
Show Notes
In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we're going back to basics and talking about what autism actually is. We cover what autism is and what it isn't, why the word 'spectrum' is so widely misunderstood, and what it can feel like to hear that word applied to your child for the first time. We also get into some of the phrases that drive every autism parent quietly up the wall and why they matter more than people realise. Key Takeaways Autism is a neurodevelopmental difference - it's about how the brain develops and processes information. It's present from birth and it's lifelong. The spectrum isn't a straight line. It's more like a colour spectrum - a profile of different strengths, challenges, sensitivities, and support needs that looks different in every person. Social communication differences don't mean autistic people don't want connection. They mean they may communicate and connect differently. Repetitive behaviours, strong special interests, a need for predictability, and sensory differences are all part of how autism can present and they can look very different from one child to the next. Autism can co-occur with anxiety, ADHD, or learning disabilities but autism itself is a neurotype, not an illness. 'We're all a little bit autistic' is well-meaning but misleading. Being autistic means having a distinct, lifelong neurological framework and phrases like this risk minimising the real challenges many autistic people and their families face. 'They don't look autistic.' What people often can't see is the masking, the mental exhaustion, and the cost of holding it together. A diagnosis can bring fear and grief but also relief and validation. Many parents describe a shift from panic to advocacy — from 'what is this?' to 'what can I do?' Support needs vary widely and can change across different life stages. What works in primary school may not be enough in secondary. Support isn't static.
Mentioned in This Episode National Autistic Society -www.autism.org.uk Autistic UK www.autisticuk.org NHS - Autism overview and diagnosis pathways: www.nhs.uk/conditions/autism
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More from The Autism Mums Podcast
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Greer Jones, host of The Unfinished Idea podcast is back on the show. Since we last spoke she's launched the Beautifully Wired Summit, a free three-day online event for mums raising girls with ADHD and autism, and her first book, So, Now What? is out in November. We talk about: The moment Greer realised she had ADHD herself Why she wrote her book and decided to run a summit And the benefits of breathwork
In this episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, we're joined by autistic author, speaker and former teacher Pete Wharmby. We first saw Pete speak at the SEND protest in London, and we knew straight away we wanted him on the show. Pete's latest book, Different Minds: How We Can Help Our Autistic School Children Thrive, looks at what school is really like for autistic children, and why so many of them are struggling. Drawing on his years in the classroom, his own school days and his experience as a parent of an autistic daughter, Pete talks about the inflexibility of mainstream school, from strict uniform rules to stationery checks, and why the problem lies with the system rather than with our children. We also talk about masking, the signs that a child may be holding it together at school and paying for it at home, how masking can tip into burnout, and how Pete recognises burnout in himself as an adult. Pete shares his thoughts on lunchtimes and break times, why lockdown "broke the spell" of school for so many families, and the one idea he'd love every teacher to understand: the double empathy problem. About Pete Wharmby Pete Wharmby is an autistic author and speaker who was diagnosed as autistic at 34, and later with ADHD. He spent many years working as a teacher before turning his focus to autism and neurodiversity awareness and acceptance, after being shocked by the statistics around depression, anxiety and life expectancy for autistic people. Pete now delivers talks, keynotes and training for schools, workplaces and organisations across education, health and justice. He is the author of What I Want to Talk About, Untypical and his latest book, Different Minds. He's also a parent to an autistic daughter. Key Takeaways Autistic children's struggles at school are not their fault, and school refusal is far more likely the less flexible the school environment is. Mainstream school has become more rigid over the last 15 years, at the same time as awareness of neurodivergence has grown, creating a real clash for families. Autistic children need flexibility around uniform, lunchtimes, homework and timetables, because every child's needs are different. Meltdowns after school rarely come from nowhere; they're often the result of a day full of sensory and social stress. Masking at school often carries on at home, so look for exhaustion, irritability, "blank positivity" about the day and a lack of detail. Encouraging a child to stop masking completely at school can put them at risk, so the priority is giving them real downtime at home. Masking can eventually give way to burnout, which can then lead to depression if it isn't recognised and supported. Break times and lunchtimes are unstructured and can be the hardest part of the day for some autistic children. Talking openly with children about autism helps them understand their own brains and make their own choices, such as when to socialise and when to rest. For many autistic children, lockdown showed that school as we know it isn't inevitable, and many families have since chosen home education. A child's enthusiasm for school is fragile, and once broken it is very hard to rebuild. Autistic children respond to teachers who show humanity and can admit when they've got something wrong. The double empathy problem means autistic and non-autistic people can misunderstand each other, and teachers, as the adults, should help bridge that gap. A lack of eye contact or a direct way of speaking is not rudeness; it's often simply an autistic way of communicating.
In this episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, we're talking about EBSA: emotionally based school avoidance, sometimes called school distress or school anxiety. It's a term most parents only come across once things are already really difficult, when mornings have become impossible, your child is melting down before school, or they're holding it together in the classroom and falling apart the moment they get home.