Show Notes
LABOR DAY SALE - BOGO 50% OFF Full-Length Courses Strong marriages require two partners who are willing to tolerate discomfort in order to increase their capacity for real intimacy.
Leaning into the discomfort that comes from being exposed and known sexually can be particularly dysregulating. It takes a lot of courage to take ownership of who you are and what you desire and then to share that most intimate part of yourself with your spouse.
Today we are re-releasing this popular podcast from the archive. In it, Dr. Finlayson-Fife joins Dr. Corey Allan of the Sexy Marriage Radio Podcast to discuss duty sex and what couples can do to bring more desire, passion, and aliveness to their intimate relationship.
Listen to the full episode to learn more about:
Spontaneous Desire vs Responsive Desire
Escaping exposure and responsibility through resentment
Limiting narratives around sexuality that keep couples from growth
Modesty as a form of self-respect
More from Conversations with Dr. Jennifer
Sexual fantasy makes many of us anxious, because it often taps into darker aspects of ourselves we don’t always understand, let alone want to disclose. Hearing our partner’s fantasies can be just as unsettling, especially if we assume that they want us to go along with what they share.
**SAVE $200 on our upcoming workshops and retreats (use code JFF200)** An intimate marriage asks us to let our spouse see all of us, not just the good parts. It takes a willingness to be known and the courage to know our spouse as they actually are. It’s not for the faint of heart, but it’s what’s required to create an honest, soulful connection with our partner.
No one hopes for a marital crisis. But it's not uncommon for couples who emerge from one to look back and see it as the catalyst for a more mature, more alive partnership. Adversity and disappointment pressure us to face what's true, and while that rarely feels good, it's what allows us to become more solid, more knowable, and more capable of real intimacy.
Pornography brings up a lot of feelings on both sides, and most of that charge comes from the meanings we attach to it, not the behavior itself. Much of this tension is the result of a culture that taught many of us to treat sexuality with fear rather than understanding. That fear tends to show up as shame, and shame doesn't make porn use go away, it just makes it harder to face honestly, ultimately fueling more anxiety, rigidity, and compulsivity.
Past trauma doesn't just stay in the past. It can show up in our relationship in unexpected, inconvenient, and disheartening ways. Desire can disappear without warning. Old distress can resurface years after we thought we'd made peace with it. Our instinct is often to judge ourselves for the ways that our past trauma impacts us, but judgment only pushes desire further away. Understanding does the opposite. It gives us something to work with instead of something to fight.