Show Notes
These Summer messages are re-broadcasts from our most popular, relevant, and helpful messages that are worth listening to again to stay focused and strong over the Summer as you continue fighting Every Man’s Battle.📻 START YOUR WEEK WITH HOPE ON 𝙀𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙈𝙖𝙣’𝙨 𝘽𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙡𝙚 𝙋𝙤𝙙𝙘𝙖𝙨𝙩Licensed counselors JJ West and Doug Barnes welcome back Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Marc Cameron, New Life LIVE co‑host and author of Understanding Your Attachment Style, for a powerful episode on how attachment styles shape sexual behavior and acting out.In this first of a two‑part conversation, they focus on the Avoider and Pleaser (anxious) attachment styles and how these patterns—formed in your family of origin—often drive pornography use, affairs, sexual shutdown, and “people‑pleasing in the bedroom.”In this episode, they:Introduce Marc’s new book Understanding Your Attachment Style and how it equips individuals (not just couples) to “earn” a secure attachment in all relationships.Unpack how Avoiders often use sex or pornography as a non‑relational stress reliever and why their sex life frequently feels disconnected from emotion.Describe how Pleasers (anxious attachment) can lose their voice, over‑accommodate, and even agree to unwanted sexual acts just to keep the peace.☎️ 𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐃𝐄 𝐓𝐎𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐒 𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐔𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍:“Where did my attachment style come from?”Marc explains that attachment is programming, not personality, formed in the home you grew up in—especially how your caregivers handled emotions, touch, and distress. Avoiders usually come from low‑affection, low‑emotion homes where feelings were minimized or dismissed; Pleasers grow up managing a parent’s mood (anger, anxiety, depression) by being the “good kid.”“How does the Avoider attachment style play out sexually?”Avoidant men often see sex as a non‑relational “event” rather than emotional connection, with little eye contact, comfort, or nurturing before or after sex. They are especially vulnerable to pornography, because porn offers intense bodily sensation, no emotional risk, no relational maintenance, and a script of hyper‑available, aggressive partners that distorts expectations for marriage.“What about avoidant women?”Avoidant women frequently dislike or even despise sex, experiencing it as something unnecessary or aversive rather than a place of connection. Some may offer sex only to “get it over with,” or even quietly tolerate their husband’s pornography use because it means less pressure on them—while still carrying buried resentment and unmet longing for true emotional connection.“Why did porn and masturbation feel like such a perfect escape?”JJ shares how growing up in an emotionally shut‑down, low‑affection home set him up to use pornography and masturbation as a stress reliever and escape from reality. Instead of risking rejection or learning to name feelings, sex became an internal coping mechanism that seemed to “fix” stress without requiring real relational risk.“How does the Pleaser (anxious) attachment style act out sexually?”Pleasers are wired to calm other people down; they’ve been managing a parent’s mood their whole life, and now they try to manage a spouse’s anger or anxiety through compliance. Pleaser wives may say yes to sexual acts they don’t want, just to avoid conflict, and pleaser husbands may pursue sex for reassurance (“If you’ll have sex with me, we must be okay”).“What happens when a Pleaser finally hits a breaking point?”Because Pleasers chronically ignore their own needs and voice, they often hit midlife with deep internal resentment and burnout. At that point, sex may be shut off completely—not because they “hate sex,” but because they no longer enjoy it in that relationship—making them especially vulnerable to emotional or sexual affairs where they finally feel seen, safe, and valued.“Can an Avoider or Pleaser ever become secure?”The good news: attachment styles are how you are, not who you are. Marc describes how research shows adults can earn secure att
More from Every Man’s Battle Podcast
These October messages are re-broadcasts from our most popular, relevant, and helpful messages that are worth listening to again to stay focused and strong over the changing seasons as you continue fighting Every Man’s Battle.📻 𝙀𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙈𝙖𝙣’𝙨 𝘽𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙡𝙚 𝙋𝙤𝙙𝙘𝙖𝙨𝙩 – 𝐄𝐩𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐝𝐞 𝟏𝟔 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐍𝐨tesIn this final installment of the Key Elements of Transformation series, licensed counselors JJ West and Doug Barnes explain why you cannot do sexual integrity recovery alone and why behavior change without heart change eventually fails. Building on earlier episodes about grace, surrender, story work, and compassion, they now unpack how community, confrontation, and honest feedback become instruments of God’s transforming grace.You’ll learn:Why isolation keeps your blind spots hidden, and how safe, truth‑telling brothers (not “yes‑men”) help you see and change destructive patterns.The critical difference between behavior modification (short‑term, performance‑driven) and heart transformation (Spirit‑led, relational, long‑term), and how each impacts your spouse, children, church, and friends.How courageous conversations—like friends confronting JJ about major life decisions or chronic lateness—illustrate the kind of community every man needs for lasting change.🎟 Use code 𝐄𝐌𝐁𝐏𝐎𝐃 to save $100 when you register for the Every Man’s Battle Intensive, and ask about scholarships so finances don’t keep you from the help and community you need.📧 𝐁𝐎𝐍𝐔𝐒 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐅𝐎R EMAIL 𝐒𝐔𝐁𝐒𝐂𝐑𝐈𝐁𝐄𝐑𝐒Want extra content to encourage your integrity, delivered via email each month?👉 Email [email protected] with “Bonus Content” in the subject line to receive exclusive Every Man’s Battle Podcast resources.Have a question, story, or idea for a future episode?👉 Email [email protected] with “Podcast Question” in the subject line so JJ and Doug can consider it for upcoming QA episodes.☎️ Need a counselor, mentor, or group to walk with you?👉 Call 800‑NEW‑LIFE or visit NewLife.com to find Christian counseling and men’s sexual integrity groups (in‑person and online).🎟 𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐂𝐈𝐀𝐋 𝐎𝐅𝐅𝐄𝐑 – 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘 𝐌𝐀𝐍’𝐒 𝐁𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐒𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐌𝐄𝐍’𝐒 𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐏𝐒If this series has highlighted how much you’ve tried to do recovery alone or rely on behavior checklists, it’s time to step into brotherhood and heart transformation. The Every Man’s Battle Intensive is a 3‑day, Christ‑centered workshop where licensed Christian counselors and trained facilitators walk you and a small group of men through teaching, story work, and practical tools you can’t get by yourself.After the workshop, you can plug into Every Man’s Battle groups, Men’s Sexual Integrity groups, and other support/12‑step style groups that New Life offers in person and online, so you’re never walking this path alone again.💵 Worried about cost? Scholarships are available because New Life does not want finances to be the reason you stay in bondage. When you call 800‑NEW‑LIFE, ask about assistance for the Every Man’s Battle Intensive and related groups.Use code 𝐄𝐌𝐁𝐏𝐎𝐃 when you register to save $100 on your Every Man’s Battle tuition.🎧 Discover more ways to listen watch:👉 Every Man’s Battle Podcast hub: https://newlife.com/podcasts/every-mans-battle/👉 New Life LIVE other New Life podcasts: https://newlife.com/podcasts/#EveryMansBattle #SexualIntegrity #Transformation #HeartChangeVsBehaviorChange #Community #BrothersInTheBattle #NewLifeMinistries
These October messages are re-broadcasts from our most popular, relevant, and helpful messages that are worth listening to again to stay focused and strong over the changing seasons as you continue fighting Every Man’s Battle.📻 𝙀𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙈𝙖𝙣’𝙨 𝘽𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙡𝙚 𝙋𝙤𝙙𝙘𝙖𝙨𝙩 – 𝐄𝐩𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐝𝐞 𝟏𝟓 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐍𝐨𝐓𝐄𝐒In Part 2 of the Key Elements of Transformation series, licensed counselors JJ West and Doug Barnes draw on Gabor Maté’s insight that the real question is not “Why the addiction?” but “Why the pain?” They show how sexual acting out is a flawed attempt to soothe unaddressed childhood wounds, and they model a compassionate, curious way of revisiting those stories instead of piling on more shame.You’ll learn:Why slowing down, journaling, and tracing your last relapse backward in time helps identify emotions, thoughts, and needs that drove the behavior.How JJ’s and Doug’s own stories of public shame and insignificance still echo in adulthood—and how compassionate re‑parenting of their younger selves changes their responses today.Practical first steps for processing acting out (journaling, naming needs, seeking legitimate ways to meet them) and why doing this work in community—through groups like Sustained Victory and other men’s sexual integrity meetings—is essential for lasting transformation.🎟 Use code 𝐄𝐌𝐁𝐏𝐎𝐃 to save $100 when you register for the Every Man’s Battle Intensive, and ask about scholarships so finances don’t keep you from the help you need.📧 𝐁𝐎𝐍𝐔𝐒 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐅𝐎R EMAIL 𝐒𝐔𝐁𝐒𝐂𝐑𝐈𝐁𝐄𝐑𝐒Want extra content to encourage your integrity, delivered via email each month?👉 Email [email protected] with “Bonus Content” in the subject line to receive exclusive Every Man’s Battle Podcast resources.Have questions or feedback, or want JJ and Doug to address your specific struggle in a future episode?👉 Email [email protected] with “Podcast Question” in the subject line.☎️ Need prayer, a counselor, or help finding a group?👉 Call 800‑NEW‑LIFE or visit NewLife.com for counseling, groups, and faith‑based sexual integrity resources.🎟 𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐂𝐈𝐀𝐋 𝐎𝐅𝐅𝐄𝐑 – 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘 𝐌𝐀𝐍’𝐒 𝐁𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐒𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐌𝐄𝐍’𝐒 𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐏𝐒If you’re tired of beating yourself up after each relapse and ready to learn why you keep going back, the Every Man’s Battle Intensive is a crucial next step. This 3‑day, in‑person workshop combines teaching, story work, small‑group interaction, and practical tools so men can address both behaviors and the pain beneath them.After the weekend, Sustained Victory and other New Life men’s sexual integrity groups offer the ongoing support, accountability, and compassionate community needed to keep processing wounds, needs, and triggers in real time.💵 Concerned about cost? Scholarships are available because New Life does not want finances to be the reason you stay stuck. When you call 800‑NEW‑LIFE, ask about assistance for Every Man’s Battle and ongoing groups.Use code 𝐄𝐌𝐁𝐏𝐎𝐃 when you register to save $100 on your Every Man’s Battle registration.🎧 Discover more ways to listen watch:👉 Every Man’s Battle Podcast hub: https://newlife.com/podcasts/every-mans-battle/👉 New Life LIVE other podcasts: https://newlife.com/podcasts/#EveryMansBattle #SexualIntegrity #Transformation #GaborMate #ChildhoodWounds #CompassionateInquiry #Journaling #SustainedVictory #NewLifeMinistries
These October messages are re-broadcasts from our most popular, relevant, and helpful messages that are worth listening to again to stay focused and strong over the changing seasons as you continue fighting Every Man’s Battle.📻 𝙀𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙈𝙖𝙣’𝙨 𝘽𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙡𝙚 𝙋𝙤𝙙𝙘𝙖𝙨𝙩 – 𝐄𝐩𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐝𝐞 𝟏𝟒 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐍𝐨𝐓𝐄𝐒In Part 1 of a two‑episode series on the key elements of transformation, licensed counselors JJ West and Doug Barnes unpack why sexual integrity is about far more than “not looking at porn” or “trying harder.” They distinguish behavior modification from grace‑centered heart change, emphasizing that without surrender, story work, and community, men will either white‑knuckle sobriety or simply swap one unhealthy behavior for another.You’ll learn:Why surrender to God’s care is not weakness or defeat, but the doorway to freedom and real spiritual transformation.How understanding your story behind your unwanted behaviors—with curiosity and kindness, not contempt—helps you identify the wounds you keep reenacting in adulthood.Why community (Sustained Victory groups, church relationships, brothers in the battle) is essential for lasting change, and how to join the EMB email list and survey so the podcast can better serve you.🎟 Use code 𝐄𝐌𝐁𝐏𝐎𝐃 to save $100 when you register for the Every Man’s Battle Intensive, and ask about scholarships so finances don’t keep you from the help you need.📧 𝐁𝐎𝐍𝐔𝐒 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓, 𝐒𝐔𝐑𝐕𝐄𝐘 𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑 𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒JJ pauses mid‑episode to make a specific request:Become part of the EMB email list so the team can better serve you.Complete a short listener survey that will shape future topics and resources.👉 To join: email [email protected] and ask to be added to the Every Man’s Battle Podcast list and receive the survey.Want extra content to encourage your integrity, delivered via email each month?👉 Email [email protected] with “Bonus Content” in the subject line.Have a question or topic suggestion?👉 Email [email protected] with “Podcast Question” in the subject line.☎️ Need prayer, a counselor, or more info on workshops and groups?👉 Call 800‑NEW‑LIFE or visit NewLife.com for counseling, groups, and faith‑based sexual integrity resources.🎟 𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐂𝐈𝐀𝐋 𝐎𝐅𝐅𝐄𝐑 – 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘 𝐌𝐀𝐍’𝐒 𝐁𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐒𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐒𝐔𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐃 𝐕𝐈𝐂𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘If you’re realizing you’ve tried to white‑knuckle change without surrender, story work, or real community, the Every Man’s Battle Intensive is a vital next step. This 3‑day, in‑person workshop brings together licensed Christian counselors and a small group of men for teaching, story work, and practical tools to move beyond behavior modification into heart‑level transformation.After the weekend, Sustained Victory weekly groups provide the ongoing brotherhood, accountability, and grace‑filled feedback that help men live out what they learned, instead of slipping back into old patterns.💵 Concerned about cost? New Life offers scholarships because finances should never be the reason a man stays stuck. When you call 800‑NEW‑LIFE, ask about assistance for both Every Man’s Battle and Sustained Victory.Use code 𝐄𝐌𝐁𝐏𝐎𝐃 when you register to save $100 on your Every Man’s Battle registration.🎧 Discover more ways to listen watch:👉 Every Man’s Battle Podcast hub: https://newlife.com/podcasts/every-mans-battle/👉 New Life LIVE other podcasts: https://newlife.com/podcasts/#EveryMansBattle #SexualIntegrity #Transformation #Surrender #StoryWork #GraceNotShame #SustainedVictory #EveryMansBattleWorkshop #NewLifeMinistries
These September messages are re-broadcasts from our most popular, relevant, and helpful messages that are worth listening to again to stay focused and strong over the changing seasons as you continue fighting Every Man’s Battle.📻 𝙀𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙈𝙖𝙣’𝙨 𝘽𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙡𝙚 𝙋𝙤𝙙𝙘𝙖𝙨𝙩 – 𝐄𝐩𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐝𝐞 𝟏𝟑 Show NotesIn this Season 3 “meet the facilitators” episode, licensed counselors JJ West and Doug Barnes interview Joe Elliott, an Every Man’s Battle breakout‑group and Sustained Victory facilitator whose story spans childhood exposure to sexualized media, decades of acting out across nearly all sexual boundaries, and a powerful turn toward freedom and service. Joe first attended EMB in 2011 after his wife, Kyra, confronted his ogling and friends pointed them to New Life.You’ll hear:How early experiences—like a nude portrait in his home, pin‑ups in the closet, and TV “heroes” who slept with every guest star—shaped Joe’s objectification, compulsive masturbation, serial monogamy, and infidelity.Why skipping Sustained Victory after his first EMB led to relapse four years later, and how weekly groups, check‑in calls, journaling, and understanding “eye wounds” now anchor his ongoing recovery and marriage.What Kyra told him about forgiveness vs. trust—and how her recorded prayer for EMB men today reflects God’s grace at work in both of their lives.🎟 Use code 𝐄𝐌𝐁𝐏𝐎𝐃 to save $100 when you register for the Every Man’s Battle Intensive, and ask about scholarships for both EMB and Sustained Victory so cost doesn’t keep you from the help you need.📧 𝐁𝐎𝐍𝐔𝐒 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐅𝐎R EMAIL 𝐒𝐔𝐁𝐒𝐂𝐑𝐈𝐁𝐄𝐑𝐒Want extra content to encourage your integrity, delivered via email each month?👉 Email [email protected] with “Bonus Content” in the subject line to receive exclusive Every Man’s Battle Podcast resources.Have a question or topic suggestion?👉 Email [email protected] with “Podcast Question” in the subject line.☎️ Need prayer, a counselor, or more info on workshops and groups?👉 Call 800‑NEW‑LIFE or visit NewLife.com for counseling, groups, and faith‑based sexual integrity resources.🎟 𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐂𝐈𝐀𝐋 𝐎𝐅𝐅𝐄𝐑 – 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘 𝐌𝐀𝐍’𝐒 𝐁𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐒𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐒𝐔𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐃 𝐕𝐈𝐂𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘If Joe’s story sounds painfully familiar—early exposure, escalating behaviors, broken promises, and a “white‑knuckled” attempt to fix things alone—the Every Man’s Battle Intensive is where your turnaround can begin. This 3‑day, in‑person workshop provides a safe, shame‑free zone where licensed Christian counselors lead you and a small group of men through story work, biblical teaching, and practical tools for sexual integrity.After the weekend, Sustained Victory weekly groups offer the structured, ongoing support Joe wishes he’d embraced from day one—guided conversations, accountability, and brotherhood that help you maintain momentum long after the event ends.💵 Worried about cost? Joe mentions scholarships because New Life never wants money to be the reason you stay stuck. When you call 800‑NEW‑LIFE, ask about scholarship options for both Every Man’s Battle and Sustained Victory.Use code 𝐄𝐌𝐁𝐏𝐎𝐃 when you register to save $100 on the Every Man’s Battle workshop.🎧 Discover more ways to listen watch:👉 Every Man’s Battle Podcast hub: https://newlife.com/podcasts/every-mans-battle/👉 New Life LIVE other podcasts: https://newlife.com/podcasts/#EveryMansBattle #SexualIntegrity #JoeElliott #FacilitatorStories #PornAddiction #BrothersInTheBattle #SustainedVictory #EveryMansBattleWorkshop #NewLifeMinistries
These September messages are re-broadcasts from our most popular, relevant, and helpful messages that are worth listening to again to stay focused and strong over the changing seasons as you continue fighting Every Man’s Battle.📻 𝙀𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙈𝙖𝙣’𝙨 𝘽𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙡𝙚 𝙋𝙤𝙙𝙘𝙖𝙨𝙩 – 𝐄𝐩𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐝𝐞 𝟏𝟐 Show NotesFrom Dallas during an Every Man’s Battle Intensive, licensed counselors JJ West and Doug Barnes continue their “Finding What Matters” series—shifting from what to look for in a woman to the deeper question, “What kind of man am I becoming?” They unpack why character, emotional health, and humility matter more than perfection or chemistry, and share candidly what they’d do differently if they could redo their dating years.You’ll learn:Why you must first let God define your identity instead of handing women your “report card” and asking them to tell you who you are.Key traits to look for in a woman: genuine faith, growing character, emotional honesty, and humility—not flawless performance or constant excitement.How mentoring, community feedback, and environments like the Every Man’s Battle Intensive can help both younger and older men walk in greater wisdom in dating and marriage.🎟 Use code 𝐄𝐌𝐁𝐏𝐎𝐃 to save $100 on the Every Man’s Battle Intensive, a 3‑day workshop where men address sexual integrity, grow in character, and learn to pursue relationships that truly reflect God’s design📧 𝐁𝐎𝐍𝐔𝐒 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐅𝐎R EMAIL 𝐒𝐔𝐁𝐒𝐂𝐑𝐈𝐁𝐄𝐑𝐒Want extra content to encourage your integrity, delivered via email each month?👉 Email [email protected] with “Bonus Content” in the subject line to receive exclusive Every Man’s Battle Podcast resources.Have a question or topic suggestion?👉 Email [email protected] with “Podcast Question” in the subject line.☎️ Need prayer, a counselor, or more info on workshops and groups?👉 Call 800‑NEW‑LIFE or visit NewLife.com for counseling, groups, and faith‑based sexual integrity resources.🎟 𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐂𝐈𝐀𝐋 𝐎𝐅𝐅𝐄𝐑 – 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘 𝐌𝐀𝐍’𝐒 𝐁𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐒𝐈𝐕𝐄If this two‑part series exposed how much your approach to dating and relationships has been driven by feelings, fantasy, or insecurity, the Every Man’s Battle Intensive is a crucial next step. This 3‑day, in‑person workshop creates a no‑shame zone where men confront sexual sin, understand their patterns, and experience mentoring and brotherhood in small groups led by licensed Christian counselors.Use code 𝐄𝐌𝐁𝐏𝐎𝐃 when you register to save $100 on your tuition. If finances are tight, ask about scholarships and financial assistance when you call 800‑NEW‑LIFE—New Life does not want money to be the reason you stay stuck.🎧 Discover more ways to listen watch:👉 Every Man’s Battle Podcast hub:https://newlife.com/podcasts/every-mans-battle/👉 New Life LIVE other podcasts:https://newlife.com/podcasts/#EveryMansBattle #SexualIntegrity #DatingWisdom #Mentoring #ChristianMen #ChoosingASpouse #CharacterOverChemistry #Sanctification #EveryMansBattleWorkshop #NewLifeMinistries