Show Notes
"You hit the punching bag. It bursts, sending punching-bag-filling spraying all over the room! You know that that would happen! It always happens when you hit a punching bag! Your wife gets really angry and tells you that we don't have enough money to be getting new punching bags all the time, but women hate it when you listen to what they say! The Internet told you that! The doorbell rings. You tear the door off its hinges instead of opening it, just to show it who's boss. Standing on your porch is a man in black. He wears a black cloak, and his face is hidden by a black hood. He raises a weapon towards you. This looks like one of the approximately 100% of problems that can be solved by BRUTE STRENGTH!" This is a short story narrated by Matt Arnold with the permission of the author, Scott Alexander. The original text is here: https://slatestarcodex.com/2015/06/02/and-i-show-you-how-deep-the-rabbit-hole-goes/
More from UNSONG Audiobook Version
This is the final episode of The UNSONG Audiobook Podcast for the foreseeable future. I have begun my new podcast, "Fluidity", in which I am narrating the non-fiction book "Meaningness", by David Chapman. Scott Alexander is the author of "The Girl Who Poked God With A Stick", but unlike the other short stories on this podcast, he never posted this one to his Slate Star Codex blog. Enjoy!
The man standing outside my front door was carrying a clipboard and wearing a golden robe. "Not interested," I said, preparing to slam the door in his face. "Please," said the acolyte. Before I could say no he'd jammed a wad of $100 bills into my hand. "If this will buy a few moments of your time." It did, if only because I stood too flabbergasted to move. Surely they didn't have enough money to do this for everybody. "There is no everybody," said the acolyte, when I expressed my bewilderment. "You're the last one. The last unenlightened person in the world." This is a short story narrated by Matt Arnold with the permission of the author, Scott Alexander. The original text is here: https://slatestarcodex.com/2019/11/04/samsara/
"Reddit has a feature where you can sort posts by controversial. Controversy sells, so we trained our network to predict this too. The project went to this new-ish Indian woman with a long name who went by Shiri, and she couldn't get it to work, so our boss Brad sent me to help. Shiri had tested the network on the big 1.7 billion comment archive, and it had produced controversial-sounding hypothethical scenarios about US politics. So far so good. The Japanese tested their bioweapons on Chinese prisoners. The Tuskegee Institute tested syphilis on African-Americans. We were either nicer or dumber than they were, because we tested Shiri's Scissor on ourselves." This is a short story narrated by Matt Arnold with the permission of the author, Scott Alexander. The original text is here: https://slatestarcodex.com/2018/10/30/sort-by-controversial/
"When you first take the Artifact, you will see a vision of ALPHANION, Demon-Sultan of the Domain of Order, who appears as a grid of spheres connected by luminous lines. Alphanion will urge you to use the Artifact to enforce cosmic order, law at its most fundamental." This is a short story narrated by Matt Arnold with the permission of the author, Scott Alexander. The original text is here: https://slatestarcodex.com/2018/09/12/in-the-balance/
"The Alchemist asked if I wanted a drink. I did, but no amount of staring could make my eyes settle on the color of the liquid in the flask. And the gold the alchemists paid the taxmen smelled funny and made crackling noises. I declined." This is a short story narrated by Matt Arnold with the permission of the author, Scott Alexander. The original text is here: https://slatestarcodex.com/2017/11/09/ars-longa-vita-brevis/