How Autism Shaped A Bestselling Author’s Career & Marriage
YOUR Neurodiverse Relationship with Jodi CarltonShow Notes
From masking to neurodiverse marriage, bestselling author J.D. Barker gets real about life as an autistic adult. In this podcast episode, neurodiverse relationship coach Jodi Carlton talks with New York Times bestselling author JDBarker, who shares what was like for him to navigate life, love, and fatherhood - and autism. From high-stakes careers in finance and IT to ghostwriting blockbusters and becoming a full-time novelist, J.D. reflects on how autism has shaped his relationships, routines, and creative process. He also gets candid about building a neurodiverse marriage with his neurotypical wife, parenting a neurodivergent daughter, and the personal growth that came with learning to embrace—not mask—his autistic traits. 💬 What you’ll hear in this episode: The surprising way J.D. was diagnosed with autism at 22 Why masking often feels like “playing a part” in social settings How he and his wife created emotional safety and mutual respect in their marriage What it looks like to be a team—not adversaries—as neurodiverse partners The “loop-closing” need in autistic brains—and how it affects everyday routines Why creativity is often misunderstood in autism (and how it became his superpower) What he tells parents of autistic children about what’s possible for their future. Whether you’re autistic, in a neurodiverse relationship, or parenting a neurodivergent child, this conversation is full of practical insights, encouragement, and inspiration for anyone navigating the complexities of autism in adulthood and family life.
00:00 Welcome to Season 5 00:57 Meet J.D. Barker 01:37 J.D.’s Diagnosis Story 03:12 Life as an Autistic Adult 06:02 Autism & Parenting a Neurodivergent Child 08:23 Understanding ND Traits in Relationships 10:25 From Corporate Burnout to Bestselling Author: How J.D.’s Wife Helped Him Reclaim His Life 19:52 Creativity, Career & the Autistic Brain 22:24 J.D.’s Superpower: Mimicking Author Voices 23:04 Becoming a Bestselling Author 24:25 Breaking the Creativity Myth in Autism 26:14 The Writing Process & Pattern Recognition 28:29 Researching Characters & Emotional Nuance 30:32 Emotional Differences in a Neurodiverse Marriage 32:24 Communication, Trust & Mutual Respect 36:06 Advice for Autistic Creatives 37:21 Final Reflections 🎥 Keep watching to explore more episodes in Season 5 and discover how other neurodiverse couples are navigating life, love, and everything in between. https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLSyXJdjUav7qLvkJFwE-KcG73-Fzuzu29 📚 About J.D. Barker: J.D. Barker is a New York Times and international bestselling author known for gripping, genre-blending thrillers that weave suspense, horror, mystery, and science fiction into unforgettable stories. His acclaimed novels include Dracul (co-authored with Dacre Stoker), the 4MK series, and multiple collaborations with James Patterson, such as The Coast-to-Coast Murders and The Noise. Explore his books and learn more: www.jdbarker.com ________ 👩💼 About Your Host: Jodi Carlton, MEd Jodi Carlton is a neurodiverse relationship coach with over 20 years of experience as a therapist, coach, author, and educator. She’s also neurodivergent herself—diagnosed with ADHD as an adult—and brings both professional expertise and lived experience to her work. After 19 years in a marriage with an autistic partner and raising neurodivergent children, Jodi developed a deeply personal understanding of what it takes for relationships like yours to work—and the pitfalls that can derail them. She now coaches individuals, couples, and families around the world using a solution-focused approach that delivers real clarity and lasting change. 👉 Explore more episodes, free resources, quizzes, and courses: https://jodicarlton.com 🔔 Don’t Forget to Like, Subscribe & Share! Your support helps us reach more people navigating life in neurodiverse relationships.
More from YOUR Neurodiverse Relationship with Jodi Carlton
When a partner claims that autism means they "don't understand consent," where does neurodivergence end and abuse begin? Jodi Carlton and Mona Kay unpack the difference between autistic behavior and abusive behavior, why "no means no" applies regardless of neurotype, and how media scripts and porn can distort expectations around consent for black-and-white thinkers. They also discuss the yes/no/maybe checklist, masking in neurodiverse marriages, the fawning response, and when ignoring a partner's "no" crosses the line into narcissistic and exploitive behavior. This episode discusses interpersonal violence (IPV), sexual abuse, and related topics. If you may be triggered by this conversation, please take care of yourself. Resources are listed below. ⏱️ Chapters 0:00 Teaser: No Means No, Regardless of Neurotype 1:33 Episode Intro 2:10 Content Warning & Listener Question 3:37 Abuse vs. Autistic Behavior 5:01 Abuse Is Not Autism 6:30 Any Neurotype Can Be Abusive 7:36 "Your Safety Is What Matters" 8:09 Any Adult Can Understand Consent 10:38 Porn, Scripts & Black-and-White Thinking 11:32 The Yes/No/Maybe Checklist 12:23 Media Messaging: "No Means Yes" & the Pursuit Myth 15:14 Masking & Saying Yes When You Could Say No 15:56 When "No" Is Ignored: That Is Abuse 16:17 Fawning, Codependency & Personal Accountability 18:21 Narcissistic & Sociopathic Behavior 19:58 Resources & "It's Never Just Leave" 21:00 Wrap Up & What's Next Resources — Interpersonal Violence & Domestic Abuse If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, help is available. You are not alone, and it is not your fault. United States National Domestic Violence Hotline 📞 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233) 💬 Text "START" to 88788 🌐 https://www.thehotline.org Available 24/7 | Free & confidential | Live chat also available on the website National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN) 📞 1-800-656-HOPE (1-800-656-4673) 🌐 https://www.rainn.org Online chat available 24/7 StrongHearts Native Helpline 📞 1-844-762-8483 A culturally-appropriate domestic violence and dating violence helpline for Native communities Love is Respect (National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline) 📞 1-866-331-9474 💬 Text "LOVEIS" to 22522 🌐 https://www.loveisrespect.org Deaf Hotline (via video phone) 📞 1-855-812-1001 International NO MORE Global Directory 🌐 https://www.nomoredirectory.org A comprehensive international directory of domestic and sexual violence helplines and support services, covering more than 200 countries. Created by the NO MORE Foundation in partnership with the United Nations. HotPeachPages 🌐 https://www.hotpeachpages.net Abuse information in over 115 languages and domestic violence help agencies listed for every country worldwide.
Medical gaslighting is when your experience of your body is denied or dismissed by a medical professional. Neurodivergent people frequently experience this even though providers don't always realize the harm they're doing. When we talk about neurodivergence, we usually focus on the mind — but what about the body? In this episode of our "Navigating Neurodiverse Love & Life" series, my co-host Mona Kay and I dive into the physical side of neurodivergence that too often gets dismissed, misunderstood, or flat-out ignored by the medical system. From dysautonomia and migraines to depression as a physiological experience, Mona and I share our own lived experiences with bodies that don't regulate the way they're "supposed to." We discuss the gut-brain connection, pain sensitivity differences across the autism/ADHD spectrum, Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, seasonal affective disorder, hormones, and why so many of us have spent years feeling like we were "making it all up" — only to discover our symptoms were real all along. I also share the story of a doctor who recently reached out wanting to learn more about his neurodivergent patients, and why that kind of curiosity gives me hope. We talk about medical gaslighting, why even well-meaning physicians miss the signs, and what needs to change in medical training so neurodivergent patients stop falling through the cracks. Whether you're neurodivergent yourself, love someone who is, or you're a professional working with neurodivergent clients, this conversation is a reminder that validation changes everything. 📧 Send me your questions and stories: [email protected] 🔗 Find me at jodicarlton.com (it's Jodi with an I — but even if you misspell it, you'll find me!) 🔗 Find Mona at neurodiverselove.com If you're a physician or helping professional who wants to learn more about working with neurodivergent patients, reach out to me about joining the Neurodiverse Peer Professional Network. Don't forget to like and subscribe! Additional Resources: 🔗 All Brains Belong: https://allbrainsbelong.org/ 🔗 Clinicians Guide: Everything is Connected to Everything: Improving Healthcare for Autistic & ADHD Adults: https://allbrainsbelong.org/clinician-resources/ Chapters:0:00 Teaser 0:26 Intro 1:21 Checking In 1:49 Neurodivergence & the Physical Body 2:20 Migraines & Dysautonomia 3:00 Depression as a Physical Experience 5:00 Depression Is Physical, Not Just Mental 5:54 What Is Dysautonomia? 6:40 Hormones, Menopause & Feeling Alone 7:32 Finding Knowledgeable Physicians 8:04 A Doctor Who Wants to Learn About Neurodivergence 9:31 Medical Gaslighting & Imposter Syndrome 10:00 Ehlers-Danlos & Connective Tissue 10:34 The Gut-Brain Connection 11:28 "You Are 100% Wrong" 13:23 Pain Sensitivity: Autistic vs. ADHD 14:06 Interoception & My Autistic Uncle 15:25 There's an Explanation for Your Partner's Sensitivities 16:28 Validation Changes Everything 17:11 Outro
What happens when two people in a neurodiverse relationship remember the same conversation completely differently? This week, Mona and I explore the memory and communication disconnects that can put neurodiverse couples in what I call “the boxing ring”—where partners become opponents, each trying to prove who’s right and who’s wrong. From the partner who remembers every word but misses the meaning to the one who remembers the feeling but not the details, we break down why this happens—and why it doesn’t have to be a deal breaker. We also talk about executive functioning in daily life, the cereal box story, and important questions every couple should ask before moving in together. 🔔 Subscribe so you don't miss our next episode where we continue the conversation. 📩 Send us your questions: [email protected] Chapters: 0:00 — When memory differences feel like gaslighting 0:57 — Meet the hosts: Mona Kay & Jodi Carlton 1:50 — Memory, meaning, and where neurodiverse couples miss each other 3:00 — Accuracy vs. emotional connection: the core disconnect 4:20 — Sarah's story: getting stuck on every wrong detail 6:02 — The boxing ring: when couples become opponents 6:18 — It's not a deal breaker: hope for neurodiverse couples 6:57 — Intent vs. impact: why curiosity beats taking it personally 8:29 — Trust erosion: why couples wait decades to get help 11:09 — Executive functioning in real life: the garbage night problem 12:41 — Codependency and bailing out: why it backfires 15:39 — Neurodivergent people are accountable too 17:19 — Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards 18:17 — The 50% divorce rate and undiagnosed neurotypes 19:09 — Questions every couple should ask before moving in together 19:35 — The cereal box story: not wanting to be "perceived" 21:29 — Wrap-up Find us at jodicarlton.com and neurodiverselove.com Navigating Neurodiverse Life and Love is a casual show about neurodiverse romantic relationships, families, and life as a neurodivergent person or parent, hosted by Mona Kay and Jodi Carlton, two leading voices in the area of neurodiverse life and love. 👩💼 About Jodi Carlton, MEd I'm Jodi Carlton, MEd, a neurodiversity educator, relationship expert, author, and coach with more than 20 years of experience helping individuals, couples, families, and professionals better understand autism, ADHD, and the realities of neurodiverse relationships. As a late-diagnosed ADHDer, I combine professional expertise with lived experience. My own family includes multiple neurotypes, and after spending nearly two decades in a neurodiverse marriage, I understand both the challenges and the opportunities that can emerge when different minds meet. My work also explores the important distinction between neurodivergent differences and harmful relationship dynamics, including narcissistic abuse and personality pathology. My goal is not to tell people what to think, but to help them better understand what they are experiencing so they can make informed decisions about their relationships. On this channel, you'll find episodes of the YOUR Neurodiverse Relationship podcast, interviews with leading experts, educational videos, and practical conversations designed to help you better understand yourself, the people you love, and the misunderstood mind. Learn more about my new book: The Misunderstood Mind - What We Got WRONG About Autism, ADHD, and Neurodivergence Visit: https://themisunderstoodmind.com Courses: https://jodicarlton.com/courses Quizzes: https://jodicarlton.com/take-a-quiz Subscribe to my articles & newsletter at https://inside.themisunderstoodmind.com
This week we're getting really personal. We're opening up about our own ADHD brains — the things we've struggled with, the stuff that drove our partners crazy, and the moments that only made sense once we finally understood neurodivergence. If you've ever felt like your brain works differently from everyone else's, or like your partner's special interests leave you feeling invisible, you're not alone. We've been there too. 🔔 Subscribe so you don't miss our next episode where we continue the conversation. 📩 Send us your questions: [email protected] YOUR Neurodiverse Relationship Podcast with Jodi Carlton Season 6 (Navigating Life & Love in Neurodiverse Relationships with co-host Mona Kay) Episode 8 Chapters: 0:00 — When a partner's special interest makes you invisible 1:45 — Today's topic: executive functioning challenges 2:19 — Jodi's ADHD spotted while editing the podcast 8:39 — Feeling invisible when a partner locks in 10:41 — ADHD vs autistic hyperfixation: how long is too long? 15:01 — Memory struggles: locked in but can't remember a thing 20:00 — Binging shows and forgetting you ever watched them Find us at www.jodicarlton.com and www.neurodiverselove.com Navigating Neurodiverse Life and Love is a casual show about neurodiverse romantic relationships, families, and life as a neurodivergent person or parent, hosted by Mona Kay and Jodi Carlton, two leading voices in the area of neurodiverse life and love. 👩💼 About Jodi Carlton, MEd I'm Jodi Carlton, MEd, a neurodiversity educator, relationship expert, author, and coach with more than 20 years of experience helping individuals, couples, families, and professionals better understand autism, ADHD, and the realities of neurodiverse relationships. As a late-diagnosed ADHDer, I combine professional expertise with lived experience. My own family includes multiple neurotypes, and after spending nearly two decades in a neurodiverse marriage, I understand both the challenges and the opportunities that can emerge when different minds meet. My work also explores the important distinction between neurodivergent differences and harmful relationship dynamics, including narcissistic abuse and personality pathology. My goal is not to tell people what to think, but to help them better understand what they are experiencing so they can make informed decisions about their relationships. On this channel, you'll find episodes of the YOUR Neurodiverse Relationship podcast, interviews with leading experts, educational videos, and practical conversations designed to help you better understand yourself, the people you love, and the misunderstood mind. Courses: https://jodicarlton.com/courses Quizzes: https://jodicarlton.com/take-a-quiz Subscribe to my newsletter "Inside The Misunderstood Mind": https://inside.themisunderstoodmind.com
If you're in a neurodiverse relationship — whether you're ADHD, autistic, or both — intimacy can be one of the most complicated things to navigate. In this episode, Mona Kay & I get real about love vs. sex, masking in the bedroom, asexuality, ethical non-monogamy, separate bedrooms, and the hidden pattern that quietly undermines intimacy for neurodiverse couples: fawning. In this episode, we talk about why so many neurodiverse marriages end up with "zero sex," but also creative solutions that actually work for both partners — this conversation goes places most podcasts won't. 🔔 Subscribe so you don't miss our next episode where we continue the conversation. 📩 Send us your questions: [email protected] YOUR Neurodiverse Relationship Podcast with Jodi Carlton Season 6 (Navigating Life & Love in Neurodiverse Relationships with co-host Mona Kay) Episode 7 Chapters: 0:00 Teaser 0:35 Intro 1:21 Love vs. Sex Myths 1:56 Masking & Mismatched Scripts 3:15 Asexuality & Misalignment 5:50 Get Help Early 6:57 Find Neurodivergent-Fluent Support 8:10 Creative Relationship Solutions 11:54 Define Your Own Relationship Rules 12:33 Dating Non-Negotiables & Self-Work 14:59 Support Options & Trusted Guides 15:48 Outro Find us at jodicarlton.com and www.neurodiverselove.com Navigating Neurodiverse Life and Love is a casual show about neurodiverse romantic relationships, families, and life as a neurodivergent person or parent, hosted by Mona Kay and Jodi Carlton, two leading voices in the area of neurodiverse life and love. 👩💼 About Jodi Carlton, MEd I'm Jodi Carlton, MEd, a neurodiversity educator, relationship expert, author, and coach with more than 20 years of experience helping individuals, couples, families, and professionals better understand autism, ADHD, and the realities of neurodiverse relationships. As a late-diagnosed ADHDer, I combine professional expertise with lived experience. My own family includes multiple neurotypes, and after spending nearly two decades in a neurodiverse marriage, I understand both the challenges and the opportunities that can emerge when different minds meet. My work also explores the important distinction between neurodivergent differences and harmful relationship dynamics, including narcissistic abuse and personality pathology. My goal is not to tell people what to think, but to help them better understand what they are experiencing so they can make informed decisions about their relationships. On this channel, you'll find episodes of the YOUR Neurodiverse Relationship podcast, interviews with leading experts, educational videos, and practical conversations designed to help you better understand yourself, the people you love, and the misunderstood mind. 🎧 Listen to the podcast: https://podlink.com/1612135248 📖 Subscribe to The Misunderstood Mind on Substack: https://inside.themisunderstoodmind.com 📅 Book a consultation: https://jodicarlton.com/private-consultation/ 🧠 Explore articles, courses, quizzes & resources: https://jodicarlton.com 👋🏼 Join our Neurodiverse Relationships community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/neurodiverserelationships ⸻ New here? Subscribe for thoughtful conversations about: * Autism and ADHD * Neurodiverse relationships * Communication and conflict * Alexithymia and executive functioning * Narcissistic abuse and personality pathology * Boundaries, healing, and healthier relationships Whether you are neurodivergent, love someone who is, or work with neurodiverse individuals and couples, you're welcome here.