EP 127 The Frequency of False Freedom you might not be seeing...

My gosh, you're good at talking yourself out of shit. And it feels really convincing. Perfectly logical. Perfectly explainable. You're like, Danya, I know. And you probably do. You've probably taught on it. Think of something you want that you haven't asked for yet. A sale. A new price point. Asking that person out. Leaving that person. Now ask yourself why you haven't. Not the student answer, the one trying to get it right. Underneath it. Maybe it's this one. You hired your team member to do the job, and now you feel guilty actually handing her the work. One of my clients finally handed off the sales calls she'd been taking herself, some weeks 16 to 20 of them, and messaged me after: "thanks for challenging my stubborn ass." It's not about the thing. The thing reveals the guilt, the fear, the shame, the stories underneath. In this one: what I had hanging around my neck when I walked away from my first career, and why walking away was never the hard part. But I explain what is in this episode, and it's tripping many of you up. The launch you've rinsed and repeated until it's smooth sailing, and the one thing you still can't do with it. Who decided wanting more is greedy. Why I'd give the shirt off my back to a stranger, and what that was actually costing the people I love. The three modes I see people stuck in, and the question that cracks every one of them open. And the number, one to 10, most people are honestly living at. I get one life, one opportunity. Cue Eminem. This is the energy behind the Fuck Around and Find Out experiment. Not another course. You've got enough on your plate. It's a mirror. 30 days, give or take, and it's $27 for now Come in here.

The higher the performer, the more likely you're mistaking pressure for power. You know how to focus. You know how to execute, how to push, how to discipline yourself and optimise and perform under pressure. That's why you've created what you've created. And when I say that, I get the same answer. "No, Danya, hard work's my edge" Yeah. I used to say it too. I could outwork anyone. It landed me in the hospital twice. In this one I break down the three frequencies I see in almost every high performer I've worked with. The first one got you great results, and it's like putting the most cheap ass gas in a Lamborghini. The second one is the one nobody posts about. The business is built, things are automating, the team's doing its job, and you're bored as fuck. The third is where I want you, and it isn't the version your mind's concocted up right now. There's a figure skater I can't stop thinking about. She retired because her body was breaking down and she wasn't having fun anymore. Then she came back and said fuck the rules. There's why you get dumber the second something matters. A $100,000 more, a new client, a different conversation. And how you can catch it in your own language before you've even noticed your chest. There's the one I hear every week. "But if I stop pushing, everything will fall apart. Danya, you don't understand how I've built this." Yeah. At a cost. And at the end, your Fuck Around and Find Out experiment for today. One question, for the thing in your business that's been making your heart race. You've already proven you can perform under pressure. The question now is, can you create from play? The Fuck Around and Find Out experiment has started, you coming in!? Not by adding more. You don't need more. You need less. It's only $27 for now. Get in before it rises.

I was booking flights and researching points and I was like, I don't want to do this. I just don't want to. I know I'm very capable of figuring anything out. I've always done it. I don't want to. So I asked myself, can you imagine if I just asked if someone wants to share their points with me? Wait a second. Danya, I think you're onto something here. Then I bumped into an architect walking her dogs. Piercing blue eyes. We're talking about the grey coming into Vancouver and she goes, oh man, I wish I could travel. I wish I could do what you do. Third person that week. Why can't you? Have you asked? She hadn't. In this one: what she found out about a colleague at her own firm, and what she's doing when she gets back to the office. The chiropractor who told me you can't have it all, and what I said back in my head. The Facebook memory of me on a pool deck in my Team Canada gear, and the one question that took me off it. And the figure skater at the Olympics who got asked about the pressure and went, what? I don't see it as that. This is the Fuck Around and Find Out experiment. Tell the truth. Ask for what you want. Find out what happens. The truth part is where I've been lying to myself, even subtly, and I take such pride in not settling. Someone asks you for plans, it's a lukewarm yes, you don't actually want to go. You say yes anyway. Why? The ask part is the cringe part. Points. A home base. A director who can put me in a rom-com holiday movie. Why not? Three possibilities. I get it, I get something different, or it's a no. If you don't ask, you get nothing. You just sit with the overthinking. And I know you've done a fuck ton of work. Stop trying to dig up the roots of everything and go live. You'll see your edges by living, not by digging. There's the successful prison of being so self-aware you can explain exactly why you're not doing the thing. And the one of always being the reliable one who does everything herself. I've built both. And at the end, why you have to tear the house down before you can build a bigger one, and the part everyone forgets about the foundation. Your 100 year old self isn't giving a shit about what you're worrying about right now. Mine's like, babe, do it for the plot. The Fuck Around and Find Out experiment starts Thursday 1 October. I'm building it live with the people inside it. It's $27 to come in right now and the price doubles as we go. DM or email me FAFO before the price doubles. and doubles. and keeps on doubling. Get in now while it's less than your morning Erewhon smoothie ;)

I was in meditation yesterday and the word that came through, clear as anything, went straight into my journal. Dildo. yup we are going there in more ways than one...and how this has EVERYTHING to do with your money, impact, business. Okay. Game on. Never in a million years did I think I'd talk about sex or pleasure or any of this on my platform. And within a snap of a second it was like, bitches, this is exactly what you've got to talk about. Because the whole point of Unfuckwithable is liberation. And you cannot liberate yourself from something nobody will say out loud with you. Shame only lives in isolation. That's the whole thing. So here's mine. Nothing was talked about growing up. I got taken out of sex talks in high school, which, let's be honest, you got bullied for. I didn't know how to shave my legs, so I took a chunk out of my leg the first time. Your girl scooped. And I didn't know there were two holes, so the first time I used a tampon I put it in the wrong one and it burned, and I had nothing to compare it to, so I just assumed that's what it was. Years later I'm on a sailboat in the Whitsundays and a young woman I've never met finds the courage to ask me, is it meant to hurt when it's up there? No, my love. No, no, no, no. It isn't. Let me talk you through it. And I thought, I wish someone had done that for me. I'm 35 and there are still tinges of it. I still turn the lights off. I'm not fully comfortable in my own body and my own pleasure yet, and I'm saying that out loud on purpose, because the shame is the thing that makes you think you're the only one. In this one: the friend who said "you need to try this" and what happened at nearly thirty that I'd never experienced in three relationships, one of them a seven and a half year engagement. Why so many women can't get there and think they're broken, and the actual reason, which has a name and isn't a flaw. Spectating, which is Bibi's word and it wrecked me in the best way, because I heard it and went, oh God, that's me. I do that. And the one that goes way past this topic: normal is not a standard. Normal is just what got repeated in front of you. A decade without sex is normal. Arguing is normal. Fizzling out into roommates is normal. Okay. Maybe for you. I don't accept that. Where did you decide the thing you're tolerating is just how it goes? And who ingrained that in you? Here's why this belongs on a podcast that's mostly about money and business, and I'll say it plainly because my own brain asked me the same question in meditation. Shame doesn't stay in the room you left it in. It bleeds into your money, your leadership, your relationships, your visibility, your comfortability with yourself. It's involved in everything. There is no version of you that is liberated over here and silenced over there. The most dangerous woman is a liberated woman. One who knows herself, is connected to her own truth, her own knowing, her own voice, her morals, her values, and knows she has every right to change her mind at any moment. Why is she dangerous? Because she can't be controlled. Take what has value. Leave what doesn't. And if this activated you, which is the word I use, not triggered, good. That's the point. I have a handful of Laser Sessions open this month. One live hour, you and me, on the one thing you've been circling and not saying. Book it here.

I'm gonna tell on myself. Right here, right now. Because beeetch, I'm tired of the "shit". I'm tired of me. I've been in what I'd call "stuckness" energy, which is ironic, given the work I do with myself and my clients. It's not that I'm not fiercely grateful. It's not that I'm not present. I regret nothing, every choice these last three months was conscious and intentional. It's just... it's not lighting me on fire like it used to. I'm coasting. And I don't like it. It's not me. Life to me is romanticising the shit out of even the most boring mundane things. And I'm really good at intellectualising it. Oh, but I'm choosing this. Redirection is protection. Okay, that didn't work out, here we go. I'm really good at that shit. But as I'm sitting here with my morning tea, I'm also like, Danya, you're just kind of sick of your shit. All of that can be true. And? Just admit you've been in a bit of a funk. So this one is me outing myself, because I know you've been feeling something like it, and there's guilt and shame around it. How could I let this happen? I teach this shit. Nothing's wrong with you. Like, literally nothing. You're in a pivot. There's some recalibration happening. In this one: why you're not exempt from the very thing you embody and teach, and the two examples I use to end that argument for good. The snow globe, the penguin, and the phase nobody warns you about, the one after everything settles. Why you don't get strong in the gym, and what that means for the quiet you're sitting in right now. And the results paradigm, in full: why strategy is the last thing that happens before a result, why it's only responsible for 10 to 15% of it, and what actually precedes the action you keep reaching for. I take you upstream one layer at a time, past the 95% your conscious mind never sees, all the way back to the thing that precedes your subconscious. Plus: how fucking clean my house gets when I'm in fear, and what "productive" procrastination looks like on someone who's done all the work. Reading another book. Taking another fucking course. Learning another healing modality. Bitch, that's you procrastinating. You are a unicorn. Your problems are not a unicorn. They're just wearing the fur coat instead of the bikini. You just forgot. But now you've remembered. So what are you gonna do about it? The Laser is you and me, live, one hour, on the exact state you're about to take action from. I have a handful open this month. Book it here.