Show Notes
In this powerful episode, Chris and Max sit down with their friend Dean, who shares an unfiltered look at addiction, recovery, and the emotional struggles that don’t magically disappear with sobriety. Nearly nine years clean, Dean explains how his addiction didn’t vanish — it shifted. His intense dedication to the gym and his physique became a new outlet, a kind of “armor,” masking deep self-hatred, body image issues, and a lifelong discomfort in his own skin. Despite looking disciplined and put-together on the outside, he reveals he has never truly liked himself and still feels lost internally. Dean traces these feelings back to childhood, describing a loving but emotionally limited upbringing where he constantly sought validation, especially from his father. That need to be liked and approved of carried into adulthood and fed into his cocaine use, which he says calmed his mind, made him feel normal, and gave him a sense of belonging. What started as social use turned into a 20-year addiction marked by functioning on the outside while feeling powerless within. A defining trauma came when Dean found his father after he died by suicide at a job they were working on together — an event that still haunts him and intensified his using, alongside deep guilt about not being present for his family during that time. After losing his business, stability, and sense of self, Dean reached breaking point and was taken to his first meeting through an intervention. Though frightened and disconnected at first, he has remained clean ever since, something he is proud of. But he’s clear that recovery hasn’t been a fairytale: he still battles self-obsession, emotional overwhelm, relationship pain, and the lasting impact his addiction had on his children, especially his eldest son who once saw him as a hero. He admits he’s less connected to meetings and fellowship than he once was and feels the difference, warning others not to follow his example of only “dipping a toe in.” The episode is a raw reminder that being clean and being emotionally well aren’t the same — and that honesty, connection, and helping others remain vital parts of the ongoing work of recovery.
More from Addicted to Recovery
We’re back. After nearly four months away, we’re finally back behind the microphones — and there’s a lot to catch up on. In this episode, we talk honestly about what’s been happening in both of our lives over the summer and why taking a break from the podcast was something we both needed. A big part of the conversation is Chris opening up about his relapse after almost five years clean. We talk through what led up to it, the warning signs that are much easier to see looking back, how his recovery programme had slowly slipped, and the dangerous thinking that followed when using again didn’t immediately send his life into chaos. We also talk about Max’s experience over the last few months. Life on the outside is good — family, work and plenty to be grateful for — but internally, that familiar feeling of discomfort had started creeping back in. We discuss our shared tendency to look for external things to change how we feel internally, and what happens when we stop doing the things that keep us grounded. It leads us into a really honest conversation about ego, complacency, perfection, family, sponsorship, meetings, Step 10, connection and the importance of continuing to work a programme even when life is going well. We also share what’s been happening in our lives away from recovery — weddings, family, work, new opportunities and everything else that’s happened during our time away. Finally, we explain what the future looks like for Addicted to Recovery. We’re changing things up, taking the pressure off and returning once a month, allowing us to focus on the conversations and guests that made us fall in love with doing the podcast in the first place. It feels good to be back. Max & Chris Addicted to Recovery
In this powerful episode of Addicted to Recovery, Max and Chris sit down with Gab — a former talent manager whose gambling addiction spiralled into a devastating double life involving secret debts, celebrity clients, court cases, and eventually prison. Gab opens up about the hidden reality of compulsive gambling, from the early warning signs as a child to chasing losses through the night, gambling away hundreds of thousands of pounds, and living in complete mental torment while trying to maintain the appearance of success. He shares how addiction became his escape, his comfort, and ultimately the thing that nearly destroyed everything. The conversation dives deep into: The similarities between gambling addiction and substance addiction Living with secrecy, shame, and obsession The emotional toll of chasing losses How recovery began through honesty and therapy The reality of prison after addiction-fuelled fraud charges Why addiction is so often misunderstood by society Alongside Gab’s story, the hosts also announce an important new chapter for the podcast as Addicted to Recovery moves into a seasonal format to prioritise balance, recovery, and sustainability moving forward. A raw, honest, and deeply insightful episode about addiction, consequences, recovery, and hop
In this honest and deeply relatable episode of Addicted to Recovery, the boys sit down with returning guest Chris to explore what recovery really looks like beyond the meetings. Two years on, Chris opens up about life with a growing family, the daily challenge of applying recovery principles at home, and the constant tug-of-war between selflessness and self-centered thinking. From isolation and intrusive thoughts to relationships, parenting, and the struggle for presence, this conversation gets real about the messy middle of recovery. Together, they unpack: Why family often gets a “different version” of us than the outside world The role of fear, control, and emotional sensitivity in addiction Intrusive thoughts, escapism, and the addict’s tendency to catastrophize The importance of service, presence, and small daily actions How recovery evolves over time through experience, not perfection With humour, vulnerability, and brutal honesty, this episode shines a light on the internal battles that don’t disappear when the substances do—and the tools that help navigate them. If you’ve ever struggled with being present, battled your own thoughts, or wondered why you react the way you do, this one will hit home. 🎧 Listen now and join the conversation.
In this powerful episode of Addicted To Recovery, the hosts sit down with Greg, a close friend and recovering addict, to explore his journey through addiction, trauma, and long-term recovery. Greg shares how a devastating accident—shattering his heel after a fall—became a turning point in his life. With over a dozen surgeries, chronic pain, and uncertainty about his future, he was forced to slow down and fully commit to recovery. What could have been a breaking point instead became a foundation for growth, resilience, and spiritual connection. The conversation dives deep into: Navigating recovery through physical pain and injury The mental battle of uncertainty and fear Managing prescribed medication in recovery Building integrity, trust, and self-awareness The realities of long-term sobriety (not perfection, but progress) Finding purpose, peace, and connection in everyday life Greg also reflects on major life milestones in recovery, including marriage, fatherhood, and rebuilding relationships—proving that transformation is possible with commitment and support. This episode is an honest, raw, and inspiring look at what it truly means to stay clean, face life head-on, and grow into a better version of yourself.
In this powerful episode of Addicted to Recovery, the hosts sit down with John, who returns two years after his first appearance to share what’s changed—and it’s nothing short of remarkable. Now nearly four years clean, John opens up about rebuilding his life from the ground up: becoming a full-time father, working in drug and alcohol services, and even being invited to Buckingham Palace for his contributions to the recovery community. The conversation dives deep into: Life in recovery and the reality of “life on life’s terms” Overcoming grief after losing his son and finally finding acceptance The challenges of parenting, relationships, and responsibility in sobriety Letting go of old behaviours like ego, anger, and pride The power of the 12-step program, service, and spirituality John’s story is raw, honest, and ultimately hopeful—a testament to what’s possible when someone fully surrenders and commits to change. “From crack house to Buckingham Palace in four years.” If you’re struggling, in recovery, or supporting someone who is—this episode is a must-listen.