148. Why Isn't Everyone Finding the Love They Desire? with Sabrina Zohar

What if your attachment style isn’t a label you’re stuck with, but a pattern you can rewrite?

In this episode, Emily Fletcher sits down with Sabrina Zohar, a certified dating and relationship coach, entrepreneur, and host of The Sabrina Zohar Show. Her debut book, Why Am I Like This?, is out Oct 13. Sabrina is known for direct, practical advice on attachment, triggers, and self-worth, rooted in psychology and nervous system science.

She explains why we keep choosing the same pattern, why you can earn your secure, and how to build the capacity to receive the love you say you want. She also gives two questions to ask in any trigger: how old do I feel, and who taught me this? Then Emily brings a real dating story from her own life, and Sabrina coaches her live on why little Emily took the wheel and what big Emily needs instead.

Emily also connects the dots to Ziva: raise your threshold of tolerance, the space between a trigger and your response, and you get to choose who you want to be.

In this episode, Sabrina explores:

Why we think we know what we want but not what we need

The salience network, and why your brain keeps finding the same pattern

Wanting a healthy relationship versus having the capacity to hold one

A one-word pattern interrupt for people-pleasers

How to tell an old wound from a real red flag by the intensity of your body sensations

Why attachment styles are not fixed, and why “people are not bumper stickers”

Two questions for any trigger: “How old do I feel?” and “Who taught me this?”

Why rejection closes the loop and ghosting keeps it open

The difference between intellectualizing your patterns and embodying change

What to do when a partner starts using you as their therapist

Key Moments:

00:00 – Welcome, and who Sabrina Zohar is 03:14 – Why isn’t everyone finding the love they desire? 04:26 – The salience network: why your brain keeps finding the same pattern 05:31 – Wanting love versus having the capacity to hold it 07:47 – The one-word pattern interrupt for people-pleasers 12:11 – It is okay to want someone: needs versus wants 16:11 – Wound or red flag? How to tell an old trigger from a real signal 19:05 – The unanswered text, and what your body sensations reveal 20:16 – Attachment styles are not fixed 26:26 – “How old do I feel?” and “Who taught me this?” 27:04 – Emily connects the dots: the space between trigger and response 29:44 – Live coaching begins: Emily’s Burning Man story 34:59 – Rejection closes the loop, ghosting keeps it open 38:01 – “Little Emily was driving the car” 45:56 – The egg frequency: discernment and choosing 50:17 – Main character energy, without the entitlement 56:16 – From knowing to embodying 58:04 – “Your triggers are not my responsibility” 1:04:35 – When one partner grows spiritually and the other does not 1:08:08 – Get comfortable being uncomfortable

About Sabrina Zohar

Sabrina Zohar is a certified dating and relationship coach, entrepreneur, and the voice behind The Sabrina Zohar Show, a weekly podcast on dating, attachment, and self-worth that ranks in the top 0.05% of podcasts globally. She has coached more than 2,000 clients, and her work has been featured in Vogue, Glamour UK, the Los Angeles Times, and People, and on The Drew Barrymore Show. Her debut book, Why Am I Like This?, is out Oct 13.

Get the book: Why Am I Like This? → sabrinazohar.com/book Website: sabrinazohar.com Instagram: @sabrina.zohar

This episode is sponsored by Timeline. Support your mitochondrial health and get 20% off Mitopure at timeline.com/ziva.

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