She Was Widowed in Her Twenties. At 52 She Became a First Time Mom Through Donor Eggs and Surrogacy.
Building your familySummary
Shanti, a member of the Building Your Family community, shares her journey of using donor eggs and a surrogate to fulfill her dream of motherhood after facing significant life challenges. After losing her first husband at a young age, Shanti spent her 30s exploring life and relationships, ultimately meeting her current partner, John, in 2019. As she approached her mid-40s, she began to confront the reality of her declining fertility and the possibility of needing third-party reproduction to start a family.
Shanti discusses the emotional complexities of choosing to use donor eggs, including feelings of grief and the pressure of societal expectations. She initially attempted to find a donor on her own but faced setbacks, including a donor who did not pass psychological screening. After a difficult experience with an agency that yielded no viable embryos, she took a break to regroup and educate herself further. Ultimately, she found a suitable donor through a different agency, focusing on the importance of genetic connection and the emotional aspects of the process.
As Shanti navigates her surrogacy journey, she emphasizes the importance of clear communication and emotional readiness. She acknowledges the fears of being an older first-time mother and the complexities of bonding with a child conceived through donor eggs. Shanti encourages others in similar situations to seek support, share their feelings, and approach the journey with openness and care, reminding them that while the path may be challenging, there are many ways to build a family.
Show Notes
Shanti was widowed in her twenties. By the time she was ready to build a family she was 44 — and the path forward looked very different from what she had imagined. In this episode of the Building Your Family podcast, Lisa sits down with Shanti to talk through her journey from grief and uncertainty to becoming a first time mother at 52 through donor eggs and a surrogate. This is one of the most honest and grounded conversations about third party reproduction you will find anywhere. What you will learn in this episode: How being widowed young affected Shanti's family building timeline and how she eventually found her pathWhy donor eggs became the right choice at 44 and what that decision felt like emotionallyWhat she learned after a difficult first donor cycle that resulted in no embryosHow she researched donors more carefully the second time — including AMH, genetics and previous outcomesHow she balanced practical criteria with a personal sense of connection when choosing a donorHow her feelings about surrogacy evolved and what she considered when choosing a surrogateThe legal protections, communication expectations and birth preferences she thought through carefullyHow she created meaning for her future child through a hibiscus flower, a life book and personal detailsWhat she wants to say to anyone who feels stuck or wonders if it is too late If you are facing donor conception, surrogacy or wondering whether your family building path is still possible — Shanti's story will give you something real to hold onto. Resources:Building Your Family Community: familybuilding.netTake the free quiz: familybuilding.net/welcome-quiz Lisa is the founder of The Center for Family Building, author of Building Your Family: The Complete Guide to Donor Conception, and host of the Building Your Family podcast. Your feelings deserve attention. And your decisions deserve clarity. #donoreggs #surrogacy #familybuilding #reproductivetherapist #fertilityafter40 #eggdonation #gestationalcarrier #donorconception #firsttimemom #familybuildingjourney #ivf #fertilityjourney #motherhoodlater #intendedparents #youarenotalone
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