159 | Stop Performing Your Life: Unbecoming the Perfect Wife and Mom with Dr. Merry Lin, PhD
Living Easy with LindseyShow Notes
So many women know what it feels like to live for other people's approval. Whether it's in our marriages, motherhood, friendships, or even our faith communities. We project the "perfect" version of ourselves: kind, put-together, selfless, always smiling… but most of us are just freaking exhausted. In today's episode, I sit down with Dr. Merry Lin, clinical psychologist, speaker, and author of The Fully Lived Life and The Great Unbecoming. Dr. Lin shares her personal story of growing up as the only Asian family in her community, and how she tried to become the "whitest, kindest, most Christian" version of herself just to be accepted.
She opens up about what it means to live out of our shadow self—the insecure, performative part of us that craves belonging—and how that can keep us stuck in unhealthy cycles of performance and people-pleasing. Together, we also wrestle with a powerful tension many women feel: believing that living in their flesh is living in their essential, selfish self, and therefore sinful. But our essential self is not selfish. The Bible says we are created in the image of God, and the word for "image" means essence. That means who we really are—our true, God-breathed self—is a reflection of His glory. Every woman reflects a different aspect of that glory. In today's episode, we talk about: Why so many women feel like they must project a polished version of themselves (and how it's draining their souls).
The difference between living out of the shadow self vs. the essential, God-breathed self.
How compassion and grace for ourselves unlocks healing.
Why unbecoming the false self is actually the only way to truly become who God made us to be.
If you've ever felt like you're performing your life instead of actually living it, this conversation will remind you that freedom begins with unbecoming who you thought you had to be and resting in the truth of who God already says you are.
Follow along with Lindsey on IG: @livingeasywithlindsey Follow along with Dr. Merry Lin on IG: @drmerrylin
Order REBECOMING today!
More from Living Easy with Lindsey
If you've ever felt like screens are slowly taking over your home… you're not imagining it. In today's world, kids are growing up surrounded by constant stimulation, easy access to technology, and devices designed to capture their attention. And while screens aren't inherently bad, without clear boundaries they can quietly shape our kids' habits, emotions, and even their relationships.
What happens when ministry expectations go beyond Scripture? In this episode of Living Easy with Lindsey, Lindsey Maestas has an honest conversation with the women behind Pastors' Wives Tell All, Jessica, Jenna, and Stephanie, about the hidden pressure many pastors, pastors' wives, and ministry families carry behind closed doors. They discuss how churches can sometimes add expectations God never asked for: expectations that lead to burnout, exhausted marriages, neglected children, and leaders who are publicly pouring into everyone else while privately running dry at home, often leading to public downfall or sin. Together they unpack topics like: How church culture can add pressure that Scripture never required The cost of sacrificing your family on the altar of ministry Celebrity pastor culture, public redemption tours, and the tension between restoration and platforming How to know if your pastor is truly rooted in the Word of God The danger of putting internet pastors and ministry leaders on a pedestal Why healthy churches should be able to continue even if one leader leaves The importance of accountability, vulnerability, confession, and being fully known Why believers need community that challenges growth instead of letting them hide in crowds How to discern whether God is calling you to a large church or a smaller church where you can truly be known This conversation is honest, thoughtful, and deeply needed in a time when many believers are deconstructing or navigating disappointment with church culture while still wanting to love Jesus and honor His church. If you have ever felt burned out in ministry, confused by church leadership culture, frustrated by celebrity Christianity, or hungry for healthier spiritual community, this episode will encourage and challenge you.
In this conversation, I sit down with Jennifer Pepito, author of Habits for a Sacred Home and host of the Restoration Home podcast, to talk about how easy it is to become consumed by the constant stream of news, opinions, and outrage, and how that weight doesn't just stay on our phones, it follows us into our tone, our conversations, and the atmosphere of our homes. Jennifer shares insight from history, reflecting on how many revolutions were fueled by anger, only to leave people in an even more broken place. It's not about ignoring what's happening in the world, but learning how to navigate it with wisdom, focusing on what we can actually steward well. This episode is a reminder that the peace of God is not passive, it's protective. And that when we fix our minds on what is good, excellent, and lovely, it doesn't just change us, it shapes what our children experience and carry with them. If you've been feeling distracted, overwhelmed, or even frustrated by the state of the world, this conversation will gently call you back to what is yours to tend, your heart, your home, and the people right in front of you. You can learn more from Jennifer Pepito and explore her books here: https://thepeacefulpress.com Get Habits for a Sacred Home And listen to her podcast, Restoration Home, wherever you listen to podcasts. If this conversation resonates with you, my book Don't Burn Your Own House Down: Prioritizing Your Spouse, Your Marriage, and Yourself for a Deeper Connection is all about protecting what matters most and rebuilding connection in your home You can connect with me on Instagram at: https://www.instagram.com/livingeasywithlindsey
What happens when a marriage slowly drifts into loneliness, betrayal, and eventually divorce? And can God really restore something that broken? In this episode of Living Easy with Lindsey, Lindsey Maestas talks with author and marriage mentor Cheryl Scruggs about the painful season that led to an affair, the divorce that followed, and the unexpected seven-year journey that eventually led Cheryl and her husband Jeff back to each other. Cheryl shares honestly about feeling deeply alone in her marriage, the choices that led to brokenness, and the personal and spiritual transformation that made reconciliation possible. Their story is a powerful reminder that even when a marriage feels beyond repair, redemption is still possible. Resources Cheryl Scruggs https://jeffandcherylscruggs.com I Do Again: How We Found a Second Chance at Our Marriage https://www.amazon.com/Do-Again-Second-Chance-Marriage/dp/1400074452 Lindsey's Book Don't Burn Your Own House Down: Prioritizing Your Marriage, Your Spouse, and Yourself https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Burn-Your-House-Down/dp/0310369479 If this episode encouraged you, please subscribe, rate, and review on Spotify and/or Apple Podcasts so that more people can find these conversations! Follow Lindsey on Instagram for daily encouragement on faith, marriage, and intentional living.
Have you ordered, rated, and reviewed my new book, "Don't Burn Your Own House Down: Prioritizing Your Marriage, Your Spouse, and Yourself for a Deeper Connection"? If not, please take a second to do so!! If you've ever enjoyed my content, this is the greatest way that you could support me right now! THANK YOU!