The Psychology of Relationships

Rewriting the Story You Learned About Love: How to Heal the Childhood Wounds Affecting Your Adult Relationships w/ Vienna Pharaon

The Psychology of Relationships

Show Notes

Early experiences quietly shape how we attach, communicate, and handle conflict in adult relationships—without us even realizing it. In this episode, Vienna Pharaon, marriage and family therapist and author of The Origins of You, explores the five core childhood wounds many carry into adulthood. She explains how these wounds can appear as avoidance, people-pleasing, fear of abandonment, or staying stuck in unhealthy patterns—and why they were protective strategies, not flaws. Vienna also shares practical tools to heal these patterns so your past informs you without defining your future.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

The five core childhood wounds and how they show up in relationships Why early protective strategies can later limit intimacy How attachment styles, emotional triggers, and beliefs about love are formed Tools for identifying the narratives driving your relationship choices How to heal old patterns to build healthier, more connected relationships 

To learn more about Vienna Pharaon, follow @mindfulmft and visit https://viennapharaon.com/

Want to feel more connected to your partner? Download Brick and get 10% off at https://www.getbrick.app/PORSHOW

Our Sponsors: * Quince: Download the Quince App for app-exclusive offers and get free shipping and 365 day returns at https://quince.com and tell them you heard about them through The Psychology of Relationships or POR to support the show! * Talkiatry: Complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes at talkiatry.com/por

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

More from The Psychology of Relationships

Oct 22, 2026

Being single can easily feel like something we’re supposed to endure until we find someone—but what if it’s actually an opportunity to build a life you genuinely love? Julie & Yue are joined by John Kim, licensed therapist and author of Single On Purpose, to explore what happens when we stop treating partnership as the finish line. From rebuilding your relationship with yourself to “masturdating,” John offers a different way to think about singlehood, self-growth, and ultimately partnership. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why being single doesn’t have to mean being lonely How to build a fulfilling life outside of partnership Why we sometimes stop growing once we enter relationships What “masturdating” can teach you about yourself How a stronger relationship with yourself changes your relationships with others

Oct 15, 2026

A fulfilling sex life isn’t just about chemistry or technique—it’s about feeling comfortable enough to communicate, explore, and be vulnerable with each other. Julie & Yue are joined by licensed psychotherapist and sex therapist Ian Kerner, author of She Comes First, to explore how couples can use sex as an opportunity for deeper connection. From becoming more “cliterate” to expanding our understanding of pleasure beyond intercourse, Ian offers a practical look at creating more satisfying and connected intimacy.

Oct 8, 2026

When does wanting love become needing it? For some people, relationships can become a source of obsession, validation, and emotional dependence—making it difficult to feel secure without another person. Julie & Yue are joined by Sherry Gaba, LCSW, psychotherapist and relationship addiction expert, to unpack the psychology behind love addiction and the patterns that can keep people chasing connection at the expense of themselves.

Oct 1, 2026

What if the parts of yourself you’ve spent years trying to fix are actually connected to your greatest strengths? Julie & Yue are joined by psychotherapist and Deeper Dating author Ken Page to explore how our perceived flaws can point toward the qualities that make us most authentic, passionate, and alive. Rather than trying to become more lovable, we explore what happens when we recognize our core gifts, embrace the parts of ourselves we’ve learned to hide, and choose relationships where those qualities can truly be appreciated.

Sep 24, 2026

We’re often taught that being in a relationship is the goal—but what if partnership isn’t something we need in order to have a fulfilling life? Julie & Yue are joined by Simone Milasas and Brendon Watt, co-authors of Relationship.: Are You Sure You Want One?, to challenge the idea that being partnered is inherently better than being single. After consciously uncoupling from their own long-term relationship, they share what they learned about choosing partnership, creating a meaningful life independently, and redefining what a successful relationship can look like.

See all episodes →