347 — The One Question That Will Tell You Whether Your Go-To Coping Skill Is Actually Helping You With Dr. Celeste Birkhofer
Mentally Stronger with Therapist Amy MorinShow Notes
When something goes wrong in your day—bad news, a disagreement with a loved one, or a tough rejection—what do you actually reach for to cope?
Most of us have one move. We drink, we scroll, we run, we clean, we call someone. And it probably works—which is why we keep doing it.
But my guest today says that's where the trouble starts. Every coping strategy you have began as your best attempt at getting a need met. And when you only have one move, even a good one can turn into something that no longer serves you.
My guest is Dr. Celeste Birkhofer, a licensed clinical psychologist and adjunct clinical faculty at Stanford Medical School's Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences. Her new book is Beyond Quick Fixes.
Some of the things we discuss are:
Why your one go-to coping skill probably started as a solution — and how to tell when it's crossed into something that's costing you
The difference between a quick fix that helps you (like slow breathing when your heart is pounding) and one that's harming you
Why some of your greatest strengths—being driven, being independent, being agreeable—might also be the things holding you back
The two ingredients every real change requires (and why insight alone almost never gets you there)
Dr. Birkhofer's story of using food to cope in college — and how she traced it back to what she learned about handling emotions as a kid
The writing exercise that helps you connect the dots between your childhood and your current patterns without shame
The three parts of yourself and why one of them needs to be in the driver's seat
Why the people closest to you sometimes push back when you try to change and how to tell if they're drawing out your best or keeping you stuck
The Therapist's Take: My top three strategies for building coping skills that actually work
Related Episodes
330 — The Real Reason Your Coping Skills Aren't Helping (It's Not You)
332 — Should You Sit With Your Feelings or Change How You Feel? The One Question That Decides It
Links & Resources
Beyond Quick Fixes
Connect with the Show
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