I Begged Aliens to Take Me Off This Planet

Christian Vierling is asking the questions no sane person would ask- especially while surrounded by Swifties. This week on NEWS, Christian and Jerry dive into the terrifying power of Taylor Swift's fanbase, the dystopian insanity, (and vanity) of the VMAs, Meta's adorable little AI future that arrives just in time to steal your data, gentle parenting, Pokémon addiction, and the special circle of hell known as the destination wedding. It's news. Technically. NEWS with Christian Vierling is a comedy/parody news show where the facts are optional, the opinions are questionable, and we're absolutely willing to sell out if the price is right. Subscribe, like, comment and join the rapidly deteriorating NEWS community. #TaylorSwift #ChristianVierling #Comedy #NewsParody #Swifties #KimKardashian #Podcast

Welcome back to **NEWS. with Christian Vierling**, where the headlines are questionable, the opinions are worse, and knowing less may actually make you happier. This week, Christian dives headfirst into another collection of things nobody asked him to explain — from Korean BBQ etiquette and the annual pumpkin-spice takeover to looksmaxxing, 2000s nostalgia, men going to therapy, Christian influencers, megachurch culture, Dance Moms, Abby Lee Miller, and the terrifying realization that women who do Pilates may simply be more powerful than the rest of us. Along the way, we examine the important questions facing society: Is Korean BBQ actually dinner or an endurance sport? Have we finally taken male self-improvement too far? Was everything better in the 2000s, or were we just younger? And how many Pilates classes would Christian survive before requiring emergency medical assistance? It's news. Technically. **NEWS. with Christian Vierling** is a comedy/parody show. The opinions, jokes, exaggerations, questionable conclusions, and occasional complete nonsense expressed herein should not be confused with competent journalism. Subscribe for more NEWS — because **the less you know, the happier you'll be.** #ChristianVierling #NEWS #Comedy #ComedyPodcast #Satire #ParodyNews #Podcast #Looksmaxxing #KoreanBBQ #DanceMoms #AbbyLeeMiller #Pilates #2000sNostalgia

Christian Vierling is back with another completely unhinged episode of NEWS — taking on Sydney Sweeney’s latest ad, Hollywood’s Botox obsession at the Emmys, Cesar Millan and the Dog Whisperer era, the rise of shroom chocolates and microdosing, Bonnie Blue, Apple’s foldable iPhone, Venus, aliens, Oura Rings, Adam22 and Lena the Plug, and whatever else civilization decided to throw at us this week. Christian also relives a disastrous Korean BBQ experience, recalls taking four grams of mushrooms in high school, wonders whether celebrities can still move their faces, explains why he’ll inevitably buy Apple’s newest gadget no matter how much he complains about it, and sends another personal message to any extraterrestrials currently monitoring Earth. NEWS with Christian Vierling: the less you know, the happier you’ll be. Subscribe for new episodes and clips.

NEWS is back for Episode 5, and somehow the world has managed to get even stranger. Christian Vierling and producer Jerry tear into another week of ridiculous headlines, questionable decisions and stories that probably deserve far more mature analysis than they’re going to receive here. This week, Burning Man celebrates its 40th anniversary — and things take a dark turn in the Nevada desert. Christian digs into reports of deaths at the festival, the brutal conditions, and the particular combination of heat, dehydration and recreational chemistry that makes Black Rock City unlike almost anywhere else on Earth. That leads directly to Jerry’s own history with Burning Man — complete with photographic evidence Christian probably had no business finding. Plus: California, bodily functions, questionable life choices, neurodivergent brains and several other subjects that somehow become news. Welcome to NEWS. Subscribe and join us every week for the headlines nobody else is covering quite like this. #NEWS #BurningMan #ComedyNews #ChristianVierling #Satire #CurrentEvents #Podcast

Christian Vierling and producer Jerry are back for another completely reasonable examination of current events. This week: Flock surveillance cameras are popping up everywhere, Trump’s approval numbers spark Christian’s presidential ambitions, America needs to embrace men with less-than-impressive equipment, an iPhone story sends the show into technological despair, sex robots inevitably enter the conversation, sorority recruitment season returns, and advances in animal cloning raise one extremely important question: would Christian date himself? Plus modeling lessons for government surveillance cameras, an impromptu IQ test, questionable life advice, and approximately 70 minutes of evidence that NEWS should probably not be considered a legitimate news organization. Subscribe for new episodes of NEWS with Christian Vierling.