198: How to Stop Wasting Time on Dating Apps: The Burned Haystack Method for Finding Healthy Love with Dr. Jennie Young & Bela Gandhi

What if the biggest relationship you need to repair is the one you have with yourself? On this episode of the Smart Dating Academy Podcast, Bela Gandhi sits down with relationship coach Trevor Hanson to unpack anxious attachment, fear of abandonment, self-abandonment, trust issues, and what it really takes to create secure, healthy relationships. Trevor shares his personal journey from working at Tesla and staying in a toxic relationship to becoming a coach who helps people move from anxious attachment toward security. You’ll learn: • Why knowing your patterns intellectually isn't always enough to change them • What "emotionally corrective experiences" are and why they matter • How fear of abandonment can cause you to abandon yourself • Why people-pleasing, over-giving, and putting up walls can all keep you stuck • How to build self-trust after heartbreak or betrayal • Why boundaries begin with the boundaries you have with yourself • A simple daily question that can help you show up for yourself • Bela's memorable "Swiss cheese vs. American cheese" metaphor for dating confidence If you're dating after divorce, trying to find love again, struggling with emotional availability, or simply ready to build healthier relationships, this conversation will give you a fresh perspective on where real change begins. 👉 Apply to work with our dating coaches: https://www.smartdatingacademy.com/contact

What if the biggest obstacle to finding love isn't your dating app, your age, or your relationship history, but your nervous system? In this fascinating conversation, Bela Gandhi sits down with nervous system educator and physiotherapist Jessica Maguire to uncover how your body's stress response influences attraction, dating anxiety, emotional availability, and relationship success. If you've ever overthought a text message, felt instant chemistry with the wrong person, or struggled to trust your instincts while dating, this episode will help you understand why. You'll learn why emotional safety is the foundation of healthy relationships, how to recognize when your nervous system is driving your decisions, and practical ways to become calmer, more confident, and more intentional in love. Whether you're dating after divorce, getting back out there, or simply ready to build a healthier relationship, this episode is full of practical insights that can change the way you date. In this episode you'll learn: • Why dating anxiety starts in the nervous system • The difference between chemistry and emotional safety • How childhood experiences shape adult relationships • Why emotional regulation leads to better dating decisions • How to stop asking, "Do they like me?" and start asking, "Do I like them?" Ready to create the healthy relationship you deserve? Apply to work with the Smart Dating Academy coaching team: https://www.smartdatingacademy.com/contact

You know what to do in dating. So why is it still so hard to do it? In this powerful conversation, Bela Gandhi sits down with nervous system coach Masha Kay to explore why so many successful people stay stuck in familiar dating patterns, even when they know better. If you've ever wondered why you keep attracting emotionally unavailable partners, struggle with dating anxiety, or can't seem to find healthy relationships despite doing all the "right" things, this episode is for you. You'll learn: • Why your nervous system influences every dating decision • Why awareness alone doesn't create lasting change • How emotional safety changes who you're attracted to • Practical ways to stop repeating unhealthy relationship patterns Whether you're dating after divorce, looking to find love again, or simply ready for healthier relationships, this conversation offers hope, clarity, and actionable insights. Apply to work with Smart Dating Academy: https://www.smartdatingacademy.com/contact

Chemistry feels exciting. Compatibility creates lasting love.

What if the secret to finding love isn’t becoming more impressive, but becoming more you? In this episode, I sit down with Claude Silver, Chief Heart Officer of VaynerX, to talk about authenticity, emotional intelligence, and self-worth in dating. We explore how the way you show up at work mirrors how you show up in love, and why being your real self is the key to finding a healthy, lasting relationship. If you’re dating after divorce, rebuilding confidence, or ready to find love again without settling, this episode is for you. Apply to work with our dating coaches: https://www.smartdatingacademy.com/contact