Setting Healthy Boundaries with Your Teens and Tweens with Dr. John Townsend

If you've listened before, you'll notice something different about today's episode. Over the past four months, I've been doing a radio segment called Mental Health Monday for Magic 104.1 in Oklahoma City. We've covered a wide range of topics from how empathic listening can help our kids manage anxiety to setting healthy boundaries with our kids while we work from home. You can text any questions you'd like me to answer in upcoming segments to 405-460-5104! Topics we cover: 🧠 (1:14) How can I know if my child is mentally healthy? What can we as parents do to help raise mentally healthy kids? 👂 (6:05) What is empathetic listening and how can it help my child's anxiety? 📚 (10:17) How can parents support a child who's struggling in school? 📱 (14:16) How much screen time is too much screen time? How can I help my kids use screens responsibly? 💔 (17:28) How can I help manage my child's loneliness when they're spending time home alone over the summer? 😱 (21:14) How do I keep my sanity when I'm working from home with kids in the house? 👭 (24:53) How do we know our kids are socializing enough? 🎮 (27:33) Is my child spending too much time in their room? 🎒 (31:26) How can I help my child process their back-to-school anxiety? Follow My Magic Morning Show: website | Instagram | Facebook

Most of us don't love change, but for our teens, times of transition can be especially stressful and lead to anxiety and depression. But don't lose hope, parents! In this episode, I'm excited to share my conversation with author Jennifer Dukes Lee and her daughter, Anna about how their journey through Anna's depression and chronic illness has actually made them closer and their faith stronger. We also discuss when to offer help, when to stick it out and when to move on, and Anna shares some practical things that have helped her process her emotions in a healthy way. Key points from our conversation: ❓ Teens have the biggest struggles during times of transition because of the uncertainty it brings. It's common to run through "what-if" worst-case scenarios. They can reframe that thinking by remembering that things could be good and even if not, they're resilient enough to bounce back. 💭 It's hard to ask for help, especially if you're a teen. But as a parent, if you notice flat emotions, disinterest in things your child used to enjoy, or lethargy, offer them the option to seek counseling. They may not have the energy to get help then, but it can assist them in beginning to think about how they plan to manage difficulties in their life. 🤝 It's important to have a support system in place. We're not meant to go it alone. We need community. 🎢 Getting better is not a linear process. Emotions are rollercoasters; they come in waves. There is not just one area of treatment to address. We must address the whole – mind, body, spirit, and environment. ✨ It can be difficult to know when to stick out a hard situation to build resilience and when to withdraw from an environment. If something is consuming your teen's identity, consider making a change. Our kids need to be in a place they feel safe. We must consider what is best for our child in this season of their life. ☀️ A few practical things Anna has done that have helped are exercise, getting sunlight, reading the Bible, journaling, taking her medication, and surrounding herself with a supportive community. Name the emotion you feel, identify where you feel it in your body, and choose a movement to let it go. If we don't process through emotions, they will loop and become more exaggerated. 💕 If your teen is struggling with depression, don't lose hope. Jennifer and Anna are closer now than ever because they've experienced the struggle together and learned to trust God. Resources mentioned: Growing Slow: Lessons on Un-Hurrying Your Heart from an Accidental Farm Girl Follow Jennifer: website | Instagram | Facebook Follow Anna: website | Seed Apparel Instagram | personal Instagram

The best way to teach our children healthy behaviors is by modeling them, but as parents, we often find ourselves too busy to exercise, eat healthy meals, or get enough sleep. In the second half of my chat with licensed professional counselor and author Debra Fileta, we discuss how faulty perceptions affect our decision-making, why seeking professional help for mental health is taboo in the Christian church, how our emotional health is linked to our physical health, and some practical ways to develop good sleep hygiene. Key points from our conversation: 🧠What you think impacts how you feel, which impacts what you do. When talking about mental and emotional health, we always want to start by addressing a thought process. 🚫Cognitive distortion is a faulty way of thinking that affects our decision-making. Examples include an all-or-nothing mentality, mindreading (assuming you know what another person is thinking), and catastrophizing. 🕒 It's important to stay in the present instead of focusing on what happened in the past or what may happen in the future. ✝️ Often Christians are afraid to admit they need help because they believe it indicates a deficit of faith. Struggling with mental health does not reflect a character issue, it reflects a chemical issue. 🙁 It's important to help our children process through the hard stuff. Trauma doesn't have to be abuse or abandonment, it can be grief or disappointment. We often try to ignore trauma and hope time will heal, but things can get worse if not addressed. 🏃‍♀️ Your physical health is linked to your emotional health. We need to be intentional about regular physical activity, balanced nutrition, and adequate sleep and model it for our children. If you notice a pattern of disrupted sleep or a change in appetite, energy levels, or ability to concentrate, it could be a sign of a deeper issue. 💤 Some practical ways to develop good sleep hygiene include limiting screen time, aroma therapy, drinking something warm, limiting caffeine intake, and keeping similar waking and bedtime hours. Resources mentioned: Are You Really OK?: Getting Real About Who You Are, How You're Doing, and Why It Matters More Than Moody: Recognizing and Treating Adolescent Depression Follow Debra: website | Instagram | Facebook | podcast

I want to ask you a simple, but hard question - "Are you really okay?" In this episode with licensed professional counselor and author Debra Fileta, we're focusing on how we as parents can do the hard work of building emotional awareness within ourselves so we can normalize talking about emotions within our homes. Debra also shares how our view of God, others, and self affects our spiritual health and offers a practical exercise you can do with your child to help them explore their emotions and create healthy conversations. Key points from our conversation: 🩹 Healthy people make healthy relationships. So much of what we learn is modeled, so one of the best things was can do is take care of ourselves. 🌋 It's crucial that we build emotional awareness. If we don't release the emotions building under the surface in healthy ways, they will show up in an emotional outburst. 🎨 To help your child unpack their emotions, try the "feeling in my body" activity. Have the child draw an outline of their body and have them color it using different colors to show emotions in the body. The magic of the exercise is in the conversation it creates. It normalizes that it's good and normal to talk about emotions. ❓ There are over 500 different emotions. Asking questions expands your child's emotional vocabulary and helps them discover what they're feeling and why. ✨ Emotions are real, but they are not always true. What makes emotions right or wrong is not feeling them, but what we do with that feeling. Emotional control means lining up what you feel with God's truth. ✝️ Our view of God, others, and self are a big indicator of spiritual health because we often transfer our hurts to what we think about God. We must know what we truly believe about God. If we believe the wrong things, then our actions are rooted in the wrong things. The why is crucial. ❤️ What you believe about yourself determines the kind of relationship you believe you deserve. Resources mentioned: Are You Really OK?: Getting Real About Who You Are, How You're Doing, and Why It Matters Printable feeling wheel The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma

In our last episode with Marriage & Family Therapist Ann Taylor McNiece we talked about how we can engage in healthy discussion and avoid conflict that destroys. In the second part of our conversation, we're discussing how we can repair the damage that's already been caused, specifically in our family relationships. Key points from our conversation: 🩹 What you consider a repair may not be what the other person considers a repair, but your repair attempts count. 👂 Own any part of the problem you can gets your partner out of the attack cycle. Try reflective listening - reflect what you hear the person say, ask if you heard them right, own what you can. 💍 69% of problems are going to be unsolvable because they have to do with personality and preference. You can have a very happy marriage on the 31% you can work out. 💕 We are called to love and give sometimes more than we receive. You either have rejected the person or you've accepted that in your commitment, this isn't a deal breaker. It's not a character issue, it's a preference. It's not abuse, addiction, or adultery. 🙏 Being intentional about reflecting on what your grateful for about your spouse will create a more positive perspective in your marriage. This can be extremely difficult if you're experiencing depression. 🤝 Counseling isn't an effort to "fix" someone, it's to find out how you can work better together. 🥪 Practice using the sandwich method - give a compliment, submit your request, follow it with the positive it will bring. 🧠 If you want to raise a mentally healthy kid, focus on your mental health first. Resources Mentioned: Gottman Bible Guide