How to Raise Kids Who Can Name and Regulate Their Feelings (and Why It Matters), Ep.36
UNrattled: A Podcast for ParentsShow Notes
In this special episode of UNrattled, recorded live from the Gulf Coast Early Childhood Summer Symposium, we sit down with Dr. Craig Bailey—Director of Early Childhood at Yale's Center for Emotional Intelligence—to unpack one of the most powerful yet often overlooked tools in parenting and education: emotional intelligence. Dr. Bailey introduces us to RULER, Yale's groundbreaking approach to social-emotional learning (SEL), which stands for Recognizing, Understanding, Labeling, Expressing, and Regulating emotions. Through storytelling, science, and humor, he helps us understand why SEL begins with the adults in children's lives and how we can't teach what we haven't first practiced ourselves. From toddlers to teens, kids thrive when adults model emotional awareness, empathy, and healthy expression—and Dr. Bailey gives us a blueprint for doing just that. We dive into practical ways to "name it to tame it," how to help children build emotional vocabulary, and why traditional strategies like deep breathing only work after we've learned to identify what we're feeling. You'll also hear real-life examples from Dr. Bailey's own family, including a lightbulb parenting moment involving preschool drop-off and a mysterious stomachache. Plus, we explore how to use children's books—not just the obvious emotion-themed titles, but rich narrative stories like The Dot—to spark conversations about pride, bravery, disappointment, and more. If you're a parent, educator, or anyone who supports young children, this episode will challenge and inspire you to rethink how you respond to big feelings—and maybe even grow your own emotional intelligence along the way. 00:00–01:08 – When you don't know how to help your child manage big emotions 01:09–01:36 – Meet Dr. Craig Bailey from Yale's Center for Emotional Intelligence 01:37–02:36 – What is the RULER framework and how does it work? 02:37–04:35 – Why RULER starts with adult emotional learning 04:36–06:40 – Helping adults learn the skills we expect kids to use 06:41–08:15 – "You want me to work on myself?" Why adult growth is uncomfortable but essential 08:16–09:56 – Therapy, Mister Rogers, and how labeling feelings helps 09:57–12:44 – The power of naming emotions: a real-life story about anxiety 12:45–14:05 – "Name it to tame it": why labeling leads to regulation 14:06–15:32 – A child calling out a yelling teacher—and why that's emotional intelligence 15:33–17:31 – Why strategies don't work if you skip teaching emotion recognition 17:32–20:10 – When kids' emotions seem ridiculous to adults: the Lego vs. stolen car analogy 20:11–22:50 – Emotional practice starts in babyhood and prepares you for teenage years 22:51–23:48 – Using children's books to teach emotions: not just the obvious ones 23:49–26:13 – Why The Dot is a powerful book for teaching pride and emotional growth 26:14–28:13 – Understanding others' emotions: how stories build perspective-taking 28:14–29:12 – Helping kids articulate pride and build emotional intelligence through narratives 29:13–29:49 – Wrapping up: why Dr. Bailey's message resonated with educators 29:50–30:34 – Credits and closing message
More from UNrattled: A Podcast for Parents
Dating is complicated enough. But when you're raising children, there's a lot more to consider than chemistry and attraction. In this episode of UNrattled: A Podcast for Parents, we get candid about dating after divorce, learning from relationship mistakes, and navigating love while raising children. From hilarious dating disasters to the harder lessons about loneliness, emotional readiness, and blending families, they're sharing what experience has taught them. Together, our hosts explore the green flags worth looking for, the red flags we sometimes choose to ignore, and why consistency, accountability, and respect matter so much when children are part of the picture. Because finding a healthy relationship isn't just about who makes you happy. It's also about the example you're setting and the relationships your children will one day build for themselves.
Episode Description Vaccinations have become one of parenting’s most complicated conversations. But what changed? In this episode of UNrattled, Jessica and Venay sit down with pediatrician Dr. Jonathan Holmes to explore how social media, COVID, changing trust in institutions, and our relationships with healthcare providers have reshaped the vaccination conversation. This isn’t about telling parents what to think. It’s about staying curious, asking good questions, and understanding the world influencing the decisions we make for our children. Key Takeaways More information doesn’t always mean more certainty. Algorithms and endless sources can make it harder to know whom to trust. How we perceive risk matters. Our brains naturally respond differently to the risk of taking action versus doing nothing. Trust grows through relationships. A healthcare provider who knows your child offers something the internet simply can’t. Curiosity makes room for conversation. Listening to understand doesn’t mean you have to agree.
Becoming a parent changes everything—but so much of that change goes unspoken. While we spend months preparing for labor, baby gear, and nursery colors, few parents are prepared for the emotional, relational, and identity shifts that come with bringing home a baby. In this episode, author Katie O'Toole joins us to explore the honest realities of new parenthood inspired by her book Mayday on the Mothership. Together, we discuss the invisible challenges many parents experience—from the lack of parental leave and shifting family dynamics to the emotional weight of becoming someone's everything overnight. Rather than offering quick fixes, this conversation is about recognition, solidarity, and reminding parents that they are not alone.
It's easy to read a headline about a young person in trouble and wonder, What's wrong with kids today? But what happens when we ask a different question: Who was this child before the headline? In this episode of UNrattled, Jessica and Venay are joined by Joshua Jones, Director of the HALO Program at USA Health, for a deeply personal conversation about childhood, community, and the adults who can change the trajectory of a young person's life. Jessica, Venay, and Josh begin by looking back at the "little" versions of themselves—the experiences that shaped them, the things adults noticed, and the things they didn't. From there, the conversation turns to the children we encounter today whose anger, withdrawal, defiance, hunger, or other behaviors may be telling us more than we realize. Josh brings both his professional experience in violence intervention and his own story to a larger question: What if we stopped seeing struggling young people as "those kids" and started seeing them as our kids? This isn't a conversation about excusing harmful choices. It's about recognizing that prevention begins long before a crisis—and that parents aren't the only adults who matter. Teachers, coaches, neighbors, mentors, faith communities, and everyday people all have opportunities to notice, connect, and pour into a young person's life. Because before every headline, there was a child. What You'll Take Away Prevention starts with connection. A caring, consistent relationship with an adult can be a powerful protective factor in a young person's life. Look beyond the behavior. Anger, acting out, withdrawal, sleeping in class, hunger, and other behaviors may tell only part of a child's story. Parents can't—and shouldn't have to—do it alone. Children benefit from a network of adults who can reinforce messages, offer perspective, and provide support at moments when parents may not be able to reach them. Consistency matters. Josh challenges adults to move beyond one-time acts of service and build genuine relationships with young people who need someone they can count on. Pay attention. Sometimes making a difference doesn't require a program, a degree, or a grand gesture. It begins by noticing the child in front of you and being curious enough to ask another question.
What does it take to keep choosing one another through trauma, grief, medical uncertainty, and the demands of raising a family? In this candid conversation, Ronnie and Venus Thomas reflect on childhood experiences that shaped their parenting, the health scares and pregnancy losses that tested their marriage, and the years they spent simply trying to survive. They share how therapy, honest apologies, emotional safety, and intentional time together helped them reconnect—not as perfect parents or partners, but as two people committed to growing together.