Episode 160: More Than Monogamy Documentary- An Interview with the Creators

Over the years, we've received countless questions and podcast topic suggestions from listeners, but not every question lends itself to an entire episode. That's one reason we started hosting our weekly Ask Us Anything Friday livestreams in the We Gotta Thing community. Now we're bringing that same open, honest, and sometimes unpredictable conversation to the podcast! In this episode, we tackle some of your most frequently asked questions. We explore Mrs. Jones's attraction to women, whether we've ever broken a hard-and-fast lifestyle rule and regretted it, and how we approach conversations when meeting new couples. We also discuss navigating unexpected anxiety during play and the delicate question of whether to share our non-monogamous lifestyle with close friends who are curious about the secret to our sexual happiness. We talk about whether a previously declared "pants-on" friendship can evolve back into a sexual connection, what might prompt that change, and how to navigate it together. We also share our favorite ways to gracefully escape a conversation, whether we prefer planning a play date around a specific fantasy or letting things unfold organically, and how our perspectives on aging and attraction have evolved since we first explored the subject back in 2019. As always, our goal isn't to provide a one-size-fits-all answer, but to share what we've learned along our journey and encourage you to think about what works best in your own relationship. And who knows? If you enjoy this format, Ask Us Anything might just become a regular part of the podcast!

In this episode with Catherine from Expansive Connection Coaching we talk about how Menopause has a way of touching just about everything—and your relationship definitely doesn't get a pass. As estrogen declines, the instinct to take care of everyone, smooth the edges, keep the peace, and put other people's needs ahead of our own can start to change. Sometimes dramatically. Suddenly there's a desire for more space, clearer boundaries, less caretaking, and maybe even a little "I've got no more fucks to give." That can be confusing and scary for both partners, especially when it feels like the rules of the relationship are changing without anyone agreeing to change them. But maybe menopause isn't breaking anything. Maybe it's shining a very bright light on the places where we've compromised ourselves, become too dependent on one another, or stopped showing up authentically. And if that sounds familiar to those of us practicing ENM, it should. Non-monogamy has a funny way of exposing the fault lines in a relationship, and menopause can do exactly the same thing. The question becomes what we do once we see them. Instead of asking, "How do I get my wife—or my old relationship—back?" maybe we get curious about what this transition is trying to teach us. It's an opportunity for both partners to listen differently, own their stuff, create some intentional space, renegotiate expectations, and figure out who they want to be together in this next chapter. The good news is that those of us who've navigated an ENM journey may already have some of the tools. Because the goal isn't to survive menopause and somehow get everything back to the way it was. It's to build the relationship we didn't know was possible. Expansive Connection Coaching Wise Power by Pope and Wurlitzer- Discover the Liberating Power of Menopause to Awaken Authority, Purpose and Belonging I'm Hot (Ode to Menopause) Wild and Wise Women's Retreat Join the We Gotta Thing Community

Non-monogamy can be about much more than sex with other people. For us, it has enriched our relationship, created meaningful friendships, and changed the way we move through everyday life. In this episode, we explore how the lessons we've learned through ethical non-monogamy show up in our relationships with family, friends, neighbors, co-workers, and even when meeting strangers. We discuss the important distinction between being honest about who you are as a couple and oversharing the private details of your sex life. We've learned how to define our relationship on our own terms rather than allowing family, friends, religion, age, or societal expectations to define it for us. Mentioned in this episode: Contact Mr Jones for a promo code to try the We Gotta Thing community for three months! Book your Desire Resorts trip here Music used with permission from Luxe Music Studios: We Gotta Thing Playtime Dressed to Undress

Emotions are having a moment—and they're affecting everything from our broader culture to our most intimate relationships. In this episode, Kel from Expansive Connection joins us to explore how fear of uncomfortable feelings, emotional manipulation, codependency, and unregulated emotional expression can influence our decisions and cause harm. These challenges can become even more intense in ethical non-monogamy, where jealousy, insecurity, vulnerability, and uncertainty often bring powerful emotions to the surface. Navigating these adult relationships successfully requires an equally mature ability to understand and manage what we feel. In this episode we'll examine how emotions are created in the brain, why they are essential, and how "affective realism" can cause us to mistake what we feel for what is objectively true. Kel also shares practical ways to strengthen emotional intelligence and emotional fitness—including noticing and naming feelings, pausing before reacting, separating feelings from facts, and communicating more effectively. Uncomfortable emotions are inevitable, but avoiding them means missing valuable opportunities for growth, deeper self-awareness, and stronger relationships. Mentioned in this episode: The Feelings Wheel How We Feel Expansive Connection Coaching Join the We Gotta Thing Community

Kink is often misunderstood, wrapped in myths, stereotypes, and cultural taboos that obscure what it's really about. In this episode, we unpack what kink is—and just as importantly, what it isn't. From broad definitions of BDSM and the idea that kink is simply "whatever is taboo for you," we explore why modern media often gets it wrong by focusing on shock value while overlooking the foundations of communication, consent, negotiation, safety, and aftercare. We'll also challenge common misconceptions that kink is abusive, anti-feminist, or only about pain. Theresa from Expansive Connection will help us break down the different elements of BDSM and explain how many forms of play overlap, emphasizing that the labels matter far less than the connection and experience they create. Whether you're simply curious or already exploring, understanding the diversity of kink opens the door to seeing it through a much more informed and compassionate lens. Most importantly, we'll discuss why so many couples and consensually non-monogamous relationships find value in exploring kink. Join us as we explore how embracing curiosity and authenticity can deepen intimacy, strengthen connection, and remind us that desire isn't something to fear—it's an opportunity to grow together. Below are resources that referenced during this podcast: - The Erotic Blueprints, Miss Jaiya: https://missjaiya.com/ - Midori: www.planetmidori.com - NCSF (National Coalition for Sexual Freedom): https://ncsfreedom.org/ - NOW (National Organization for Women): https://now.org/ - Journal of Sexual Medicine 2008 study "Demographic and Psychosocial Features of Participants in BDSM": https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1743-6109.2008.00795.x - Journal of Homosexuality 2006 study "Understanding Sadomasochism: An Empirical Examination of Four Perspectives": https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1300/J082v50n02_07