How To Speak Up — When You Don’t Want To | From TED Business

“Be as curious about the other person as you are excited to share about yourself.” What makes you click with someone? For organizational psychologist and bestselling author Adam Grant, meaningful connection isn't just about chemistry. It's about understanding how we relate to others, showing genuine curiosity, and creating interactions that bring us closer. In part one of this two-part Think Fast, Talk Smart episode, Grant joins Matt Abrahams to discuss the science of connection and share lessons from his new book, Vibe: The Secrets of Strong Connections in a Lonely World. From building confidence through practice and seeking advice instead of feedback to finding common ground and creating more dynamic conversations, Grant shares practical ways to strengthen relationships and make our interactions more meaningful. Takeaways:Strong connections are built with intention. Understanding whether you're seeking shared goals, interests, or values helps you approach relationships more thoughtfully and build stronger connections. Better conversations require curiosity and give-and-take. Showing genuine interest, keeping exchanges dynamic, and remembering personal details can turn everyday interactions into more meaningful, lasting relationships.

“You learn nothing when you’re right.” Effective communication isn’t about having all the answers. As Astro Teller knows, it’s about finding, and sometimes fumbling, your way through the questions. As Captain of Moonshots at X, Alphabet’s Moonshot Factory, Teller embraces what he calls “a learning journey,” where being wrong isn’t the end, but an opportunity to discover something new. In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Teller and Matt Abrahams discuss how embracing uncertainty drives innovation, why leaders should reward learning over outcomes, and why sometimes being wrong is the best way to learn.Takeaways:Being wrong is where learning happens. Treating failure as useful information rather than something to avoid helps you stay curious, test assumptions, and discover better paths forward. Reward the habits that lead to innovation, not just the outcomes. Focusing on curiosity, humility, and experimentation creates space for people to take meaningful risks and pursue ideas that may not work the first time.

“Boredom is just the enemy of conversation.” Small talk doesn’t have to be boring. For matchmaker and dating coach Rachel Greenwald, better conversations start with a little preparation and a willingness to move beyond predictable questions toward the stories that make people memorable. In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Greenwald joins Matt Abrahams to share strategies for building stronger connections in dating, networking, and the workplace. From bridging small talk toward more meaningful topics to navigating taboo subjects and showing more vulnerability, she explains how to create conversations that bring out the best in others and ourselves.Takeaways:Better small talk starts with a little strategy. Preparing a few topics and finding natural bridges toward what makes you unique can turn routine exchanges into more memorable, meaningful interactions. Connection comes from stories, not just information. Asking questions that invite people to share experiences and emotions can reveal more than factual answers and help deepen relationships.

“Conflicts in relationships might be unpleasant, but they aren’t inherently bad. In fact, they’re essential.”Conflict rarely gives us time to prepare. A sharp comment, unexpected criticism, or sudden disagreement can trigger strong emotions precisely when we need to communicate most clearly. But handled well, conflict can strengthen relationships, improve outcomes, and lead to better solutions. In this special episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, hear an excerpt from the updated edition of Matt Abrahams’ Think Faster, Talk Smarter. Matt introduces the CLEAR framework for navigating conflict in the moment: checking yourself, listening with receptiveness, exploring the other person’s perspective, acknowledging before advocating, and responding strategically. With these five steps, you can move beyond reactive responses and approach difficult moments with greater calm, curiosity, and clarity. Takeaways:Manage yourself before you manage the conflict. Recognizing when you’re triggered and creating a brief pause can help you move out of a reactive state and respond with greater calm and clarity. Understanding should come before advocating. Listening with genuine curiosity, exploring the other person’s perspective, and acknowledging what you’ve heard can keep disagreement from escalating and create space for a more productive response.

“A brand is a promise, and a great brand is a promise well kept.” What does it take to build something people believe in? For Daniel Lubetzky, social entrepreneur and KIND Snacks founder, it starts with curiosity, compassion, creativity, and courage, along with a willingness to listen, learn, and stay true to what you stand for. In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Lubetzky joins Matt Abrahams to share lessons from building businesses, brands, and bridges between people. He explains why authenticity matters more than appearing to have all the answers, how great brands keep their promises, and what entrepreneurs can learn from listening, practicing, and knowing when to adapt without losing sight of their values.Takeaways:Authenticity builds trust. You don’t need to have every answer or appear perfectly polished. Being willing to admit what you don’t know, listen, and learn can make others more willing to believe what you do say. Strong brands know what they promise. Consistency around your values and value proposition helps people know what to expect from you, while thoughtful feedback can help you adapt without losing what you stand for.