Ep. 24 Brent Patrick: From Law Enforcement to Advocacy

What happens when the person harming you is also someone you have to see at work? At 22, Ella Schwartz started her first year as a teacher. Her co-teacher was 47, married, and had been teaching for decades. Ella was also in a relationship. What began between them became something far more complicated, forcing Ella to reckon with coercion, the relationships that had shaped her before this one, and what happens when the person you’re trying to get away from is also part of your professional life. And maybe the bigger question is this: how much of what we call “love” is shaped by the first version of it we were ever shown? Here’s to unlearning what hurt us and making room for something better. Cheers! Ella's Substack "Hot Hurt & Healing" Find a rape crisis center near you Check out our merch Got questions? Have an episode idea? Send us an email: [email protected] Follow WTDS on Instagram Follow WTDS on Tik Tok If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

Most of us got some version of the sex talk growing up. You know the one: STIs, birth control, and a healthy dose of fear. But nobody ever gave us the pleasure talk. This week, Shannon sits down with sexual health educator Molly Kilby to talk about the things most of us were never taught: why pleasure isn't one-size-fits-all, how to communicate what you want, why your brain might be pumping the brakes even when you want intimacy, and how survivors can reconnect with pleasure after trauma. The pleasure talk you never got starts now. Cheers! The resources mentioned: Sensate focus: ⁠https://health.cornell.edu/sites/health/files/pdf-library/sensate-focus.pdf⁠ Website version of Pleasure Profile, under "Sexual Communication" section: https://shcs.ucdavis.edu/guide-consent-and-sexcessful-communication Come As You Are worksheets (Dual Control Model questionnaires and helpful handouts): https://www.emilynagoski.com/come-as-you-are-worksheets-2 Contact Molly: [email protected] Check out our merch: WhatTheyDontSay.com Got questions? Have an episode idea? Send us an email: [email protected] Instagram: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/ Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficial If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

Life update! After taking a little over two months away from the podcast, Shannon is back to talk about something she’s never publicly discussed before: her rapist being sentenced to prison. She opens up about the emotional aftermath of trial, the complicated reality of “getting justice,” and why comments like “you’re lucky you got your day in court” may be doing more harm than people realize. Then she shares how discovering her perpetrator had been released from prison early, unexpectedly landed her in Washington DC advocating for changes to the military sexual assault legal system. Cheers! Check out our merch: WhatTheyDontSay.com/shop Got questions? Have an episode idea? Send us an email: [email protected] Instagram: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/ Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficial If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

Sexual assault does not just impact the survivor. The impacts of it can often ripple through an entire family. In this episode, Shannon walks through the basics of what survivors wish their families understood, including how to respond when someone discloses and why trying to “fix it” can cause more harm. She also talks about family dynamics from the survivor side, including the difference between being active and passive in conversations about sexual assault and why it is okay to choose peace and self-preservation over constant correction. Finally, she answers a listener's question about alcohol and consent: "If both people were drunk, is it still sexual assault?" So, grab your drink and toast to the families who are willing to do better. Cheers! Find a rape crisis center near you: https://www.valor.us/get-help/ Project Callisto: https://www.projectcallisto.org/ Check out our merch: WhatTheyDontSay.com Got questions? Have an episode idea? Send us an email: [email protected] Instagram: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/ Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficial If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)

The Epstein Files were supposed to bring transparency. Instead, they exposed what survivors already know: institutions protect themselves first. In this episode, Shannon sits down with Epstein survivor, advocate, and Founder, Jess Michaels, to unpack what’s actually happening with the Epstein Files, why the DOJ’s response matters far beyond this case, and what institutional failure looks like. But this conversation isn’t just about what went wrong. It’s about what we do when institutions don’t show up. They talk about how community care fills the gaps systems leave behind, why sexual assault is an injury first, and how the way we respond to harm can change everything. Follow Jess: https://www.instagram.com/jessmichaelsspeaks/ Become a #WithYouToo App Beta Tester: https://withyoutoo.3joannes.com/ Get Educated: www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence Send us a message: WhatTheyDontSay.com Got questions? Have an episode idea? Instagram: www.instagram.com/whattheydontsayofficial/ Tik Tok: www.tiktok.com/@whattheydontsayofficial If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted and needs support: 1-800-656-4573 (National Sexual Assault Hotline)