Redefining Masculinity: From Soldier to Sensual Guide
Real Men Feel: Men's Mental Health, Masculinity & Personal GrowthShow Notes
From Marine to Somatic Intimacy Guide: Andre Lazarus on Presence Over Performance Host Andy Grant interviews Andre Lazarus, a former US Marine turned somatic intimacy guide and surrogate partner therapist featured on the UK series Virgin Island. Andre describes serving in Afghanistan, leading others, and later being drawn into intimacy work after partners reflected its therapeutic impact, alongside unlearning rigid ideas of masculinity. He critiques the manosphere as often dangerous but notes it offers community and conversation to struggling young men. Andre defines somatic work as body-based healing—through breath, touch, and nervous-system regulation—often more effective than talk alone for physical or sexual trauma, and discusses common male intimacy issues like rapid ejaculation, erectile concerns, dissociation, and over-focusing on a partner’s pleasure. He emphasizes breathing as a foundational practice, compassion in difficult family relationships, that surrogate partner therapy is a triadic model with a licensed therapist, and that “intimacy is not performance, its presence,” “simple doesn’t mean easy,” and “there is no one way of being a man.” 00:00 Surrogate Therapy Explained 00:43 Meet Andre Lazarus 01:32 From Marines to Intimacy 03:28 Masculinity and Unlearning 07:35 Vulnerability Myths 09:13 Manosphere Pull Explained 14:34 Somatics Defined 16:18 Men’s Hidden Intimacy Struggles 20:45 Breath as First Practice 24:03 Healing Father Wounds 27:05 Virgin Island and Surrogacy 29:57 Going Public With the Work 32:42 Boundaries With Clients 34:33 Never Too Late to Grow 36:01 Connect With Andre 37:39 Final Takeaways on Presence Connect with Andre Andre Lazarus — https://coming-closer.com/ Instagram — https://www.instagram.com/comingcloserwithandre/ Highlights of Virgin Island — https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLbnU9iq6kGBFORNkmpVkNhQ6KoZVkf04T Connect with Andy: Join other like-minded men in the Authentic AF Community | https://www.realmenfeel.org/group Instagram | @realmenfeelshow & @theandygrant Andy Grant | https://theandygrant.com for coaching, healing, and book info! Real Men Feel | https://realmenfeel.org YouTube | https://youtube.com/realmenfeel
#RealMenFeel ep 406
More from Real Men Feel: Men's Mental Health, Masculinity & Personal Growth
Connect with men who actually get it: https://realmenfeel.org/group What Am I Trying Not to Feel? Grief, Shame, and Letting Yourself Express Host Andy Grant shares a personal example of emotional avoidance after the death of his longtime friend Steve, whom he’d known since high school and supported with energy work during a 10-month cancer battle. After catching himself repeatedly eating dessert straight from the fridge despite not being hungry, he asks, “What am I trying not to feel?” and discovers grief and shame, including a fear that he hadn’t done enough and had let Steve down. Andy journals, cries, and records a video to normalize men expressing sadness, shame, love, and gratitude rather than stuffing feelings into distractions like food, booze, or porn. He reflects that expressing emotions helped him feel better that day, encourages listeners to get curious, reach out for support, and invites men to join his Authentic AF community. 00:00 Dessert Distraction Moment 00:32 Loss Of Steve 01:11 Shame Question Breakthrough 01:50 Journaling And Sharing 02:49 Grief Video Begins 04:48 Healing Work With Steve 06:51 Regret And Letdown Fear 08:53 Support After Sharing 10:11 How To Express Grief 11:33 Questions For Your Own Healing 12:15 Gratitude And Invitation 13:06 Closing Goodbye CONNECT WITH ANDY: Book a Clarity Call: https://TheAndyGrant.com/align Join us in Authentic AF: https://www.realmenfeel.org/group Instagram: @realmenfeelshow and @theandygrant ABOUT REAL MEN FEEL Real Men Feel explores men's mental health, modern masculinity, relationships, purpose, authenticity and personal growth. Hosted by Andy Grant. #RealMenFeel #MensMentalHealth #Success #Authenticity #ChasingStatus Real Men Feel ep 425
Neil Smith on Purpose, Men’s Communication, and the Mettle Mental Fitness App 🔥 Connect with other men who actually get it in Authentic AF:https://realmenfeel.org/group Host Andy Grant interviews TV executive Neil Smith (The Apprentice, Grand Designs) about achieving outward success yet feeling empty, leading him to leave television and pursue purpose-driven work in men’s mental health. Neil shares hiding depression in his 20s for nearly a decade, the shame and fear of vulnerability, and a failed attempt to seek help after a dismissive doctor interaction. He argues the male mental health crisis is largely a communication crisis and that telling men to “talk” isn’t enough; support must meet men where they are. Neil co-founded the men-focused mental fitness app Mettle with Bear Grylls to reduce stigma and friction through outcome-based tools and optional community, citing a user’s recovery from suicidality to renewed family and work life. 00:00 Career Peak Question 00:53 TV Success Story 04:12 Second Mountain Awakening 06:21 Meditation And Purpose 09:56 Hidden Depression Years 12:57 Shame And Asking Help 17:17 Tribe And Male Connection 19:40 WhatsApp Banter Trap 22:22 Building Mettle App 26:57 Bear Grylls Partnership 27:45 Beyond Help To Hope 31:07 Service And Grandfather 33:12 How To Find Mettle 33:42 Final Takeaway Tribe 34:32 Host Closing Reflection CONNECT WITH NEIL & METTLE: Mettle — https://bemettle.com/ Instagram — https://www.instagram.com/be.mettle LinkedIn — https://www.linkedin.com/in/neil-s-smith/ CONNECT WITH ANDY: Coaching: https://TheAndyGrant.com/talk Real Men Feel: https://RealMenFeel.org Instagram: @realmenfeelshow and @theandygrant ABOUT REAL MEN FEEL Real Men Feel explores men's mental health, modern masculinity, relationships, purpose, authenticity and personal growth. Hosted by Andy Grant. Join other like-minded men in the Authentic AF Community | https://www.realmenfeel.org/group #RealMenFeel #MensMentalHealth #Success #Authenticity #ChasingStatus Real Men Feel ep 424
Connect with other men who actually get in Authentic AF: https://realmenfeel.org/group Quit the Game: Ryan Vertucci on Success, Validation, and Becoming an Aligned Man Host Andy Grant interviews entrepreneur and author Ryan Vertucci about the hidden cost of chasing money, status, and sexual validation. Ryan recounts feeling trapped in a Walgreens management job, launching a property management franchise, and later “optimizing” himself through fitness, image, social media, and pickup programs, only to remain empty despite wealth, friends, and dating options. MDMA-assisted therapy surfaced childhood wounds tied to his grandmother’s death, his mother’s anger, and a core belief that love must be earned; it also exposed that his girlfriend and best friend had been sleeping together while many friends enabled it. Ryan describes “sexual jail,” lust, pornography, and transactional party culture, then shares how therapy and an impulsive trip to Italy led him back to church and faith in Christ, prompting a shift toward genuine community, purpose, and internal grounding. 00:00 Chasing the Wrong Game 00:32 Meet Ryan Vertucci 01:17 Stuck in Corporate Life 04:55 Betting on a Franchise 07:25 Success Still Feels Empty 08:26 The Pickup and Party Spiral 11:00 MDMA Therapy Revelation 13:51 Childhood Wound Exposed 16:20 Sexual Jail and Lust 18:05 Just Another Rich Guy 28:54 Quitting the Nightlife 31:44 Italy Trip and Vatican 35:20 Tomb of St Matthew 37:43 Careful with Spiritual Realms 41:07 Book and Coaching Links 42:01 What Men Need to Know 44:02 Final Takeaways and Community CONNECT WITH RYAN Ryan Vertucci — https://quitthegame.com/ Quit The Game book — https://amzn.to/3WhgzNz Instagram — https://www.instagram.com/alignedmanmethod/ CONNECT WITH ANDY: Coaching: https://TheAndyGrant.com/talk Real Men Feel: https://RealMenFeel.org Instagram: @realmenfeelshow and @theandygrant ABOUT REAL MEN FEEL Real Men Feel explores men's mental health, modern masculinity, relationships, purpose, authenticity and personal growth. Hosted by Andy Grant. Join other like-minded men in the Authentic AF Community | https://www.realmenfeel.org/group #RealMenFeel #MensMentalHealth #Success #Authenticity #ChasingStatus Real Men Feel ep 423
Connect with other men who actually get it. Join Authentic AF: https://realmenfeel.org/group Eddie Christian on Losing the Jersey: Identity, Mentorship, and Life After Pro Baseball Andy Grant interviews Eddie Christian, who grew up identifying as an athlete, was first drafted at 16, and spent nine years in professional baseball in the Marlins, Angels, and Mariners organizations before moving into leading customer experience teams. Eddie describes how performance and “a number next to your name” shaped his worth from early childhood, the cutthroat reality of the minors, and coping alone after bad games. When baseball ended around age 29–30, he felt lost, avoided the sport, and said it took six or seven years for the loss to sink in as corporate life “wasn’t the clubhouse.” He discusses feeling like “nothing,” the idea that athletes “die two deaths,” and how mentors—especially veteran players and older professionals—helped him evolve. Eddie now focuses outward on mentoring and service, and he and Andy highlight men’s mental health support through The Real and the Authentic AF community. 00:00 When Identity Ends 00:48 Confidence Through Sports 01:41 Drafted at Sixteen 02:51 Numbers and Self-Worth 03:26 Alone After Failure 05:21 No Help in Clubhouse 06:04 Career Cut and Reality 07:11 Lost Without Baseball 09:02 Nothingness and Grief 11:42 Office Not Clubhouse 14:46 Corporate Slumps Too 15:56 Leadership From Baseball 17:22 Mentors Who Changed Him 19:20 Mexico Bar Breakthrough 22:02 Mentoring the Hungry 24:04 Men Need Safe Spaces 25:27 Service Over Self 26:31 How to Connect 26:56 Final Message and Wrap CONNECT WITH EDDIE Eddie Christian — https://www.eddiechristian.com/ LinkedIn — https://www.linkedin.com/in/eddie-christian/ CONNECT WITH ANDY: Coaching: https://TheAndyGrant.com/talk Real Men Feel: https://RealMenFeel.org Instagram: @realmenfeelshow and @theandygrant ABOUT REAL MEN FEEL Real Men Feel explores men's mental health, modern masculinity, relationships, purpose, authenticity and personal growth. Hosted by Andy Grant. Join other like-minded men in the Authentic AF Community | https://www.realmenfeel.org/group #RealMenFeel #MensMentalHealth Real Men Feel ep 422
🔥 Want deeper conversations like this with men who actually get it? Join Authentic AF: https://realmenfeel.org/group Taking Off the Superman Costume: Jasper Calcara on Vulnerability and the Structure of Excellence Host Andy Grant introduces Real Men Feel and invites successful-but-stuck men to book a free clarity call. He interviews structural engineer and entrepreneur Jasper Calcara, who describes a lifelong “Superman complex” rooted in childhood anxiety and lack of self-worth, masked by decades of professional success. After the sudden death of his business partner, mounting pressure, and the end of his marriage, Jasper hit rock bottom and began healing by acknowledging his “internal cracks,” seeking the right support, and embracing vulnerability. He shares engineering frameworks—temporary supports and maintenance—to explain personal growth, including “be good, do good, evolve,” his definition of excellence as sustained high performance for the right reasons, and a GPS goal model (goal, process, skills). They discuss why men delay getting help, the difference between rescuing and empowering, and the importance of safe communities. Andy closes by promoting his men’s group and reminding listeners that feelings are information. 00:00 Welcome and Clarity Call 00:26 Meet Jasper and Themes 01:18 Superman Complex Origins 03:05 Success Without Peace 05:26 Why Men Hit Rock Bottom 06:51 Collapse and Choosing Healing 08:37 Be Good Do Good Evolve 10:45 Engineering Metaphor for Support 13:21 Vulnerability and Safe Spaces 14:39 Rescuing vs Coaching 17:11 Structure of Stability 19:12 First Steps to Drop the Cape 24:24 Excellence and Goal Frameworks 28:16 Asking for Help and Connection 30:20 Where to Find Jasper 31:58 Final Takeaways and Community CONNECT WITH JASPER Jasper Calcara — https://jaspercalcara.com/ YouTube — https://www.youtube.com/@JasperCalcara26 Instagram — https://www.instagram.com/jaspercalcara CONNECT WITH ANDY: Coaching: https://TheAndyGrant.com/talk Real Men Feel: https://RealMenFeel.org Instagram: @realmenfeelshow and @theandygrant ABOUT REAL MEN FEEL Real Men Feel explores men's mental health, modern masculinity, relationships, purpose, authenticity and personal growth. Hosted by Andy Grant. Join other like-minded men in the Authentic AF Community | https://www.realmenfeel.org/group #RealMenFeel #MensMentalHealth Real Men Feel ep 421