From Stuck to Unstuck: Healing the Long Shadow of Betrayal and Infidelity with Dr. Debi Silber on Divorce & Beyond #412

What if your divorce turned out to be one of the best things that ever happened to you? If you are in the middle of one right now, that probably sounds completely ridiculous, maybe even a little offensive. But after more than 35 years of helping people navigate divorce, Susan Guthrie has heard the same remarkable words again and again from people on the other side, in their beyond: “I only wish I’d done it sooner.” Susan welcomes Sharon Oberst DeFala, a family law attorney, mediator, holistic divorce professional, and Reiki master, who brings together two worlds you might not expect to find in the same conversation. Known as the divorce attorney with a heart, Sharon believes divorce is about much more than dividing assets, negotiating settlements, and signing legal documents. It is also about preserving relationships where possible, caring for your emotional well-being, and making intentional decisions that support the life you want to live after divorce. She goes even further than that in her new book, Love Your Divorce: Your Guide to a Holistic, Happier Ever After. This conversation challenges one of the biggest assumptions people make about divorce: that it is a failure, a tragedy, or something you simply have to endure until you can get on with your life. What if the way you go through your divorce is just as important as the outcome? And what if, instead of focusing on everything you are losing, you could begin to see everything you might gain? For anyone facing divorce, this one may change the way you see it. Guided Meditation from Sharon: https://youtube.com/@LoveYourDivorce Get this week's FREE RESOURCE: Is It Worth the Fight? The Divorce Decision Filter https://divorceandbeyondpod.com/latest-episode

Walking into a courtroom for a divorce rarely ends in justice. The most likely outcome is a continuance. People take the day off from work, pay their attorney a good sum of money, and watch the judge kick the can down the road, walking out with nothing resolved. Now picture the opposite: one skilled, neutral person at the helm of the entire divorce, guiding both spouses through the divorce process step by step until every last piece is finished. Susan Guthrie welcomes Paula Lawhon, a certified family law specialist and full-time divorce mediator in northern California who has spent more than two decades helping families reach agreements without turning their lives into a war. Paula started as a litigator and realized in a courthouse hallway that there had to be a better way, then built her entire practice around finding it. She is the author of Effectively Steering the Ship, a new book from the American Bar Association that offers a blueprint for a divorce built around resolution instead of conflict, with one neutral person steering the whole process at a pace that fits your life and no surprises waiting after the papers are signed. This conversation explores what a divorce looks like when it is actually managed well, why so many divorces stall out and cost far more than they should, and the one thing anyone can ask their own mediator for that could change the entire experience. For anyone facing divorce, and the professionals guiding families through it, this one changes what you think is possible.What You'll Hear:

What would you say if I told you there is a way to choose the judge for your divorce, and skip the courtroom, entirely? The answer might surprise you. It's arbitration. In almost six years of Divorce and Beyond, arbitration has never been part of the conversation, until now. Susan Guthrie welcomes family law attorney Amanda Mason, co-founder and CEO of Solagree, a virtual flat-fee divorce process that puts expert financial and parenting guidance and mediation first, with private arbitration as the backdrop, so nobody gets stuck and nobody ends up in court. Amanda built Solagree after going through her own divorce, including a full custody trial in the same courthouse where she had practiced for years. She knows the system from both sides of the counsel table and has decided families deserve something better. This conversation explores why delay and fear fuel conflict, why functioning is not the same as healing, and how closing the exits keeps both spouses committed to reaching resolution. For anyone going through a divorce, and the professionals helping families restructure through it, this one changes what you think your options are. Together, Susan and Amanda break down how arbitration cuts the delay that fuels conflict, why it is not litigation light, and how agreeing up front that an arbitrator will decide whatever you can't settle closes the exits so no one can walk away or drag it out forever. For anyone going through a divorce, and the professionals helping families restructure through it, this one changes what you think your options are.What You'll Hear:

The end of a marriage does not mean the end of who you are. It can be the blank canvas that opens the door to becoming the person you were always meant to be, and there is no better place to close out a season than in that joyful, wide-open work of reinvention. Susan Guthrie welcomes back stylist, dating expert, and author Alyssa Dineen, who rebuilt her own life after divorce and now helps others do the same from the outside in. This conversation, one of the most loved in the show's archive, breaks down what she calls "divorce as the mother of reinvention." From the closet cleanse that clears out clothes that no longer feel like home, to practicing self-kindness in the small moments, to getting real about online dating profiles and photos, this episode is a guide for reinventing yourself from the inside out. What You'll Hear:

Betrayal is one of the deepest wounds divorce can carry. As part of her summer series on rebuilding after divorce, Susan Guthrie, family law attorney and mediator, turns her attention to healing itself, sitting down with Dr. Debi Silber, founder of the PBT (Post-Betrayal Transformation) Institute. Whether it's a loved one, a friend, a colleague, or someone entirely unexpected, betrayal reaches into nearly every part of life and can be hard to move beyond, sometimes for years. Dr. Silber has spent her career studying exactly that, building a program that guides people through the five stages of betrayal toward a new foundation and a new worldview. Together, she and Susan unpack why betrayal cuts so deep, walking through those stages and the reasons so many people stay stuck in the process without realizing it. As Dr. Silber puts it, "the best revenge is a life well lived." Wherever someone is in their own healing, this conversation offers a clear next step toward it. What You'll Learn