It's Been a Tough Few Weeks - Here's How We're Working Through It & Staying United: Episode 439

Do you ever have the experience that a simple conversation with your partner can all of a sudden can create tension? If that has happen to you more than once, you know it makes you less likely to even want to bring things up agian. In our marriage coaching with couples, we can often predict whether a conflict will escalate into more disconnection or bring them closer, and it comes down to one thing: the level of emotional safety the feel. Though that may sound obvious, the "how to" for creating this level of safety usually isn't. What we've noticed is that most couples have never actually defined what emotional safety means, so they don't know what they're building or even when it's quietly eroding. In this episode, we define emotional safety, and show you how to tell the difference between normal tension and actually feeling unsafe, plus what to do in the moment when a conversation starts to spiral. You'll learn the everyday habits that make your partner shut down, withdraw or stop bringing things up, and the simple steps that help you both stay open, even when you disagree. We share honest moments from our own marriage, and why this matters for the kids who are watching how the two of you handle hard moments. Whether you tend to react fast or go silent, you'll leave with language and steps you can use at your next tough conversation.

In this episode we sit down with therapist Kelly McDaniel, author of Mother Hunger, to explore how the way we were cared for as children shows up in how we love, react, and connect as adults. You will realize that you don't just marry a partner, you marry their childhood. Aaron shares the birth story that shaped how he relates to touch and the real reason he once tried to break up with Jocelyn, and Jocelyn opens up about where her drive to be seen actually came from. Kelly also speaks directly to the partner on the other side of this, the one who wants to help but isn't sure how, and shares what it looks like to face it together, on the same team. 📕 Pre-order our book SAME TEAM and you'll instantly get two guides, the 10-Minute Nightly Check-In and 12 Same Team Phrases to De-Escalate Tension, plus an entry to win an all-expenses-paid couples getaway to Scottsdale, Arizona for every pre-order before January 26: meetthefreemans.com/sameteam 👉 Find Kelly's book Mother Hunger and her resources at kellymcdanieltherapy.com and on Instagram @KellyMcDanielTherapy.

You love each other, you both work hard, and still there are moments when it feels like you're playing on opposite sides, over the dishes, the bedtime routine, or the tone of one sentence at the end of a long day. Most couples never decide to become opponents. It happens so quietly that by the time you notice, you're bracing against each other instead of facing what's actually in front of you together. This is a reminder that everything is easier when you face it together, on the same team. In this first episode of the relaunched Same Team podcast, we're back after a summer away with a new name, a new mission, and a first look at the core mindset at the heart of our upcoming book. We share the hardest season of our marriage, a newborn at home and an investment that turned into 800 hours of work in the Arizona heat, and the line Aaron had to draw on every drive to that property before he ever walked back through our front door. We also get honest about what your kids are quietly learning just by watching the two of you, and we give you two phrases straight from the book that will immediately bring you back together when stress or friction try to pull you apart. 📕Pre-order SAME TEAM and you'll instantly get two guides, the 10-Minute Nightly Check-In and 12 Same Team Phrases to De-Escalate Tension, plus an entry to win an all-expenses-paid couples getaway to Scottsdale, Arizona for every pre-order before January 26: meetthefreemans.com/sameteam 👉Our big dream is to get this book into 100,000 homes by launch. If this episode speaks to you, we would love your help sharing it with the people you love.

There is one single thing that all couples who grow closer over time have in common. Though in the beginning of a relationship, you might not think that anything could get between you, what you realize as time passes is that you will need to fight… When couples start to face challenges, tests, or unforeseen circumstances – they can tend to start to turn on each other. They see each other as opponents rather than teammates. That is when they fight against each other. But this episode is going to introduce a powerful mindset shift. It's the one that has you realize that the fight is not against each other, but against the problem you are facing. Tune into this episode too as we have a big announcement. We had gotten a book deal from Penguin Random House for a brand new book, and it is now available for Pre-order. As a podcast listener you are the first to hear about it. Right now pre-order your copy of "Same Team: How to break cycles, grow closer, and model a loving marriage for your kids" and get: 1) the 10-Minute Nightly Check-in Guide AND 2) Be added to a drawing for an ALL EXPENSE PAID LUXURY TRIP to Arizona.

You're doing a lot. You're handling all your own responsibilities, and sometimes still picking up the slack. You're doing what needs to get done for your family. And yet… something still feels like it's not enough for your partner. Maybe your partner seems distant, less appreciative, or not as connected as you'd expect given how much you're putting in. This is one of the most common frustrations we hear from couples—the disconnect between effort and how that effort is actually received. In this episode, we unpack why doing more doesn't always translate into feeling closer, and what might be missing beneath the surface. If you've ever thought, "I'm doing everything I can… why doesn't it feel like enough?" This conversation will give you a new lens to understand what's really happening in your relationship, and 3 simple actions to take to start shifting it in a way your partner can actually feel. ✨ If you want simple, daily ways to strengthen your connection and bring more emotional and physical closeness into your marriage, join the 30-Day "Best of Us" Couples Challenge. It's designed to help you show up for each other in ways that truly land. Join now at mycoupleschallenge.com/best.