Show Notes
Some children seem like they have it all together. They’re organized, responsible, self-motivated, and successful, often earning good grades and appearing easier to parent.
But underneath that success can be intense anxiety, perfectionism, and an exhausting inner voice that never quiets down.
In this episode, Jennifer explores the often-overlooked group of high-achieving children who appear confident and capable on the outside but may be carrying enormous emotional pressure internally. These children often have a combination of strong thinking skills and highly sensitive emotional systems, which can create a constant cycle of overthinking, fear of failure, self-criticism, and tying their worth to achievement.
Jennifer explores how temperament, sensitivity, and personality contribute to these patterns, why parents may miss the signs when struggles are internalized, and how our own experiences with achievement and self-worth can shape how we respond.
Jennifer's Takeaways:
Understanding High-Achieving, Anxious Children (00:00) Brain Dynamics and Emotional Pressure (02:43) Temperament and Sensitivity (04:36) Parental Reactions and Personal Patterns (06:40) Supporting High-Achieving Children (08:37) Modeling and Teaching Self-Compassion (11:21)
Meet Jennifer Kolari Jennifer Kolari is the host of the “Connected Parenting” weekly podcast and the co-host of “The Mental Health Comedy” podcast. Kolari is a frequent guest on Nationwide morning shows and podcasts in th US and Canada. Her advice can also be found in many Canadian and US magazines such as; Today’s Parent, Parents Magazine and Canadian Family.
Kolari’s powerful parenting model is based on the neurobiology of love, teaching parents how to use compassion and empathy as powerful medicine to transform challenging behavior and build children’s emotional resilience and emotional shock absorbers.
Jennifer’s wisdom, quick wit and down to earth style help parents navigate modern-day parenting problems, offering real-life examples as well as practical and effective tools and strategies.
Her highly entertaining, inspiring workshops are shared with warmth and humour, making her a crowd-pleasing speaker with schools, medical professionals, corporations and agencies throughout North America, Europe and Asia.
One of the nation’s leading parenting experts, Jennifer Kolari, is a highly sought- after international speaker and the founder of Connected Parenting. A child and family therapist with a busy practice based in San Diego and Toronto, Kolari is also the author of Connected Parenting: How to Raise A Great Kid (Penguin Group USA and Penguin Canada, 2009) and You’re Ruining My Life! (But Not Really): Surviving the Teenage Years with Connected Parenting (Penguin Canada, 2011).
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As parents, we often act as a substitute frontal lobe for our children while their own executive functioning skills are still developing. We help them regulate emotions, remember what they need, organize themselves, solve problems, and make decisions. But sometimes, without realizing it, we can cross the line from guiding our children to doing too much of the thinking and problem-solving for them.
When one child in the family requires a lot of attention because of big emotions, tantrums, challenging behaviour, or constant pushback, it can quietly affect everyone else in the home. In this episode of "Connected Parenting", Jennifer turns the focus to the child who is often described as the “good child”. The one who rarely complains, follows the rules, stays out of trouble, and seems to make parenting easy.