Show Notes
You can’t effectively boost boys’ motivation until you address YOUR anxiety and fear. We know: You want your son to do his homework. To follow through on commitments. To care. So, when he shrugs, resists, or just doesn’t seem to try, your anxiety spikes — and before you even know what’s happening, you’re caught in a spiral of worry about his future. In this episode of ON BOYS, we talk about one of the most overlooked (but most powerful!) factors in boosting boys’ motivation: your mindset. This episode is the second in our special three-part series on Boys & Motivation. (Find part one here.) We’re diving into the pressure parents feel, the unspoken fear that drives us, and how those feelings affect the way we interact with our sons. Plus, we share why community is key and how coming together with other parents can help you show up more effectively for your boy.
Photo by Kindel Media via Pexels Takeaways: Parents’ fear & anxiety can get in the way of helping boys develop motivation Boys change constantly — avoid future-tripping! There are concrete, supportive ways parents can help build a motivating environment Releasing the pressure (internal and external) makes space for progress Want more support? Join us for Boost Boys’ Motivation: How to Ignite His Spark (Without Nagging or Yelling) — a 3-session live series starting May 6, 2025. Use code ONBOYS to save $50 → boysalive.com/boost
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: Overcoming Fears & Worries to Say YES — ON BOYS episode Parent from Love, Not Fear (w Bryan Post) — ON BOYS episode
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More from ON BOYS Podcast
Talking with boys — especially tween & teenage boys — can be tricky. Shrugs, grunts, and silence often stand in the way of the conversations parents want to have. Add in timing issues, big emotions, and the pull of devices, and it’s easy to feel like communication is impossible.
Is your son pulling away, shutting down, or showing little interest in school or chores? You’re not alone — and there is a way forward. In this third episode of our special 3-part ON BOYS series, we focus on how to foster intrinsic (inner) motivation in boys. Because yes, it’s in there — even when it feels completely buried. We’ll help you understand the difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation, and why both matter. You’ll hear real-world examples from our own lives and families, plus honest talk about what doesn’t work. (Spoiler: there’s no magic phrase that makes a boy suddenly say, “Sure, I’d love to do my homework!”).
It is possible to boost boys’ motivation. Doing so, though, starts with understanding why so boys are unmotivated. A big part of it is developmental: apathy and an “I don’t care/I don’t wanna” attitude commonly show up around puberty. As boy grow from boyhood to adulthood, they begin to question their priorities, interests, and goals. That’s a good thing! AND, it can be incredibly frustrating for parents and teachers who can’t see the behind-the-scenes work, who only see a once-motivated boy pulling back from previous interests and failing to to complete his homework or chores.
The first episode of ON BOYS podcast went live March 12, 2018. Seven years ago! Over the past seven years, we’ve talked to guests from around the globe: Maggie Dent, Michael Gurian, Amy Lang, ADHD Dude Ryan Wexelblatt, Steve Biddulph, Richard V. Reeves, Ruth Whippman, and so, so many others. We’re talked about puberty, porn, school, ADHD, autism, entrepreneurism, motivation, sports, suicide, consent, respect, dating, and – again — so, so much more. Jen’s boys grew up in that time. Her youngest is now 19; her oldest, 27. Janet became an Oma (a grandma) — and is looking forward to welcoming two more grandchildren this year! Boys’ & men’s issues are now part of national and international conversations, and we hope those conversations fuel continued change. Boys need and deserve our love and support too. This will be the last Jen-and-Janet episode of ON BOYS podcast. We’ve loved sharing our lives & learning with you, and we thank you for trusting us with your questions and stories. Remember: We’ve got seven years of content in our archives! When a new boy-raising concern comes up, run a search in our archives. Odds are good that you’ll find something to help you through. Jen will also continue her Substack newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin, so you can connect with her there. Janet will also continue family coaching — and soon, Jen & Janet will offer another session of their popular class, Boost Boys’ Motivation. (Want to be sure you get the info as soon as it’s available? Sign up for Building Boys Bulletin.)
Raising Awe-Seekers, the first parenting book by author Deborah Farmer Kris, outlines a transformative approach to parenting based on joy, wonder, and curiosity. Science, Deb says, shown that awe isn’t just a feel-good experience—it also helps kids develop resilience, strengthen relationships, and manage stress. But in a world filled with distractions and negativity, how do we nurture awe in everyday life? Educator and author Deborah Farmer Kris joins Jen & Janet to discuss insights from her new book, Raising Awe-Seekers: How the Science of Wonder Helps Our Kids Thrive. She explains why awe is essential for children’s emotional well-being and how simple, daily moments—like watching a sunset, listening to music, or witnessing an act of kindness—can shape a child’s perspective and growth. “Awe helps kids zoom out,” Deborah says. “It reminds them they’re part of something bigger.” And here’s the best part: You don’t need to take your kid on an epic adventure to cultivate awe—you just need to pay attention.