273. Journal With Me: Why You Keep Doing Things You Don't Want to Do

Lately, I've been feeling the pressure of trying to keep up with everything. Between running businesses, working with clients, parenting, and managing family commitments, I've caught myself thinking I just need to get better at managing my time. So I went into therapy expecting to work on time blocking and figuring out how to fit everything into my schedule. But what came up was something I hadn't expected. I wasn't communicating. I was leaving messages unanswered, putting off follow ups, and agreeing to deadlines without really thinking about how much time the work would take. I kept telling myself I'd catch up, but in the meantime, people were waiting to hear from me. When I looked more closely, I could see how much people pleasing was playing a part. I was agreeing to timelines too quickly instead of checking what I could realistically manage or asking for more time. It's easy to assume the answer is to get back to everyone, clear your inbox, and finally catch up. But before you do that, I want you to look at why you've been avoiding those conversations in the first place. Sometimes the overwhelm isn't just about how much you have to do. It's also about the conversations you're avoiding, the support you're not asking for, and the expectations you're agreeing to without checking whether you have the capacity to meet them. What might you be avoiding because you're so focused on getting through the next thing? Maybe it's a message you've been putting off, the reality of how much you can take on, or asking someone for help. You don't have to figure everything out at once. Start with one situation and give yourself a moment to consider what you actually need.

For a long time, I thought I was just being healthy. I was a health and wellness coach, after all. I didn't question the cleanses, the strict food rules, or the pressure I put on myself to exercise. I thought these were good habits. I didn't realize how often I turned to them when other parts of my life felt uncertain. Looking back, I can see the pattern. When things felt messy in my relationships or my business, food and exercise gave me something predictable to focus on. I could follow a plan, stick to the rules, and feel like I had some control. But I wasn't looking at what was actually bothering me. It took time for me to recognize that connection and change my relationship with food and exercise. I share what helped me stop judging myself around food, let go of rigid fitness routines, and make choices that feel right for me rather than choices driven by guilt or the need to get everything right. If you're someone who is used to being disciplined and having things together, I want you to consider what might be underneath the rules you're following. What feels out of control or out of alignment in your life right now? And are you using food, exercise, or a strict morning routine to give yourself a sense of predictability instead of looking at what feels uncomfortable? Work with me: Lighter: finally release the weight attached to your plate www.samanthapenkoff.com/lighter The Leaders Table: https://www.samanthapenkoff.com/leaders-table Breakthrough Intensive: You already know you should slow down, delegate more, stop overcommitting & be emotionally present. So why can't you? That's what we figure out in 90 minutes + integration call 1 week later. Book your Breakthrough Exhale Private Coaching: For women ready to do this work until it sticks and you can't revert back. 3 open spots: Work with me

I thought having more time to work would make me feel less behind. Instead, I found myself feeling guilty when I worked and overwhelmed when I didn't. And when my son told me, “I never get to see you anymore,” it hit me hard. I'd made changes to my schedule so I could spend more time with him, yet somehow I still felt like I wasn't doing enough. At a dinner with a group of women leaders, I asked everyone what was scaring them in their personal lives, careers, or businesses. I expected different answers, but one theme kept coming up: mom guilt. And as we talked, I realized how often we treat choosing our careers as if it means choosing our kids less. The fear underneath that guilt can run much deeper than the decision in front of us. For me, it was the fear that if I didn't spend enough time with my son, he wouldn't remember me as the loving, present mom I wanted to be. The way forward wasn't to tell myself I was a great mom and hope the guilt disappeared. It was to question the belief creating it in the first place. I'll walk you through how to identify the thought making your day feel heavier, uncover the fear underneath it, and create what I call a bridge belief: a new perspective that feels believable enough to change how you approach your work and your time with your kids. Because choosing to work doesn't automatically mean you're choosing your career over your kids. And making room for your own goals doesn't have to mean taking something away from them. Work with me: Lighter: finally release the weight attached to your plate www.samanthapenkoff.com/lighter The Leaders Table: https://www.samanthapenkoff.com/leaders-table Breakthrough Intensive: You already know you should slow down, delegate more, stop overcommitting & be emotionally present. So why can't you? That's what we figure out in 90 minutes + integration call 1 week later. Book your Breakthrough Exhale Private Coaching: For women ready to do this work until it sticks and you can't revert back. 3 open spots: Work with me

Procrastination can feel like a superpower when you know you can pull it all together at the last minute. But what if the pressure you rely on to get things done is also part of the pattern? I’ve definitely done this. I’ll put something off, tell myself I work better under pressure, and then somehow get it done when there’s no more room to avoid it. Vicki Smith and I got into what might actually be happening underneath that pattern. Vicki is a therapist and coach who works with female solopreneurs around people pleasing, perfectionism, self doubt, emotional overwhelm, and the ways our nervous system can show up in business. One of the things that really stuck with me was her explanation of procrastination as a form of flight. Sometimes we’re not simply being lazy or lacking discipline. We’re trying to get away from something that feels uncomfortable, whether that’s pressure, fear of getting it wrong, or the expectation we’ve put on ourselves. We also talked about why some of us genuinely do work better when there’s a clear deadline. When the start and stop time is already decided, there’s less room to keep negotiating with ourselves about what we should be doing. The question becomes whether that way of working actually works for you without leaving you completely burned out afterward. Vicki also introduced me to the idea of our different internal “parts” having their own opinions about what we’re doing. The perfectionist, the people pleaser, the procrastinator. They can all have something to say before we ever get started. And maybe the goal isn’t to force those parts to disappear. Maybe it’s learning how to notice what’s happening, understand what we need, and give ourselves permission to work in a way that actually fits us. That shift from “I should be doing this differently” to “What actually works for me?” felt especially important. Resources Mentioned: Connect with Vicki Smith on: LinkedIn Vicki Smith on: Website

You know what you want. You know you’re exhausted. You know you need to stop doing everything yourself, set better boundaries, speak up, or finally change the way you’re working. So why is it still so hard to actually do it? Kelsea Koenrich and I talk about the beliefs underneath the patterns that keep us doing more, staying available, overworking, and trying to hold everything together. Because sometimes the very things that helped you become successful are the same things that are now keeping you stuck. Kelsea shares how hyper independence, perfectionism, scarcity, and the belief that you have to be the one who handles everything can shape the way you show up in your business and your life. We also talk about why change can feel uncomfortable even when you know it’s the right thing to do, and why “just have more discipline” doesn’t really address what’s happening underneath. We get into what it actually looks like to change the pattern. Creating a plan. Expecting it to feel uncomfortable. Having someone hold you accountable. Communicating what you need instead of assuming everyone else will be upset. And recognizing that your availability is a choice. There’s also a bigger piece here around taking responsibility for the life you’re creating. Kelsea talks about the moment she realized she was the common denominator in her own patterns, and how that realization became the starting point for doing things differently. Because knowing what you want is one thing. Letting yourself actually have it is another. Resources Mentioned: Connect with Kelsea Koenrich on: Instagram City Girls dinner series: https://www.kelseakoenreich.com/city-girls