Conversations with Dr. Jennifer

When Good Women Stop Being Nice

Conversations with Dr. Jennifer

Show Notes

Many of us learned early on that being good meant following the rules, keeping everyone happy, and never causing discomfort. So maybe you find yourself saying yes when really, you mean no. Perhaps you agree to host the family gathering, even when you’re already overwhelmed, or give in to your teenager’s demands because you don't want to deal with the fallout of their anger.

In this NEW episode, Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife joins Jody Moore of the Better Than Happy Podcast to explore the crucial difference between compliance and true goodness. They discuss the difference between being kind and being compliant, why prioritizing other people’s comfort over your own integrity is harmful, and what your resentments can teach you about yourself and the way you show up in relationships.

If you found this episode helpful JOIN US for the Sexuality and Selfhood Workshop in Alpine, UT!

More from Conversations with Dr. Jennifer

Oct 20, 2026

Sexual fantasy makes many of us anxious, because it often taps into darker aspects of ourselves we don’t always understand, let alone want to disclose. Hearing our partner’s fantasies can be just as unsettling, especially if we assume that they want us to go along with what they share.

Oct 13, 2026

**SAVE $200 on our upcoming workshops and retreats (use code JFF200)** An intimate marriage asks us to let our spouse see all of us, not just the good parts. It takes a willingness to be known and the courage to know our spouse as they actually are. It’s not for the faint of heart, but it’s what’s required to create an honest, soulful connection with our partner.

Sep 29, 2026

No one hopes for a marital crisis. But it's not uncommon for couples who emerge from one to look back and see it as the catalyst for a more mature, more alive partnership. Adversity and disappointment pressure us to face what's true, and while that rarely feels good, it's what allows us to become more solid, more knowable, and more capable of real intimacy.

Sep 22, 2026

Pornography brings up a lot of feelings on both sides, and most of that charge comes from the meanings we attach to it, not the behavior itself. Much of this tension is the result of a culture that taught many of us to treat sexuality with fear rather than understanding. That fear tends to show up as shame, and shame doesn't make porn use go away, it just makes it harder to face honestly, ultimately fueling more anxiety, rigidity, and compulsivity.

Sep 16, 2026

Past trauma doesn't just stay in the past. It can show up in our relationship in unexpected, inconvenient, and disheartening ways. Desire can disappear without warning. Old distress can resurface years after we thought we'd made peace with it. Our instinct is often to judge ourselves for the ways that our past trauma impacts us, but judgment only pushes desire further away. Understanding does the opposite. It gives us something to work with instead of something to fight.

See all episodes →