#12: Session 11 > Depression, Attachment and Mentalizing

🎙️ Episode 11 – Session 11: Depression, Attachment and Mentalizing

Welcome to episode 11 of the MBT podcast.

Today, we explore a topic that is deeply human and often difficult to talk about: depression. Not just as a diagnosis, but as an emotional experience connected to loss, attachment, and how we understand ourselves and others.

⸻

📌 What this session is about

In this session, we look at how depression is closely linked to loss and separation.

This can be very clear and visible, like: • losing a loved one • the end of a relationship • losing a job or a place where you felt you belonged

But loss can also be more subtle: • losing a sense of identity • feeling disconnected from others • or feeling like you’ve lost yourself

These experiences can lead to deep feelings of sadness, loneliness, and emptiness.

According to the publications on MBT, depression can develop when a natural grief response does not fade, but instead becomes persistent and overwhelming.

⸻

🔎 How depression develops

Everyone reacts differently to loss.

Some people process it and slowly recover. But for others, especially when there have been earlier painful experiences or unstable attachments, the impact can be much stronger.

Depression can then become a kind of automatic response.

You may start to notice patterns like: • feeling stuck in sadness • losing motivation or energy • withdrawing from others • feeling hopeless about the future

And over time, this can become your “normal.”

⸻

🧠 Depressive thinking patterns

One of the most important parts of this session is understanding how we think when we are depressed.

These thoughts often feel like facts, but they are not.

Examples include: • “It will never get better.” • “Everything is my fault.” • “I’m not good enough.”

These are called automatic negative thoughts.

They feel real — but they are often shaped by past experiences and emotional pain.

And here is the key insight from MBT:

When you are depressed, it becomes harder to mentalize. Meaning: You lose the ability to reflect on your thoughts and feelings with distance and curiosity.

Instead, your thoughts feel absolute and true.

⸻

⚖️ The role of mentalizing in depression

Mentalizing helps you to: • step back from your thoughts • question what feels like “the truth” • understand that feelings are temporary • and see that there may be other perspectives

Without mentalizing, depression can trap you in a closed system: • your thoughts confirm your feelings • your feelings reinforce your thoughts

And the cycle continues.

⸻

💊 Treatment and recovery

Depression can be treated.

In some cases, medication is used to reduce the intensity of emotions. But within MBT, the focus is on something deeper:

Reconnecting with your emotions — not avoiding them.

Because even though painful emotions are difficult, they are also the key to understanding yourself.

Therapy helps you to: • explore your thoughts and feelings • understand where they come from • and slowly rebuild your ability to mentalize

This process takes time — but it creates real, lasting change.

⸻

🔁 Why this matters

Depression is not weakness. It is not failure.

It is often a signal — that something important has been lost, or was never fully there.

And understanding that… is where recovery begins.

⸻

🎯 Reflection

Take a moment to reflect: • When have you experienced negative thoughts like these? • Did they feel like facts, or could you question them? • And what happens when you try to look at them with curiosity instead of certainty?

⸻

🎧 Closing

This brings us to the end of all 11 sessions of the MBT program.

In the next episode, we will offer a unique and personal insight into a one-on-one therapy session, known in the Dutch version of this podcast as: “Behind Closed Doors.”

Thank you for listening, and don’t forget to follow us to stay up to date with our latest episodes.