The Grief of Becoming a Mother Without Your Mom

Casey Mulligan Walsh was just 12 years old when she lost both of her parents within ten months of each other. Suddenly uprooted from the only life she knew, she was sent to live with relatives in upstate New York while her older brother remained behind. Eight years later, her brother died unexpectedly, leaving Casey as the last surviving member of her immediate family. She built a family of her own, determined to create the stability she had lost so young. Then, years later, she experienced the loss every parent fears when her 20-year-old son, Eric, was killed in a car accident. In this conversation, Casey and Heather look beyond the losses themselves to the ways they shaped everything that followed. Casey reflects on learning as a child not to take up too much space, losing the people who were the “keepers” of her history, and her lifelong instinct to control what she could in a world that had repeatedly shown her how little control we actually have. She also shares who Eric was before his death—the funny, charismatic, adventure-seeking son who made her a mother—and how his spirit continues to influence the life she leads today. Together, Casey and Heather explore the difference between surviving tragedy and eventually finding meaning within it, the possibility of post-traumatic growth, and the belief that when we cannot change what has happened to us, we can still decide what we do with the life that remains. It’s a conversation about unimaginable loss, the people who stay with us, and believing, even in the darkest moments, that there can be another way. Resources & Ways to Connect Casey Mulligan Walsh Website: https://caseymulliganwalsh.com/

Before she turned 30, Tara Accardo lost both of her parents to cancer within six months of each other. An only child who had always considered her parents her “North Stars,” Tara suddenly found herself navigating a world without the two people she would have turned to when everything fell apart. Her mother’s illness introduced her to anticipatory grief before she even had a name for it, and while she was still reeling from that loss, her father’s health began to decline. Then, less than a year after his death, Tara lost Princess, the beloved dog she’d had since childhood. In the span of a year and a half, the family and sense of home she had always known were gone. In this conversation, Tara and Heather talk about compound grief, the loneliness of losing your parents young, and the strange process of figuring out who you are after loss fundamentally changes you. Tara shares how giving herself grace helped her begin to rebuild, eventually leading her to create Losses Become Gains, become a certified grief coach, and launch the Life With Grief podcast. They also explore the complicated idea that something meaningful can grow from devastating loss without suggesting the loss itself was somehow worth it, why grief can make the small stuff feel a whole lot smaller, and how community can help us feel seen when the people around us simply don’t understand. Tara also shares the story behind Letters of Light, her monthly snail-mail project offering fellow grievers a tangible reminder that they aren’t alone. It’s an honest conversation about the person you were before loss, the person you become afterward, and learning to make room for both. Resources & Ways to Connect Losses Become Gains: https://lossesbecomegains.com/

Ann Marie Farino’s oldest son, Richard, was charismatic, funny, deeply empathetic, and the kind of kid who could walk into a room and connect with just about anyone. But beginning around age 12, he also struggled with depression, anxiety, and other mental health challenges that eventually gave way to addiction. For years, Ann Marie did everything she could to help—therapists, schools, treatment programs, boundaries, second chances, and countless “deep breath mom moments” when there was no obvious right answer. Eventually, Richard got sober and stayed that way for the final three years of his life. He was working, building a life, and preparing to get married when, in June 2016, he died by suicide at just 24 years old. In this conversation, Ann Marie and Heather talk honestly about what it means to love a child through mental illness and addiction, the limits of what even a fiercely devoted parent can fix, and the complicated reality of losing someone to suicide. Ann Marie shares why, even during Richard’s years of sobriety, part of her always feared what might happen, and how she came to understand that life had simply become too painful for him. They also talk about the joy and humor that existed alongside the chaos, the “divine nudges” that continue to make Ann Marie feel Richard’s presence, and the bench in his hometown that has become an unexpected place of connection and remembrance. Nearly ten years after Richard’s death, Ann Marie has learned that grief and joy can occupy the same life—and that the love between a mother and her son doesn’t end when he dies. Resources & Ways to Connect Ann Marie Farino Website: https://annmariefarino.com/

It’s been just over two years since Melissa Allen lost her daughter, Liv, after a sudden illness at 18 years old. Melissa has joined Heather on A Place of Yes before, but grief looks different now. Some days she can work, laugh, show up for the people she loves, and feel genuinely grateful for her life. Other days, a photograph can send her right back to the earliest days of loss. And as her younger daughter, Sophia, graduated from high school and left for college, Melissa found herself confronting an entirely new layer of grief: watching one daughter reach the milestones the other never had the chance to experience. In this conversation, Melissa and Heather talk honestly about what child loss looks like years later and the losses that continue to emerge as life moves forward. They discuss the complicated mix of pride and heartbreak that comes with watching their surviving children grow up, the strange loneliness of an empty nest after losing a child, and the work of allowing yourself to have terrible days without letting them consume your life. Melissa also reflects on how the Live Like Liv Foundation has given her a way to help others and keep Liv’s memory present, while acknowledging that grief work can sometimes carry its own emotional cost. Together, she and Heather talk about giving their living children space to build lives of their own, finding comfort in the smallest memories, and the perspective that comes from experiencing the unimaginable. As Melissa puts it, “death humbles you”—and more than two years later, she is still learning what it means to carry that truth forward. Resources & Ways to Connect Live Like Liv Foundation: https://livelikelivfoundation.org/

Angelina was just three and a half years old when she was diagnosed with stage 4 neuroblastoma. Faced with devastating odds, her mom, Danielle Phillips, made a promise: if there came a point when treatment was no longer working, she wanted enough time to help Angelina do something incredible. What followed were seven and a half years of treatment, but also a life filled with huge birthday parties, cruises, Disney trips, indoor skydiving, swimming with sea turtles, ziplining in Hawaii, and checking off as much of Angelina’s bucket list as they possibly could. Even as the end approached, Danielle kept going, determined that cancer might shape Angelina’s life, but it would never be the only thing that defined it. In this conversation, Danielle and Heather talk about parenting a child with cancer, making impossible decisions, and what it means to help your child not just survive, but truly live. Danielle shares the story behind Angelina’s adventures, the final whirlwind of trips they took together, and the conversation shortly before Angelina died that reassured her they had done exactly what they set out to do. They also explore the ripple effect Angelina’s story had on other families facing childhood cancer and how, after her death, Danielle created They Were Here to preserve the stories and lessons of people who are gone. It’s a funny, heartbreaking, and life-affirming conversation about making the time you have count and ensuring the people we love are remembered for how they lived—not simply how they died. Resources & Ways to Connect They Were Here: https://theywereherelessons.org/