Show Notes
Trigger Warnings: mention of self-harm and medical gaslighting. Explicit Content: some swearing. In today’s episode, I’ll be exploring the impacts of stress when living with ADHD, and how overwhelm plays its part. I’ll be sharing this chat with Talk to Coco. Of course, ADHD in and of itself is a stressful idea – from often having to mask to fit in to just navigating the day-to-day challenges around executive function. Even with the powerful knowledge that comes with a diagnosis, self-advocating within a system that isn’t wholly supportive of neurodivergence is another major cause of stress. It’s like an extra layer on top of what is already a life primed for overwhelm. Which may be a factor in why adverse outcomes like mental health issues and in-patient treatment are common in those with ADHD. Coco is a writer, poet and activist who uses their platform to encourage open conversations around mental health, sexuality, chronic illness, neurodivergence and gender identity. Coco is an all-round force for good. When you listen to them speak, there’s always a message of uplifting power there, and to know them is to share in that optimism. But this generous spirit of self and community love has come from a lifetime of dealing with stress, as Coco’s lived experience has been shaped by the intersections they now advocate for. Coco shares how stress manifests for them – both the daily grind of life and the stresses of environmental sensory challenges – how this has played out in medical setting as someone with a chronic illness, and how tackling that stress has to be the first step in self care. We talk about triggers, coping mechanisms (boundaries, babe!) and Coco’s stress-busting playlist. We look at how holidays can be ironically stressful, and how important it is to put yourself first in trying to find a way out. Coco also reveals how being a voice for the non-binary, Black, chronically ill and queer communities has forced them to tackle stress publicly. Coco can be found on Instagram @talktococo THE EXPERT Dr Mohamed Abdelghani is a consultant psychiatrist who specialises in mood disorders and adult ADHD. www.Dyad-medical.com Please note, your first port of call if you think you might have ADHD should be your GP. In the meantime, you can find more information here: Understanding ADHD in Girls and Women, by Joanne Steer. The ADHD Foundation Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
More from Is It My ADHD?
Right up to the age of 37, I wondered: what is wrong with me? Why do I always feel like I am other, I am different, I am an outsider? Considering I am a white, non-disabled, cis-gendered, heterosexual person, this was not an othering shaped by our intolerant society; In every sense of the word, I am privileged. But I am also just plain wrong. I was self-conscious about something nobody could see. I rarely felt safe in my surroundings, and I would only know ‘normal’ by its absence in my head. Of course, in 2021 I got my answer – I have combined type ADHD. But far from being the answer, it just set off a string of new questions for me, and what followed was a lonely time filled with grief, anger and confusion. I had to sit on these questions because, even if I could have afforded it, they weren’t really fit for the psychiatrist’s chair. I desperately wanted to understand something that was still relatively unknown – living as a woman with ADHD was still a mysterious, seemingly under-researched subject. I’ve loved having the opportunity to explore this condition with you all via the podcast for the past few years. And now there is more – I’ve written a book! AN ACTUAL BOOK! It’s everything I wish I’d known back then when my assessment ended, and even further back than that, what would have helped to read as a teenager who was always wondering what the hell was going on. IS IT MY ADHD, THE BOOK, IS AVAILABLE TO PRE-ORDER TODAY! I wanted to talk a bit about why I wanted to write this book, so this episode delves a little deeper into my story, how I got here and what you can expect from the book. Now, it’s not out until February 2025, but you can pre-order it now, and I’m told the more pre-orders that are made now, the more visible the book will be to customers. So if you’re keen to read it and delve deeper into the stories of myself and an amazing community of other women and non-binary people, now is a great time to order IS IT MY ADHD the book, and it’ll land on your doorstep as soon as it’s published! Thank you for the huge part you have played in making this book possible simply by listening to the podcast. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Relationships are bound to be impacted by ADHD, and if you’re living with your partner and they’re therefore privy to your most private moments, it can be a lot. We’ve explored the world of dating, but how does ADHD affect long-term relationships? People with ADHD might be spontaneous, passionate, intuitive, fun and creative, but inevitably other traits might come into play, such as conflict seeking behaviour, impatience, mood swings, irritability, recklessness, overwhelm and rejection sensitive dysphoria. I’ve been with my husband for nearly 20 years, and am very aware of his strengths in supporting me. But what if both partners have ADHD? Does this meeting of shared needs make for a supremely supportive, understanding and balanced partnership? Today, I’m joined by Jessica Kellgren-Fozard. A prolific vintage style content creator and YouTuber, Jessica is also a deaf and disabled activist, advocating for LGBTQ+ lives, and is one half of Jessie & Claud, where she and her wife share their experiences as Montessori mothers to their son, Rupert. In this second instalment of my chat with Jessica, we discuss what it was like growing up at the intersections of undiagnosed ADHD and chronic illness, focusing largely on how the school years went. Jessica talks about her deafness and how this in many ways masked her ADHD. We discuss emotional lability in a relationship, how she and Claudia support one another, and how Claudia helps manage her symptoms. If you missed part 1, check it out wherever you get your podcasts, to hear about how Jessica met her wife Claudia, about how the dynamic shifts when you have a child, the differences between them and how that can create both balance and tension. We also talk about the challenges of rejection sensitivity. And now back to the chat with Jessica. Follow me here You can find Jessica on Instagram here. Jessica is also on YouTube. If you are experiencing any issues with your medication, consult your doctor. Please note, your first port of call if you think you might have ADHD should be your GP. In the meantime, you can find more information here: Understanding ADHD in Girls and Women, by Joanne Steer Huge thanks to The Tape Agency for making this two-part special and taking such good care of me. Please note, your first port of call if you think you might have ADHD should be your GP. This podcast is no substitute for professional medical care or diagnosis. In the meantime, you can find more information here: The ADHD Foundation Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Relationships are bound to be impacted by ADHD, and if you’re living with your partner and they’re therefore privy to your most private moments, it can be a lot. We’ve explored the world of dating, but how does ADHD affect long-term relationships? People with ADHD might be spontaneous, passionate, intuitive, fun and creative, but inevitably other traits might come into play, such as conflict seeking behaviour, impatience, mood swings, irritability, recklessness, overwhelm and rejection sensitive dysphoria. I’ve been with my husband for nearly 20 years, and am very aware of his strengths in supporting me. But what if both partners have ADHD? Does this meeting of shared needs make for a supremely supportive, understanding and balanced partnership? Today, I’m joined by Jessica Kellgren-Fozard. A prolific vintage style content creator and YouTuber, Jessica is also a deaf and disabled activist, advocating for LGBTQ+ lives, and is one half of Jessie & Claud, where she and her wife share their experiences as Montessori mothers to their son, Rupert. In this first part of our chat with Jessica, she shares how she met her wife, Claudia; how the relationship dynamic shifts when you have a child; the differences between how ADHD shows up for them and how that can create both balance and tension. We also talk about the challenges of rejection sensitivity. Join us again next week for the second instalment of my chat with Jessica, when we’ll discuss emotional lability in a relationship, how she and Claudia support one another, and how Claudia helps manage her symptoms. In a slight twist on our usual format, we have decided to share YOUR questions with the experts. This week, we ask Dr Jo Steer, a clinical psychologist and author of Understanding ADHD in Girls & Women: what is caused by ADHD and what is caused by trauma? Follow me here You can find Jessica on Instagram here. Jessica is also on YouTube. If you are experiencing any issues with your medication, consult your doctor. Please note, your first port of call if you think you might have ADHD should be your GP. In the meantime, you can find more information here: Understanding ADHD in Girls and Women, by Joanne Steer Huge thanks to The Tape Agency for making this two-part special and taking such good care of me. Please note, your first port of call if you think you might have ADHD should be your GP. This podcast is no substitute for professional medical care or diagnosis. In the meantime, you can find more information here: The ADHD Foundation Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Welcome to the second episode in our deep dive into learned helplessness with stylist, editor and author of Style & Substance, Bay Garnett. We talk about unlearning learned helplessness, how she’s learning to plan and think a few steps ahead since she was diagnosed, and feels more able to try new things she previously thought she would never be able to master. She reveals how she shows up as her authentic self, the ways in which her family often steps up to help with tasks she finds challenging and the positive impact it’s had on her kids. In a slight twist on our usual format, we have decided to share YOUR questions with the experts. This week, we ask Dr Mohamed Abdelghani, a lead consultant psychiatrist specialising in ADHD in adults at Nurify Medical in London: how do you know if you’ve reached a plateau with your medication and either need to adjust the dose or try a new medication? Check out the first episode of this 2-part feature with Bay to hear more about bunking off school, growing up feeling inadequate and how Bay unwittingly shaped a career that made the most of her strengths and mitigated the challenges she’d face around admin and organisation. Follow me here You can find Bay on Instagram @baygarnett and her book, Style & Substance: Why What We Wear Matters is available here You can also listen to Bay’s podcast, This Old Thing, wherever you get your podcast from. If you are experiencing any issues with your medication, consult your doctor. Please note, your first port of call if you think you might have ADHD should be your GP. In the meantime, you can find more information here: Understanding ADHD in Girls and Women, by Joanne Steer Huge thanks to The Tape Agency for making this two-part special and taking such good care of me. Please note, your first port of call if you think you might have ADHD should be your GP. This podcast is no substitute for professional medical care or diagnosis. In the meantime, you can find more information here: The ADHD Foundation Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Today I speak to the stylist, editor, podcaster and author of Style & Substance, Bay Garnett, just one year on from her ADHD diagnosis. While we amble through our shared memories and her career as a stylist, we also dive deep into the issues of learned helplessness with someone for whom the discovery is still quite fresh. The concept of Learned Helplessness was established by American psychologist, Martin Seligman in 1967, and it’s essentially the theory that when a person or animal learns to accept and endure an unpleasant event and no longer tries to avoid or adapt, even when it can be easily avoided, they have been conditioned to think they have no power over their situation. It’s something commonly seen with ADHD, especially those diagnosed later in life, as we repeatedly try and fail to perform as we’d wish. It becomes easier – emotionally and physically – to avoid that activity altogether. It’s something I can identify in several of my own issues, from putting together flat pack furniture to changing passwords online. Bay - one of the best loved multi-hyphenates of the fashion world – and I first met about 15 years ago at Vogue, when she was styling the likes of Sophie Dahl for cover shoots, championing vintage and second-hand clothing. It was great to be able to reflect on that time together through the lens of ADHD, and share the experiences that led Bay to seek an assessment last year. We discuss growing up ‘on the outside’ of things, feeling incapable at school and bunking off, and how that develops into adulthood, in your career, within your family dynamic and in day-to-day living. Bay shares how she still isn’t sure she knows what she’s ‘good at’, after years of feeling inadequate, but has unwittingly shaped a career that would make the most of her strengths and largely reduce the number of challenges she would face around admin and organisation. She reveals what it’s like to work at VOGUE when you’ve got ADHD, what it feels like to lose things and how people often show up for you in those scenarios. In a slight twist on our usual format, we have decided to share YOUR questions with the experts. This week, we ask Dr Mohamed Abdelghani, a lead consultant psychiatrist specialising in ADHD in adults at Nurify Medical in London: how do you know if your ADHD meds are working? How should you ideally feel on them? Follow the podcast for the next episode of this 2-part feature with Bay, where we explore what follows a diagnosis, how Bay is unlearning learned helplessness and the positive impact her ADHD has had on her kids. Follow me here You can find Bay on Instagram @baygarnett and her book, Style & Substance: Why What We Wear Matters is available here You can also listen to Bay’s podcast, This Old Thing, wherever you get your podcast from. If you are experiencing any issues with your medication, consult your doctor. Please note, your first port of call if you think you might have ADHD should be your GP. In the meantime, you can find more information here: Understanding ADHD in Girls and Women, by Joanne Steer Huge thanks to The Tape Agency for making this two-part special and taking such good care of me. Please note, your first port of call if you think you might have ADHD should be your GP. This podcast is no substitute for professional medical care or diagnosis. In the meantime, you can find more information here: The ADHD Foundation Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices