1270: When Therapy Turns Into Avoidance

"You have to love yourself so much that you love yourself more than the need to be loved by other people." In this episode, Heather and Sabrina Zohar explore what it takes to stop abandoning yourself in the pursuit of being loved, chosen, and understood by other people. They get into the difference between boundaries and walls, why a lack of self-trust can keep you repeating the same relationship patterns, and how the chaos you learned to associate with love as a child can determine who you're attracted to as an adult. Having great relationships means learning to love yourself, and learning to love yourself means being willing to let go of the story you've been telling about who you are and what you need to do to be worthy of others' love. If you're ready to build healthier relationships without self-abandonment, this episode is for you.

"What you did up until this point in your life doesn't always mean that it's going to be the thing that gets you to the next point." In this episode, Heather explores what happens when the strategies, habits, and ways of operating that got you to where you are today are no longer what will get you where you're going next. As your life, business, and capacity change, so do the ways you need to spend your time, energy, and attention. She gets into the four types of profit, what your resentment can reveal about what you're carrying that isn't yours, and what it looks like to raise your standards while lowering your tolerance for what drains you using real examples from her own life. The conversation also explores how changing your own response can shift the dynamics around you, why the things you need to do are often the ones you resist most, and how emotional neutrality is built through repetition. If you're entering a new chapter of your life and know that the way you've been operating can't come with you, this episode is for you.

"The work is work, and the rattling of your cage comes with side effects, and you have to know that in advance before entering." In this episode, Heather and Coach Keren Eldad talk about what happens after the breakthrough: pushing against the edges of an old identity, recognizing the behaviors that accompany restlessness, and learning to move through resistance without taking it as a sign to stop. They explore what it means to reach "cruising altitude," where momentum starts carrying you forward, and you finally stop negotiating with the life you actually want. We also get into the difference between coaching and therapy, and why you don't have to wait for another shit storm to decide something needs to change. Ultimately, this conversation shows that the real work begins when insight becomes integration, and you practice thinking differently and repeatedly putting your money where your mouth is. What to listen for: ☑️ Most people need to do more work because insight is not integration ☑️ The best thing about hitting rock bottom is it forces you to face what happened ☑️ Specific behaviors always accompany restlessness, aimlessness, and loneliness

"The best way you can help teach your kids is by modeling your own life, especially when it comes to money and investing." In this episode, Heather and Josh Smith get into the uncomfortable reality of what happens when you continue to outsource the financial part of your life, assuming someone else will handle it or believing you're simply "not a money person." They talk about the shame and scarcity that keep people from learning, why investing has been made far more complicated than it needs to be, and how small, consistent decisions can fundamentally change your financial future through the power of compound growth. They also explore what it means to become genuinely resourced, how financial literacy creates more choice and freedom, why knowing enough to ask better questions matters even when you work with a financial professional, and what we teach the next generation when we model these skills ourselves. Because becoming financially empowered requires being willing to learn some of the uncomfortable things you were never taught.

"It's a fallacy that when a woman takes center stage in her life, everyone else suffers. No, everyone else expands." In this episode, Heather and Dr. Amanda Hanson dig into the moment when a woman begins to realize just how much of her life has been shaped by expectations, conditioning, caretaking, and the insidious belief that everyone else gets a say before she does. They explore what happens when you start deconstructing the ground you were planted in and questioning the influences behind the choices you've made, the relationships you've maintained, and the ways you've learned to perform being a "good" woman. This conversation moves through midlife, mortality, desire, authenticity, and the uncomfortable freedom of realizing you're allowed to want something different, even when the people around you don't understand it. What to listen for: ☑️ Why women struggle to believe that they actually get a say in their own lives ☑️ The fear of dying and how it shows up unconsciously for most women ☑️ Deconditioning from the influences that are driving your beliefs "Before I can help a woman build a new life for herself, I have to help her deconstruct the soil she was already planted in because otherwise we're actually just building a straw house on faulty ground." ☑️ Stop waiting for the "I'm ready" moment, and pay attention to your actions ☑️ Why our caretaking hormones tank in midlife, and how we lean into what's next ☑️ You can't really be known and loved if you're performing in your relationships "Women want more connection to themselves and to the people in their lives. They realize that the window is closing, and they want to know what it feels like to be raptured by life." ☑️ Choosing the most raw, authentic, unfiltered version of yourself in every area ☑️ Women can't be honest with others because they're not honest with themselves ☑️ Standing steady in the face of people who are uncomfortable with your expression "I'm not going to spend one millisecond wasting my life force energy and this precious gift I've been given trying to convince anybody to believe or think the way that I do." ☑️ Why pouring into yourself isn't taking anything away from anybody else ☑️ Living life on your terms serves as a huge inspiration for your children ☑️ Building a foundation for how to source a different way of being a woman *** About Dr. Amanda Hanson: Dr. Amanda Hanson is a clinical psychologist. Married thirty years, mother of four. For three decades she's sat across from women in the one chapter no one prepares them for, the chapter where everything they were taught about being a woman stops working for them. She wrote Muse for the women she'd never meet in her office and built her business so they'd have somewhere to come home to. Her work is clinical psychology braided back together with the feminine wisdom this culture has spent centuries erasing. She doesn't bring it back as a trend, but as tools for living Connect with Dr. Amanda: www.amandahanson.com www.instagram.com/midlife.muse www.youtube.com/@midlifemuse www.tiktok.com/@midlifemuse www.facebook.com/midlife.muse *** For those of you who are ready to stop feeling drained, overextended, and out of alignment… join me inside the Energetic Time Management Accelerator, a focused experience designed to help high-achieving women uncover what's draining them, clarify what truly matters, and create a simple plan that fits their life. We'll pinpoint your biggest time + energy leaks, identify the top areas to focus on for quick momentum, and map out exactly what to let go of so you can reclaim your energy, your time, and your joy. Ready to make your time work for you without adding more to your plate? Join the Energetic Time Management Accelerator: www.heatherchauvin.com/time Explore the top episodes listeners come back to when they're stuck, burned out, or standing at the edge of a big shift: www.heatherchauvin.com/10 Follow Heather on Instagram: www.ins