228. When You Can’t Stop Worrying What People Think of You

In this episode, Alissa gets into what it’s like to be the one who holds it all together. Your always the listener and the bigger person for everyone else. She names the anger, the resentment, and the physical toll of keeping yourself small, and offers a way out that starts with what you can actually take ownership of. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why being the one who always holds it together isn't good for you or your health What good girl conditioning is and how it teaches you to keep your needs small What you may be gaining from an unhealthy dynamic, including safety, approval, and avoiding conflict How accepting someone’s limitations gives you information for reimagining the relationship, not an excuse for how they treat you Why a boundary that gets ignored hasn’t failed, and what holding it again looks like How to stay rooted when the second guessing and pushback show up Why creating opportunities to be vulnerable is part of finally feeling heard

In this episode, Alissa sits down with Jeminee Ternus, author of You Are a Match for Your Mountain and fellow mom to a daughter with type 1 diabetes, to talk about what it means to meet a hard diagnosis with acceptance instead of a fight. When life hands you a mountain you never asked for, it can feel like betrayal. This conversation offers a gentler way through, one where grief and gratitude get to sit at the same table. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why the number on a glucose monitor is information about a body and not a grade on your mothering What it feels like when life splits into a clear before and after, and how grief and trust in the bigger plan can live side by side How shifting from fighting a diagnosis to fighting with it turned chaos into a more peaceful way of living Why the fun mom and the health mom turned out to be two parts of the same person How a highly sensitive mom can feel her own grief without letting it land on her child Why allowing the people you love the dignity of their own experience is its own form of love

In this episode, Alissa welcomes April Snow back to the podcast to celebrate her new book, Big Feelings, Big Joy, and to talk about why having everyday language for being highly sensitive makes it something you can own instead of explain away. Sensitive people are often told they're fragile. April and Alissa share the research and the lived experience that say otherwise. Alissa and April trade personal stories, from feeling different as kids to writing books during some of the hardest seasons of their lives, along with the small daily practices that keep them steady. Sensitivity isn't fragility, it's the capacity to feel the hard and the good at full volume and grow stronger from both. In this episode, you'll learn: What April's signature acronym, ORCHID, stands for Why differential susceptibility is an HSPs greatest gift. How a nervous system that moves in and out of different states is healthy, and why stretching toward what's meaningful expands your capacity What tiny pockets of transition time and fewer daily decisions can do for your overwhelm How savoring good moments became a life raft in April's childhood and still carries her through hard seasons Why joy and grief can be held at the same time, and how connecting to something bigger than yourself makes that possible

In this episode, Alissa gets into what happens when a rejection lands from someone you admire and why choosing to see yourself as an equal, instead of putting them on a pedestal, is the first step toward becoming a match for what you desire. She shares what she's been noticing in her own season of rejection while her publisher sends her book out for endorsements, plus a look back at her early corporate retail days, when intimidating colleagues made her feel small. When you develop your self-worth, you stop waiting for external permission, and instead start to create the life you want from your own belief in the inevitability of your success. In this episode, you'll learn: Why a "no" from someone you admire can feel like proof you're not good enough, and how to catch that story before you agree with it How putting someone on a pedestal quietly distances you from the very reality you want for yourself What it looks like to meet a rejection with curiosity and self-belief instead of treating it as a verdict on your worth Why carrying yourself as an equal is a choice you can make before you have any accolades to stand on How the deeper work of building self-worth makes that choice easier to access when the moment actually arrives How highly sensitive people can be deeply attuned and kind while still holding rock solid boundaries in rooms that feel intimidating

In this episode, Alissa gets into what it really means to get out of your own way. She talks about a habit so many highly sensitive people fall into without realizing it, which is scanning everyone else's moods to feel okay. So much of the checking and managing is really an attempt to get someone else to respond in a way that settles your own nerves. Alissa names where that pattern comes from and what it takes to stop outsourcing your sense of safety to the people around you. In this episode, you'll learn: Why the constant checking is often more about easing your own anxiety How your natural attunement can tip into hyper-vigilance when you're anxious in a relationship What cleaning up your side of the street looks like when you're caught in a dynamic you don't love Why getting out of your own way frees you to focus on the message you came to share instead of how you're coming across How showing up anyway, even when you might be judged, slowly desensitizes you to the fear of being disliked Why sourcing your worth from within means an awkward moment costs you about thirty seconds instead of three days