Flying Free

Understanding Coercive Control and the Harms Inflicted on to Adult and Child Victims [350]

Flying Free

Show Notes

“He doesn’t hit you, so it must not be abuse.” Yeah, no. That tired old line needs to die.

This week, I sat down with Dr. Christine Cocchiola, a powerhouse expert on coercive control, the kind of abuse that doesn’t leave bruises but instead, destroys lives. Christine breaks down how abusers don't need fists to dominate; they weaponize EVERYTHING from the court system, to churches, to your very own kids.

If you’ve ever been dismissed, disbelieved, or labeled “too angry,” this episode is a masterclass in seeing the invisible, calling it what it is, and taking your power back, even if you have to fake it ‘til you make it from the ICU of your life.

What You’ll Learn: Why coercive control isn’t a form of abuse, it IS abuse. Period. Full stop. How abusers hide behind charisma, charm, and a well-timed Bible verse. The horrifying way the legal system often rewards abusers and punishes protective moms. How abuse affects children, even when it’s subtle, and especially when it’s court-sanctioned. Why your anger is holy fire, not a character defect. How to start healing and parenting differently, even while walking through hell with a diaper bag. Read the full show notes and/or ask Natalie a question here Related Resources: Check out Dr. Christine Cocchiola’s website. Connect with her on Instagram and Facebook. Read FRAMED: Women in the Family Court Underworld, Dr. Cocchiola’s co-authored book. Get her free map called Clinical Implications for Children Who Are Coercively Controlled Watch her recent TED Talk: It’s All Coercive Control Christine M. Cocchiola, DSW, LCSW is an expert on the experiences of adult and child victims of coercive control. A college professor teaching social work, she received her doctorate in clinical social work from New York University working under the tutelage of Dr. Evan Stark. She presents nationally and internationally on the concept of coercive control with a focus on educating professionals, advocates, and protective parents, on the experiences of children and best intervention strategies for adult and child victims of coercive control/narcissistic abuse. Her Clinician Certification Training is ASWB approved for 14 CE’s. Dr. C is the creator of The Protective Parenting Program, a therapeutic evidence based attachment focused program for parents of children harmed by abusers and the co-author of FRAMED: Women in the Family Court Underworld.

More from Flying Free

Oct 20, 2026

My pastors told me that what I was experiencing for over two decades wasn’t serious enough to be called “abuse.” They said I had to be physically hurt for it to cross the line of “hard marriage” to “abusive marriage.” Their beliefs kept me spinning in a turmoil so great that I thought a lot about ending my life.

Oct 13, 2026

Today we welcome back Arizona family law attorney Wendy Hernandez to celebrate the release of her brand new book, Legally Ending Love, and to walk us through exactly what every woman needs to know before they file for divorce.

Oct 6, 2026

Today I’m going to tell you about the last of the three books I picked as the most life-changing for me so far. I was nervous to write this episode because the book is controversial in some circles, and even I was afraid to read it many years ago. I expected to confront all kinds of lies and heresies (this is what I was taught at my church!)

Sep 29, 2026

This is the second in a 3-part series where I’m sharing the top three books that have changed my life. Last week I talked about the book A Failure of Nerve by Edwin Friedman. This week I will talk about Altogether You by Jenna Remiersma. And next week…well, you’ll have to come back then to hear me talk about a VERY controversial book in conservative Christian circles, but WOW did it absolutely do a number on my chronic fear, shame, and anger. But for now - let’s dive into a book that helped me make sense of the contradictory thoughts I struggled with every single day. “I can totally do this!” “I could NEVER DO THAT!”

Sep 22, 2026

A lot of people got mad at me when I started to change over ten years ago. They got so mad, they booted me out of my church and my family. In this episode, I’m going to tell you about a book that changed the way I parent, lead, and show up in my own life.

See all episodes →