Can Someone Who Lived a Secret Sexual Life for 40 Years Ever be Truly Sober?

(Episode 355) Can betrayal trauma become so severe that it robs a mother of the emotional connection and joy she expected to experience with her own child? In this powerful PBSE episode, we respond to a betrayed partner whose husband has spent more than a decade engaging in pornography addiction, secrecy, and sexual betrayal—including visiting escorts during their efforts to conceive and during pregnancy, and pursuing further sexual acting out after their son was born. Now, with a two-y...

(Episode 354) What happens when someone who has been sober from pornography or sexual addiction for ten years suddenly begins exhibiting the same unhealthy behaviors that once accompanied their addiction? In this episode, we address a heartbreaking submission from a betrayed partner whose husband initially made tremendous strides in recovery—attending and leading support meetings, becoming more loving and emotionally present, and rebuilding connection in their marriage. But after their ...

(Episode 353) A betrayed partner discovered after nearly eleven years of marriage that her husband had maintained a secret pornography addiction for more than twenty-five years. What makes the betrayal especially devastating is that he knew from the beginning that pornography violated her deeply held values and that, had she known the truth while they were dating, she would not have married him. She is therefore grieving far more than his pornography use. She is grieving the marriage sh...

(Episode 352) A betrayed partner wrote to us because, although her addict partner has recently become more proactive in recovery, she worries that her mother and friends now see her as weak, naive, or stupid for staying. Her mother previously left an addicted husband and later built a stable relationship, while her friends have traditionally held a strong “if he treats you badly, leave” position. That history creates enormous pressure, but another person’s path doesn't have to become he...

(Episode 351) A betrayed partner wrote to us about her husband’s roughly 33-year history of hidden lust addiction and a specific sexual fixation involving women’s bodies that remained secret throughout their 15-year relationship. Since D-Day about five months ago, he has thrown himself into recovery—attending meetings, working with a sponsor and therapist, completing disclosure, doing daily check-ins, eliminating old acting-out outlets, and practicing “custody of the eyes.” Yet what tro...