Show Notes
You love your teenager. So when they come to you with a problem, of course you want to help. But what if all that helping is actually making it harder for your teenager to talk to you, and harder for them to build confidence in themselves? In this episode, I'm challenging the belief that being a good mom means giving your teenager the answers they need. Because your teenager doesn't just need good answers from you. They need opportunities to discover that they can find answers themselves. We'll talk about why immediately reassuring your teenager isn't always confidence-building, what can happen when you unintentionally start thinking FOR them, and how your loving attempts to help can change their experience of talking to you. And I'll give you one question to start asking yourself: Am I helping my teenager think, or am I doing the thinking for them? Because you don't want your teenager dependent on you for every answer. But you don't want disconnection either. You want to become someone your teenager feels safe thinking out loud WITH. Maybe the thing that needs to change isn't your teenager's willingness to talk. Maybe it's the pattern that happens when they do. If you want help seeing the patterns happening between you and your teenager that may be creating distance—even when you're trying to create closeness, join me for the Trusted Lab workshop on September 9th. → https://lab.kristenduke.com/ You can't do different until you SEE different.
More from TRUSTED by your Teenager with Kristen Duke
Where do you start when you want a better relationship with your teenager? Maybe things are actually pretty good—you just wish you knew what to say when conversations about phones, friends, dating, confidence, honesty, school or responsibility come up. Or maybe you're feeling your teenager pull away and wondering why everything you've tried seems to make them retreat even more. In this episode, I'm taking you behind the scenes of the different ways I help moms—from the Teen Topic Toolkit and Chat Cards to the Trusted Lab, 30-Day Trusted Reset and Trusted Academy—and helping you recognize what kind of support might fit where you are right now. It all started with a slideshow I made for my own kids explaining what I actually do. And that leads to one of my favorite simple connection ideas you can steal for Thanksgiving or Christmas this year: have a family slideshow night! Because sometimes you need better words. Sometimes you need to see the pattern. Sometimes you need help changing the pattern. And sometimes you want support becoming a different kind of mom over time. 💌 Join the Bestie Club: [BESTIE CLUB LINK] 📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kristendukechats/ 📧 Email: [email protected]
You finally got your teenager talking. Now what do you SAY? How do you listen without immediately fixing? Hold a boundary without shutting them down? Give your opinion without making them regret telling you? Talk about phones without another power struggle? Respond to a lie in a way that encourages MORE honesty next time? Getting your teenager to talk isn't the whole goal. You want them to KEEP talking. In this episode, I'm sharing why some of the best teenage conversations happen BEFORE there's a problem and how thinking through the tough topics ahead of time can help you respond with more confidence when the real moment comes. And my brand-new Teen Topic Toolkit is officially OPEN! You'll get bite-sized trainings and conversation tools for the 7 topics moms ask me about most: Phones, Friends, Dating, Confidence, Lying, Schoolwork, and Responsibility. Today it the lowest price I'll ever offer it. https://toolkit.kristenduke.com/ And for the first TWO HOURS, you'll also get a BONUS. 👉 Grab the Teen Topic Toolkit here: https://toolkit.kristenduke.com/ Have the conversation BEFORE you need the conversation.
When your teenager is hurting, Fix-It Mom can show up FAST. They're left out by friends. Their confidence takes a hit. Someone says something cruel. And because you love them, you immediately want to reassure, advise, solve, or make the hurt disappear. But sometimes your teenager doesn't need you to fix it. They need to know you can handle sitting with them while it hurts. In this episode, I'm talking about how to stay curious instead of jumping straight to solutions, what to say when your teenager shares something painful, and why some of the most important conversations happen BEFORE there's a problem. Because the best time to decide how you want to handle a hard conversation isn't when you're already standing in the middle of it. My brand-new Teen Topic Toolkit opens Thursday, October 15, with practical help for Phones, Friends, Dating, Confidence, Lying, Schoolwork, and Responsibility. Join the Email Besties: https://newsletter.kristenduke.com/newsletter-sign-up Instagram: @KristenDukeChats
If you listened and ready to be one of my email besties, iykyk, do that here. Lying keeps coming up in my conversations with moms of teenagers, and I know how quickly it can make you question trust, your relationship, and what to do next. I've been working on something specifically to help with this, and it's coming soon. 👀 My email Besties will be the first to hear about it (and get first access), so if you're not on the list yet, sign up ! You're going to want this one.
You care about your teenager so much. So when they say, "You don't care about me," your first thought might be: Are you kidding me? Everything I do is because I care! But sometimes there's a disconnect between how much you care and how your care is being experienced by your teenager. The questions. The reminders. The advice. The checking in. The trying to fix it. It all comes from love, but to your teenager, it can sometimes feel like pressure. In this short episode, I'm sharing one simple shift you can make when you know something is wrong but your teenager doesn't want to talk. And if you're missing the relationship you used to have, getting one-word answers, watching your teen disappear into their room, or wondering why your attempts to connect seem to push them farther away, don't just wait and hope it gets better. 💗 JOIN ME FOR THE TRUSTED WORKSHOP My next live Trusted Workshop is October 8th. I'll help you recognize the patterns that may be getting in the way of connection and show you how to become the mom your teenager trusts enough to talk to AND actually listens to when you have something important to say. 👉 Save your spot for the Trusted Workshop: https://lab.kristenduke.com/ Listening after October 8th? Click the same link to see upcoming workshop dates. 🧰 THE TEEN TOPIC TOOLKIT IS COMING SOON! Already in a pretty good place with your teenager, but wish you knew how to handle the conversations that can get tricky? The Teen Topic Toolkit is coming soon, with practical help for seven topics moms ask me about most: phones, friends, dating, confidence, lying, schoolwork, and responsibility. 👉 Join my email list to be the first to hear when the Teen Topic Toolkit is available: https://newsletter.kristenduke.com/ 💗 Come find me on Instagram: @KristenDukeChats https://www.instagram.com/kristendukechats/ You don't need to wait for things to get worse before learning a different way. The goal isn't just to get through the teen years. It's to build a relationship that lasts beyond them.