80 - The STOP Method: How to Control Anger Before It Controls You
Anger Management: Practical Tools to Control AngerShow Notes
For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com. In this episode of the Anger Management Podcast, anger expert Alastair Duhs introduces the STOP model: a simple, four-step tool you can use anywhere, anytime, the moment you feel anger starting to rise. Whether it's your partner, a driver cutting you off or your kid doing that thing again, the window between feeling angry and acting on it is smaller than most people think. This episode is about how to use that window. Rather than offering advice that only works when you're calm, Alastair walks through a practical tool designed specifically for the heat of the moment, and explains exactly why it works on a physiological level, not just a psychological one. These are skills, not personality traits. They get easier with practice. Key Takeaways: The moment between feeling angry and acting on it is where everything happens. Without a deliberate pause, you don't have a choice, you just react. The STOP model is how you create that pause. Slow, deep breathing isn't just calming advice, it's physiology. It activates your body's natural calming system and directly counteracts the stress response that anger triggers. Practicing deep breathing in low-stakes moments means the habit is already there when the pressure is really on. Don't wait until you're angry to try it for the first time. Observing your anger rather than acting on it creates distance between you and the feeling. You're no longer inside it. You're watching it. And that shift changes everything. The right question before you respond is: what is the most useful way to handle this right now? Reacting with anger is almost never the answer, even when you're right. A physical reminder: a sticky note, a card in your wallet, sounds almost too simple. But a visual cue in the right place at the right time can interrupt the automatic pattern before it starts.
Resources & Next Steps: If you'd like support controlling your anger and building calmer, more loving relationships: Visit AngerSecrets.com Book a free 30-minute phone call Access the free training on "Breaking The Anger Cycle"
More from Anger Management: Practical Tools to Control Anger
For help controlling your anger, visit https://angersecrets.com/. Two weeks after the last argument, you are having it again. Different trigger, same fight, same ending. In this episode, Alastair explains why the argument was never about the thing you were arguing about, and shows you the pattern running underneath it. If you keep having the same fight in different clothes, if your partner goes quiet and withdraws after you have spoken to them, or if your kids tiptoe around you after a row, you will recognise this pattern. You will learn the three roles people fall into when conflict starts: the persecutor who blames and criticises, the victim who feels powerless and deflects responsibility, and the rescuer who smooths things over and stops the real issue being addressed. The pattern has a name, the Drama Triangle. The part most people miss is that nobody stays in one role. Alastair walks through one argument over a burnt dinner where a husband and wife switch through all three roles in minutes, and both go to bed feeling like the victim. He also gives you the one question that starts to break the cycle: not what role were they in, but what role was I in? The Anger Management Podcast helps men and women master anger management, improve healthy conflict resolution, repair relationships after arguments, and create calmer, happier homes. Hosted by anger specialist Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System.
For help controlling your anger, visit https://angersecrets.com/. You know you should stay calm. You promise yourself you will. Then something happens and you are already shouting before you have decided to. In this episode, Alastair explains why controlling your anger is not one big act of willpower, but three small skills most people have never been shown. If your anger feels like a switch that flips out of nowhere, if your jaw tightens or your voice changes without you noticing, or if you only realise you have lost your temper once the damage is done, you are not alone. You will learn three practical skills you can start using this week: how to recognise your early warning signs of anger, why slowing down for one or two seconds changes a conversation, and how knowing your anger triggers lets you prepare instead of react. Alastair shares the two-word technique one client used to force a pause, starting his next sentence with "I think" or "I feel". His wife noticed the difference within weeks. You will also hear about a dad whose anger felt like it came from nowhere, until he learned to spot his shoulders creeping up and his answers getting shorter. The Anger Management Podcast helps men and women master anger management, stay calm under pressure, manage anger triggers, and build calmer, happier relationships. Hosted by anger specialist Alastair Duhs, creator of The Complete Anger Management System.
For help controlling your anger, visit angersecrets.com. Is anger creating distance in your marriage? Maybe your partner has started walking on eggshells around you, conversations keep turning into arguments, or you feel like you're drifting further apart despite wanting things to be different. In this episode, I share five practical steps you can take today to start repairing your relationship. You'll learn how to take responsibility without blaming yourself, communicate instead of making assumptions, listen in a way that rebuilds trust, reconnect with your partner, and stop small disagreements from becoming major conflicts. You'll discover: Why taking responsibility is the first step toward rebuilding trust. How assumptions quietly create unnecessary conflict in relationships. The listening skill that can completely change the way you and your partner communicate. Why making intentional time for your marriage matters more than you think. One simple question that can stop unnecessary arguments before they cause lasting damage.
For help controlling your anger, visit angersecrets.com. Have you ever found yourself thinking: "Maybe this is just who I am?". If you've tried to control your anger before and slipped back into old patterns, you're not alone. It's one of the biggest reasons people stop believing lasting change is possible. In this special episode, I share the stories of 10 real people who once believed they were too far gone to change. They'd spent years making promises, apologizing after angry outbursts, and wondering if things would ever be different. Today, they're calmer, happier, and rebuilding the relationships that matter most. You'll discover: Why self-doubt keeps so many people trapped in the anger cycle. What changed for these 10 men and women—and why their progress happened faster than they expected. How learning practical anger management skills transformed their marriages, families, and daily lives. Why lasting change comes from following a structured process, not relying on willpower alone.
For help controlling your anger, visit angersecrets.com. Have you ever wondered "Do I have an anger problem?". You don't have to be shouting, throwing things or losing control for anger to be quietly damaging your relationships, your family, and your peace of mind. In this episode, I answer the five most important questions people ask about anger. You'll discover what anger really is, why it happens, when it's helpful, how to recognize when it's becoming a problem, and the practical steps you can take to regain control. You'll learn: What anger really is - and why it's an emotion, not a behavior. Why your thoughts create anger more than the situations you face. When anger can be useful - and when it damages your relationships. The warning signs that your anger may be affecting your partner, children, or work. Three practical ways to start controlling your anger before it controls you.