Show Notes
In this episode of The Breakup Debrief, we’re talking about a thought that so many people have after a relationship ends: “Did I cause this?” “Did I manifest the breakup?” If you have an anxious attachment style, this will probably hit home. We dive into how fear of abandonment, overthinking & constantly worrying about being left can impact how you show up in relationships and why that doesn’t mean you’re to blame for things ending. Kelly breaks down the difference between: Manifesting an outcome And simply being stuck in a fight-or-flight state in your relationship Because when you’re operating from fear, it can stop you from being your true self and that changes the dynamic entirely. This episode is a mix of truth, reassurance, and a bit of tough love: 👉 You don’t need to perform to be loved 👉 You don’t need to earn your place in someone’s life 👉 And you cannot lose what is truly meant for you
🎯 What You’ll Learn Why anxious attachment makes you fear abandonment The truth about “manifesting” a breakup How fear impacts your behaviour in relationships Why not being yourself creates relationship anxiety The vicious cycle of needing validation Why dating should feel simple (even if it’s uncomfortable) How to shift your mindset around rejection Links & Resources 📧 Share your story for the “Where Is She Now?” segment: [email protected] 📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram & TikTok: @kellyskoaching 🔗 Explore all links & resources: Linktree
More from The Breakup Debrief Podcast
⚠️ Trigger warning: this episode discusses compulsive sexual behaviour, cheating, betrayal trauma & pornography. Please take care of yourself & if anything comes up, reach out for support. This week Kelly is joined by one of the UK's leading psychosexual & relationship psychotherapists- Silva Neves. Silva has been working in this field for 15 years, is an award-winning author & specialises in compulsive sexual behaviour, trauma & relationships.
⚠️ Quick note: due to a technical hiccup (no Wi-Fi 😂) the video is only available for the first few minutes of this episode. The audio is perfect throughout so you're not missing a thing- just Kelly & her thoughts, no visuals required. Sorry about that!
A short one this week. A snappy one. A tough love bestie one. Kelly was chatting to a client recently who is dating someone she describes as amazing. Incredible, actually. Smart, kind, successful, the works. & instead of being excited about it, she was terrified. Because she was convinced he was out of her league. So Kelly has some things to say about that. You'll hear: ✨ Why meeting someone amazing should feel exciting,not like a threat ✨ The difference between putting someone on a pedestal & genuinely feeling like you can't measure up ✨ Why that feeling of inadequacy almost always comes back to the same thing- self-worth ✨ The counterproductive cycle of people-pleasing & shrinking yourself from the very beginning & why it sets you up for exactly what you're trying to avoid ✨ Why only egotistical arseholes & narcissists actually want a partner who worships them 😂 ✨ The sheet of paper exercise & why you'd call the person on it amazing until someone tells you it's you ✨ The most important question in dating & it's not "does he like me?" ✨ Why you can feel lucky & know you deserve it at the same time, both can coexist ✨ "If he's with you, he's choosing to be with you, so why do you think he's amazing but he can't make his own decisions?" ✨ Absa-f**king-lutely. Do I love myself? Yes. Do I think my partner is lucky to have me? Yes. Do I know I'm lucky to have him? Also yes. That's the goal 💚 He's amazing. And so are you. Get a grip ❤️🔥 Links & Resources 📧 Share your story for the "Where Is She Now?" segment: [email protected] 📲 Follow Kelly on Instagram & TikTok: @kellyskoaching 🔗 Explore all links & resources: Linktree
This week Kelly is joined by a very special guest- Thilinie, a past client of the Breakup Empowerment Programme, who has very generously agreed to come on & share her story.
Yes, Kelly is a Breakup Empowerment Coach & no, she is not automatically against you getting back with your ex. This week she's saying what she actually thinks & it might surprise you. Two clients recently told her they'd gotten back with their ex. She was happy for both of them. Here's why- & here's what needs to be true for it to be a good decision. You'll hear: ✨ Why Kelly is not against getting back with your ex & what actually determines whether it's the right call ✨ The two clients who got back with their exes & why Kelly responded the way she did ✨ Why hoping you'll reconcile is a completely normal part of a breakup & when that hope eventually goes away ✨ The wrong reasons to go back: loneliness, fear, scarcity, ego, obligation. None of these are reasons ✨ The right reasons to go back & what making that decision from a place of security actually looks like ✨ Why you need to be okay on your own before you can go back & how you know you're there ✨ What needs to be different this time- the non-negotiables, the changes, the work ✨ Why the people in your life who are against it deserve to be heard- when to listen to them & when to make your own decision ✨ The "keep going back until you hate him" trend & why Kelly can't get behind it ✨ Disney is Disney. Real life is real life... &they are not the same thing 😂