Or, 'What are some signs that you've said something that somebody else doesn't like, or that you're bothering somebody else?' Most of the time the kids are aware of that. They know what the clues and cues are. Where they get stuck sometimes is knowing what to do when that happens. And I think it's because when we make a plan to do something or to talk about something and it doesn't work out the way we expected it to, we don't always know what else to do. So I call this making a plan B. This is what I thought was going to happen and I don't know what else to do.
On a personal note: I often overemphasize social cues when I'm working with my students, especially when they are first learning. This helps things be more obvious to them. It's one of the reasons our kids tend to like animated movies and shows so much; everything is overemphasized. They don't have to try to figure out how someone is feeling when that character's eyes are bugging out of their head and their jaw is hanging open!
More from Social Skills is Canceled
Once upon a time, there were autistic, ADHD, and anxious students who struggled with thinking about others during conversations. Sometimes they would say things that hurt other people's feelings or were perceived as rude or disrespectful, or even things that other people didn't really want to talk about or hear about. Sometimes these students would stop listening when people talked about things that they didn't care about. Sometimes they would even tell people they weren't interested in what the group or the person was talking about. I created the lesson I'm sharing today for all of these students. In this lesson, our students learn what a social filter is, how it's different than lying, and when and why using a social fake is a good idea. We also practice taking some of our common complaints that we might have and turning them into problem-solving opportunities.
Once upon a time, there were autistic, ADHD, and anxious students who didn't know how to initiate a social conversation with someone that they knew. Some students weren't able to think of something that the person they were talking to liked or liked to talk about, so they ended up using generic conversation starters like, "Hey, what's up?" Or, "How's it going?" Some students were able to think of things they knew about the other person, but they didn't know how to use that information to start a conversation, so they didn't say anything. I created the lesson I'm sharing this week for all of these students. In this lesson, students learn the difference between an informational and a social conversation, and how to initiate a conversation with someone they know based on things they know about them.
Once upon a time, there were autistic, ADHD, and anxious students who didn’t recognize that there were some things that should be ‘alone behaviors’, or things we do whenwe are by ourselves. Some students had developed habits around ‘picking’, likepicking their nose, picking their skin, and/or picking at their pants or underwear. Other students didn’t realize that most people don’t want tohear someone burp or fart, so they didn’t know how to respond when they did it accidentally, OR they didn’t put any effort into trying to not do these things in front of others. And then there were students who often complained to others, even about situations and experiences that those around them were also going through at the same time.
Once upon a time, there were autistic, ADHD, and anxious kids and teens who struggled with staying on topic during a conversation. Some of the kids in this group continued talking about something, even when it was clear to everyone else that no one was interested in continuing to talk about that topic. Some students changed the topic every time they asked a question, unaware that others in the group had a hard time keeping up with all the changes and randomness, and that it really wasn't a conversation, it was more like an interview. And some of the kids had a hard time recognizing when others changed the topic, so they continued making comments about topics that the group had moved on from. There were also students in this group who got frustrated when the topic changed, because they still wanted to keep talking about that topic, and so they weren't able to change and shift with the group when the topic changed, as it always does. I created the lesson I'm sharing this week for all of these students. In this lesson, students learn how and when to change the topic appropriately, why they or others may choose to change the topic, and how to handle topic changes that they weren't wanting or expecting.
Once upon a time, there were autistic, ADHD, and anxious students who didn't know that there are stages or levels between strangers and friends. Sometimes these students treat people they kind of knew like they were strangers, not acknowledging them when they saw them. Sometimes they didn't know how to engage in small talk with people they kind of knew, so interactions were pretty awkward. And some students thought everyone they knew was their friend, which meant they were often too friendly or too personal with people they only kind of knew. And the reality is that most people in our lives are people we only kind of know. I created the lesson I'm sharing on this week's podcast for all of these students. In this lesson, I teach students that an acquaintance is someone we recognize from somewhere or something. We usually know their name, but not always. This can include students in our class or our group, neighbors, teachers, and friends of our parents. We also talk about what the social expectations are when we are around acquaintances, like small talk and introductions to other people.