EP 536: Wired for Chaos—How Your Childhood Is Sabotaging Your Peaceful Life with Carla
Life Coaching with Christine HasslerShow Notes
What if the calm, stable life you've worked so hard to create… is the very thing your nervous system doesn't trust? In this powerful and eye-opening coaching session, Christine works with Carla, who has done years of deep personal growth after a highly chaotic and unstable childhood. She's now in a loving, supportive relationship and living a peaceful life—but instead of feeling settled, she finds herself questioning everything. Why? Because her nervous system is still wired for chaos. Carla opens up about growing up in instability, being parentified at a young age, and constantly second-guessing herself—even now that she's created a completely different reality. Christine helps her uncover how old patterns of hypervigilance, self-doubt, and an overactive inner critic can make peace feel unfamiliar—and even unsafe. This episode is a powerful reminder that healing isn't just about doing the work—it's about recognizing and embodying how far you've already come. If you've ever found yourself searching for problems in a life that is actually working… this episode will help you understand why—and how to shift. Press play to learn how to stop sabotaging your peace and finally step into the life you've created.
Consider / Ask Yourself Do you feel uncomfortable or restless when life is calm or stable? Are you constantly looking for what's wrong—even when things are going well? Do you struggle to trust healthy relationships or peaceful environments? Are you acknowledging your growth—or still focused on what needs fixing?
Key Insights and A-Ha's A chaotic childhood can wire your nervous system to expect instability—even in safe environments. When life becomes calm, unresolved emotions and patterns often surface. The inner critic can keep you stuck in a cycle of "fixing" instead of recognizing progress. Healthy relationships can feel unfamiliar—and trigger doubt or questioning. True healing requires not just doing the work, but embodying and celebrating your growth.
How to Deepen the Work Notice when you are scanning for problems instead of being present with what is working. Practice validating your feelings without needing to analyze or fix them. Acknowledge your progress regularly—write down how far you've come. Experiment with fully stepping into your current life without questioning it.
Resource Mentioned in This Episode Inner Child Course with Christine Hassler Christine shares a powerful resource for healing childhood wounds, rewiring your nervous system, and building a more compassionate relationship with yourself. Learn more at: christinehassler.com/innerchild Social Media + Resources: Christine Hassler — Take a Coaching Assessment Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover by Christine Hassler @ChristineHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram @SacredUnionCouples on Instagram Email: [email protected] — For information on any of my services! Get on the waitlist to be coached on the show! Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches!
More from Life Coaching with Christine Hassler
What if the reason you're struggling to receive the masculine partnership you desire isn't because you haven't found the right man—but because part of you still believes you have to do everything yourself to be safe? In this deeply insightful coaching session, Christine works with Nicoletta, a divorced mother who has spent years navigating relationships where she never felt fully supported. Some partners were financially stable but emotionally unavailable, while others offered different qualities without providing the complete sense of partnership she desired. Now, after taking time away from dating and doing significant personal growth work, Nicoletta knows she wants something different: a relationship with healthy masculine and feminine polarity, where she can feel cherished, emotionally supported, and safe enough to receive rather than constantly lead. But underneath that desire is a deeply ingrained protective pattern. Growing up, Nicoletta learned to prove her worth through pleasing others, giving more, and becoming who she thought her family wanted her to be. As an adult, she continued those patterns in her marriage and relationships, often putting other people's needs ahead of her own. Christine helps Nicoletta recognize that her longing for a masculine partner may also reflect a deeper longing to finally feel supported in life—to step out of hypervigilance, over-functioning, and the exhausting belief that everything depends on her. As they explore childhood experiences of emotional neglect, heartbreak, and sexual trauma, another important truth emerges: surrender and vulnerability can feel frightening when being vulnerable has previously led to pain. Rather than encouraging Nicoletta to simply let her guard down, Christine offers a different starting point: reclaiming her discernment and learning to trust her own embodied wisdom. Together, they explore feminine energy, emotional safety, protective patterns, self-worth, vulnerability, and the difference between being attracted to masculine leadership and choosing a partner who can remain grounded, accountable, and emotionally safe when life becomes difficult. If you've ever longed for someone to take the lead but struggled to let go of control, or wondered why receiving support feels uncomfortable even when you deeply desire it, this conversation offers a compassionate path forward. Press play to discover how shifting from protection to discernment can help you create more room for the kind of healthy, conscious love you truly want.
What if the relationship patterns you've been trying so hard to change have actually been protecting you all along? In this special re-air episode, Christine revisits a powerful coaching conversation with Darletha, a woman who has spent years recognizing and working through patterns that keep her from experiencing the healthy, committed relationship she desires. Darletha knows she wants love, but when someone begins getting too close, she often finds herself pulling away. She notices red flags, questions compatibility, and eventually ends relationships before they can deepen. Despite years of therapy, reading, and personal growth, she's frustrated that awareness alone hasn't been enough to change the pattern. But Christine offers a surprising perspective: What if Darletha hasn't been sabotaging every relationship? What if some of those relationships genuinely weren't right for her? As they explore Darletha's childhood experiences of abandonment, rejection, and witnessing emotionally abusive relationships, Christine helps her understand why control, hypervigilance, and emotional distance became protective strategies. Together, they uncover the difference between fear-based avoidance and healthy discernment, the importance of reconnecting with the body, and how learning to feel safe expressing vulnerability can transform the way we experience intimacy. Rather than focusing exclusively on what's wrong or what needs to be fixed, Christine encourages Darletha to recognize how much progress she's already made. Her ability to identify unhealthy relationships, invest in herself, and begin expressing her emotions demonstrates strength, courage, and growing self-worth. If you've ever wondered why you keep attracting unavailable partners, why you pull away when intimacy develops, or whether your relationship standards are protecting you or holding you back, this conversation offers a compassionate new perspective. Press play to discover how understanding your protective patterns—without judging them—can help you create more safety, connection, and openness to healthy love.
In this episode, I'm sitting down with two women who went from struggling while single to calling in the love of their life. We talk honestly about what they learned about themselves, the patterns they couldn't see before, and what actually changed for them when it came to love and relationships. If you're a woman who deeply desires partnership with a man who can truly meet you, and you want to feel safe, seen, loved and fully yourself in your relationship, join my husband Stef and me for LOVE MAGNET, our free 3-day workshop. Join us at christinehassler.com/lovemagnet.
What if the reason love hasn't happened yet isn't because you're meant to be alone—but because part of you is still protecting you from the risk of losing it? In this deeply insightful coaching session, Christine works with Meredith, a 44-year-old woman who has built a full and fulfilling life. She's dated throughout adulthood, had long-term relationships, and created a career and life she enjoys. But she's never been married or engaged, and she's beginning to wonder: Do I actually want partnership anymore, or should I simply accept that this is my life? Yet underneath that question, the longing is still there. Meredith wants companionship, attraction, shared interests, and the feeling of coming home to someone. At the same time, her history has taught her that loving someone can mean losing them. Meredith suddenly lost her father when she was 13. Her mother was emotionally unavailable for many years, and just as their relationship eventually changed and Meredith began receiving more of the connection she needed, she lost her mother to cancer. Christine helps Meredith recognize the competing intentions operating beneath the surface: one part deeply desires love, while another part has learned that love is risky because the people you love can disappear. Rather than treating Meredith's relationship fears as evidence that she's broken or needs to fix herself before she can find love, Christine reframes them as protective parts doing exactly what they learned to do. The work isn't becoming perfectly healed before entering a relationship. It's understanding those parts, accepting them, and consciously deciding that love is worth the risk. Together, they explore grief, fear of loss, subconscious protection, self-acceptance, relationship insecurity, and why healing is very different from fixing yourself. If you've ever wondered whether you should give up on finding love, felt exhausted by the idea that you need to do more work on yourself before you're "ready," or found yourself simultaneously longing for intimacy and pulling away from it, this conversation offers a completely different perspective. Press play to discover what can shift when you stop asking, "What's wrong with me?" and begin telling yourself: "I'm willing to risk it for love."
Growing up, Eliza learned that having a stable job meant you were doing well—and that people who didn't have one could be viewed as lazy or unable to get their lives together. She also missed an important developmental stage: the freedom to discover what she liked, who she was, and how she naturally wanted to express herself. Now, through raising her own children, Eliza has an opportunity to give herself something she didn't receive: permission to discover herself without pressure. Together, Christine and Eliza explore identity, people-pleasing, parenting, boundaries, self-worth, generational patterns, and the difference between who you truly are and the roles you play in the world. If you've ever thought, "I should know what I want by now," or felt ashamed because your career doesn't look the way you thought it would, this episode offers a powerful invitation: stop forcing yourself to have the answer and allow yourself to enter a season of discovery. Press play to explore how reconnecting with your authentic self may bring far more clarity than trying to force yourself into another role.