Show Notes
In this episode, I’m talking about something that gets misunderstood all the time: what safety actually is when your nervous system has lived in chronic relational threat. If you’ve noticed triggers around Valentine’s Day, anniversaries, kid exchanges, family gatherings, Target runs, or even a simple text from your ex, you are not crazy. Your body learned to scan for danger because it had to. And while getting more truth can matter, truth alone does not automatically create safety inside your body. I break down why healing after betrayal is a different kind of divorce, why “just move on” advice does not work, and how self love grows when you learn to become a safe place for you. I also teach the four parts of “safety within” so you can start practicing it in real life: internal permission, internal protection, internal soothing, and internal choice. We’ll talk about the pendulum swing between retreat and over exposure, why avoidance sometimes gets mislabeled as boundaries, and how to tell the difference between real present day danger and trauma activation. If you feel like you have done all the mindset work, all the books, all the therapy, and you still feel stuck, I also share why that is often a sign it’s time for somatic work. You cannot think your way into safety if your body is still living in the old threat. This episode will help you stop treating triggers like a prophecy and start using them as information, so you can stay connected to yourself even when life is messy, because you are the chooser in your life and you get to create that internal safety one step at a time. ___________ ✨ WORK WITH AMIE + NEXT STEPS IN YOUR HEALING 📍 Intimacy Within: Self-Paced Course :Want real connection in a future relationship? Start by building healthy intimacy within. Learn the 7 levels of intimacy and how to practice them—first, with YOU. 👉 https://intimacywithin.amiewoolsey.com/intimacy-within-page 📍 Dating From Within Workshop- Get on the Interest List 👉 https://datingfromwithin.amiewoolsey.com/dating-from-within-page 💬 Empowered Divorce Q&A – Free monthly group coaching. First Thursday of each month. 👉 https://theempowereddivorcecoach.com/live-question-and-answer 👣 Body Love Class – Learn how to reclaim your body after betrayal. 👉https://www.chooserecoveryservices.com/body-love-class/ 📍 Believing In You Group Coaching Ready to stop letting your brain hijack your healing? Learn how to work with your nervous system, shift your thoughts, and create the life you actually want. Next round begins in January—spots go fast! 👉 https://amiewoolsey.com/believing-in-you-coaching-program 📍 Divorce 101: Self-Paced GuideFeeling stuck in the aftermath of betrayal or unsure where to go next? This guide meets you right where you are and helps you make your next best step. 🎯 Start by taking the quiz https://theempowereddivorcecoach.com/when-youve-exhausted-all-of-your-options 📍 Should I Stay or Go? CourseThis guide walks you through one of the hardest questions you'll ever face. It's not about finding the right answer—it's about becoming the chooser of it. 👉 https://shouldistayorgo.amiewoolsey.com/ 💻 Want to work with Amie 1:1?Book a consult: https://choose.clientsecure.me/request/clinician 🎥 Watch on YouTube: Get episodes early + visual tools to support your journey.📲 Follow me on social:Instagram | Facebook | TikTok → @amiewoolsey Need support ?📩 [email protected]
More from The Empowered Divorce Podcast
With the Cornell 7 case all over social media, so many women are wondering whether what happened to them counts, including what happened inside their marriage. This episode is for you. I’m re-airing my conversation with marriage and family therapist Geoff Steurer about sexual consent in marriage. We talk about why marriage is never a blanket yes, how coercion shows up in everyday ways, why your body’s response doesn’t mean you consented, and how pornography shapes our beliefs about sex. Before the conversation, I share the ways we rationalize what happened, how coercion can continue after divorce, and what healthy sex really looks like. You are the chooser of your life and your body, and you can choose to heal. Content note: This episode discusses sexual coercion and assault. Please listen with care. If you need support, RAINN’s 24/7 hotline is 1-800-656-4673 (rainn.org). @geoffsteurer https://www.geoffsteurer.com/ ________
Today I’m talking about indifference—the idea that if you feel nothing about your ex, you must be “healed.” I get why that sounds appealing after betrayal, trauma, and a life-saving divorce, but I don’t think indifference is a reliable measure of growth, especially when you’re still co-parenting and their choices keep impacting you and your kids. If you spiral when they start dating, brace when a text comes in, or feel grief watching your children be let down, that doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means something real is being touched. Instead of asking “How do I stop caring?” I invite you to ask “What just happened in me?” and “What needs my attention?” Somatic healing, honest emotional clarity, and boundaries can help you find relief while still building the life you choose. _________ ✨ WORK WITH AMIE + NEXT STEPS IN YOUR HEALING https://amiewoolsey.com/amie-woolsey Free Video Series "Am I In An Abusive Relationship" :You will receive an email containing videos that guide you through the 8 domains of a relationship and explore potentially destructive dynamics you may be experiencing.Each video includes a worksheet to help you reflect on your lived experience and gain greater clarity and understanding of your reality.Please note: the email subject line will not include the word "abuse." https://amiewoolsey.com/am-i-in-an-abusive-relationship 📍 Dating From Within Workshop- January 14-16th 2027!! 👉 Click here to join interest list https://datingfromwithin.amiewoolsey.com/dating-from-within-page 💬 Empowered Divorce Q&A – Free monthly group coaching. First Thursday of each month. 👣 Body Love Class – Learn how to reclaim your body after betrayal. 📍 Divorce 101: Self-Paced GuideFeeling stuck in the aftermath of betrayal or unsure where to go next? This guide meets you right where you are and helps you make your next best step.🎯 Start by taking the quiz 📍 Intimacy Within: Self-Paced CourseWant real connection in a future relationship? Start by building healthy intimacy within. Learn the 7 levels of intimacy and how to practice them—first, with YOU.👉 Check it out here 📍 Should I Stay or Go? CourseThis guide walks you through one of the hardest questions you'll ever face. It's not about finding the right answer—it's about becoming the chooser of it.👉 Learn more + enroll 💻 Want to work with Amie 1:1?Book a consult: Click here 🎥 Watch on YouTube: Get episodes early + visual tools to support your journey.📲 Follow me on social:Instagram | Facebook | TikTok → @amiewoolsey Need support ?📩 [email protected] Musicbed -January 8, 2024The Music Bed, LLC ("MB") approves the use of "Today Will Be The Day - Instrumental" (Composition(s) and Master(s)) for intro"intro" (the "Production") pursuant to your request date January 8, 2024 as follows:SECTION IComposition/Master: Today Will Be The Day - InstrumentalArtist(s): Summer Kennedy
I’m excited to welcome licensed psychotherapist and author Terri Cole back to the podcast to talk about her upcoming book, Father Wound (out November 17th), building on our past conversation about Too Much and the high-functioning codependent. Terri defines the “father wound” as a psychological and emotional injury from an absent, abusive, or emotionally unavailable father figure (and broader patriarchal conditioning) that creates a core worthiness wound, without needing to villainize fathers or involve them in the healing process. We discuss myths, how unhealed wounds can look like strengths, and key symptoms including perfectionism, people-pleasing, harsh inner critic, anxiety or numbness, self-abandonment, disordered boundaries, fear of abandonment, hyper-independence, and hypervigilance. Terri shares how healing through self-awareness, compassion, nervous-system practices, and integration can change relationship patterns and dating choices, plus resources, bonuses, and her free pre-order retreat at fatherwoundbook.com. terricole.com __________________ ✨ WORK WITH AMIE + NEXT STEPS IN YOUR HEALING https://amiewoolsey.com/amie-woolsey Free Video Series "Am I In An Abusive Relationship" :You will receive an email containing videos that guide you through the 8 domains of a relationship and explore potentially destructive dynamics you may be experiencing.Each video includes a worksheet to help you reflect on your lived experience and gain greater clarity and understanding of your reality.Please note: the email subject line will not include the word "abuse." https://amiewoolsey.com/am-i-in-an-abusive-relationship 📍 Dating From Within Workshop- June 11th-13th 👉 Click here to join interest list https://datingfromwithin.amiewoolsey.com/dating-from-within-page 💬 Empowered Divorce Q&A – Free monthly group coaching. First Thursday of each month. 👣 Body Love Class – Learn how to reclaim your body after betrayal. 📍 Divorce 101: Self-Paced GuideFeeling stuck in the aftermath of betrayal or unsure where to go next? This guide meets you right where you are and helps you make your next best step.🎯 Start by taking the quiz 📍 Intimacy Within: Self-Paced CourseWant real connection in a future relationship? Start by building healthy intimacy within. Learn the 7 levels of intimacy and how to practice them—first, with YOU.👉 Check it out here 📍 Should I Stay or Go? CourseThis guide walks you through one of the hardest questions you'll ever face. It's not about finding the right answer—it's about becoming the chooser of it.👉 Learn more + enroll 💻 Want to work with Amie 1:1?Book a consult: Click here 🎥 Watch on YouTube: Get episodes early + visual tools to support your journey.📲 Follow me on social:Instagram | Facebook | TikTok → @amiewoolsey
In today’s episode, I’m sharing a few quick updates (no October live Q&A because I’ll be in Vancouver for training, the next Dating From Within workshop interest list is open for January, and how following/reviewing helps other women find this support) and then diving into a powerful healing metaphor I learned from functional medicine: autophagy. I talk about why it can feel like you’re “going backwards” when things finally get safer—because your nervous system adapted to chaos—and how healing can look like sorting what you’ve carried: keeping what’s still useful, breaking down what’s damaged, and releasing what no longer needs to run your life. I also connect “mitophagy” to the question of energy, share a personal example around child support, and offer my pillars of healing—awareness, acceptance, and agency—plus two questions to help you reclaim your energy. _________ ✨ WORK WITH AMIE + NEXT STEPS IN YOUR HEALING https://amiewoolsey.com/amie-woolsey Free Video Series "Am I In An Abusive Relationship" :You will receive an email containing videos that guide you through the 8 domains of a relationship and explore potentially destructive dynamics you may be experiencing.Each video includes a worksheet to help you reflect on your lived experience and gain greater clarity and understanding of your reality.Please note: the email subject line will not include the word "abuse." https://amiewoolsey.com/am-i-in-an-abusive-relationship 📍 Dating From Within Workshop- January 14-16th 2027!! 👉 Click here to join interest list https://datingfromwithin.amiewoolsey.com/dating-from-within-page 💬 Empowered Divorce Q&A – Free monthly group coaching. First Thursday of each month. 👣 Body Love Class – Learn how to reclaim your body after betrayal. 📍 Divorce 101: Self-Paced GuideFeeling stuck in the aftermath of betrayal or unsure where to go next? This guide meets you right where you are and helps you make your next best step.🎯 Start by taking the quiz 📍 Intimacy Within: Self-Paced CourseWant real connection in a future relationship? Start by building healthy intimacy within. Learn the 7 levels of intimacy and how to practice them—first, with YOU.👉 Check it out here 📍 Should I Stay or Go? CourseThis guide walks you through one of the hardest questions you'll ever face. It's not about finding the right answer—it's about becoming the chooser of it.👉 Learn more + enroll 💻 Want to work with Amie 1:1?Book a consult: Click here 🎥 Watch on YouTube: Get episodes early + visual tools to support your journey.📲 Follow me on social:Instagram | Facebook | TikTok → @amiewoolsey Need support ?📩 [email protected] Musicbed -January 8, 2024The Music Bed, LLC ("MB") approves the use of "Today Will Be The Day - Instrumental" (Composition(s) and Master(s)) for intro"intro" (the "Production") pursuant to your request date January 8, 2024 as follows:SECTION IComposition/Master: Today Will Be The Day - InstrumentalArtist(s): Summer Kennedy
After divorce, your ex may be out of your life, but their lens can still come with you. You may find yourself questioning purchases, choices, how you look, what you wear, whether you’re “doing divorce right,” or what your ex might think—even when you don’t want them back and don’t actually need their approval. Betrayal, criticism, control, and years of adjusting around someone else can make their opinions feel so familiar that you don’t realize you’re still using them as a reference point. And sometimes it isn’t even your ex. It’s the church congregation, former in-laws, mutual friends, family, or the imagined audience wondering what they must think about the life you’re creating now. In this episode, I talk about how to recognize whose lens you’re looking through, take the mirror back, rebuild self-trust, and begin making choices from your own thoughts, values, body, and desires. Because you are the chooser in your life, and little by little, choice by choice, you get to build a life that reflects you. _________ ✨ WORK WITH AMIE + NEXT STEPS IN YOUR HEALING https://amiewoolsey.com/amie-woolsey Free Video Series "Am I In An Abusive Relationship" :You will receive an email containing videos that guide you through the 8 domains of a relationship and explore potentially destructive dynamics you may be experiencing.Each video includes a worksheet to help you reflect on your lived experience and gain greater clarity and understanding of your reality.Please note: the email subject line will not include the word "abuse." https://amiewoolsey.com/am-i-in-an-abusive-relationship 📍 Dating From Within Workshop- June 11th-13th 👉 Click here to join interest list https://datingfromwithin.amiewoolsey.com/dating-from-within-page 💬 Empowered Divorce Q&A – Free monthly group coaching. First Thursday of each month. 👣 Body Love Class – Learn how to reclaim your body after betrayal. 📍 Divorce 101: Self-Paced GuideFeeling stuck in the aftermath of betrayal or unsure where to go next? This guide meets you right where you are and helps you make your next best step.🎯 Start by taking the quiz 📍 Intimacy Within: Self-Paced CourseWant real connection in a future relationship? Start by building healthy intimacy within. Learn the 7 levels of intimacy and how to practice them—first, with YOU.👉 Check it out here 📍 Should I Stay or Go? CourseThis guide walks you through one of the hardest questions you'll ever face. It's not about finding the right answer—it's about becoming the chooser of it.👉 Learn more + enroll 💻 Want to work with Amie 1:1?Book a consult: Click here 🎥 Watch on YouTube: Get episodes early + visual tools to support your journey.📲 Follow me on social:Instagram | Facebook | TikTok → @amiewoolsey