
Show Notes
In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we're returning to the subject of PDA, or Pathological Demand Avoidance. PDA is a profile of autism where the standout feature is demand avoidance - and the behaviours that come with it are often misunderstood, dismissed as naughtiness or stubbornness. We're drawing on guidance from the PDA Society alongside our own lived experience to help you understand what's really going on, and what actually helps. Key Takeaways PDA is an autism profile where everyday demands can trigger intense anxiety and a need for control. Responses commonly look like fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. Many children with PDA have a spiky profile - real strengths in some areas and significant challenges in others. Appearing articulate or socially capable can mask what's really going on inside. Some common approaches make things worse - strict routines, reward charts, behaviour systems, and countdowns can all increase anxiety and erode trust. It varies so much between children. Think of boundaries with an elastic band around them: knowing what really matters and letting the rest go. Language matters. Swapping direct demands for gentle suggestions, indirect phrasing, and offering real choices can make a significant difference. Responding with compassion, curiosity, and calm - even when you're screaming inside - is what keeps things from escalating. The PDA Society frames this as a human rights issue, grounded in dignity, freedom, and choice — and that perspective can help justify approaches that might feel counterintuitive to others. School settings often struggle with PDA because surface compliance hides deep need. Good assessment and clear educational planning really matter.
Mentioned in This Episode PDA Society - https://www.pdasociety.org.uk PDA Society Support and Training - https://www.pdasociety.org.uk/support-and-training/
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Transcript 57 - Parenting PDA [00:00:00] Victoria Bennion: In today's episode, we're returning to a subject that we've covered before PDA, but this time, , we wanna go a little bit more deeper into it, is it something that comes up on a regular basis? And particularly as we were talking about the transitions that the children are going through as they grow up, and how you then handle that with a PDA child. Natalie Tealdi: PDA, which is pathological demand avoidance and the behaviors that come with it are often misunderstood. We've both learned so much more since the episode we did on this before, and we want to share that experience with you. Victoria Bennion: Yeah, we're gonna make sure that we draw on guidance from the PDA society, and we'll combine that with our own lived experience. Talking about common traits. What happens when every day demands trigger intense anxiety, how a rights-based approach changes our responses and where you can go to for support. Natalie Tealdi: The PDA Society describes PDA as a profile of autism, where the standout feature is demand [00:01:00] avoidance. So people struggle with everyday demands, even ones they want or need to do. Victoria Bennion: Yeah, it's often mistaken for naughtiness or being really stubborn. So without the right understanding and support, PDA can really have a massive effect on daily life. Natalie Tealdi: The key point is this demand avoidance is usually driven by anxiety and a need for control. I think that's been a really important one for me to understand. I try to come at it as a point of view of. My child's anxious and they need support rather than them just being Defiant. Victoria Bennion: Again, I know we say this a lot, but it's can't rather than won't, but it's just the way those behaviors come out that I think to someone who doesn't know what's going on, it can look like
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