MFP 363: Growing Up Hernon - What it's like in a large, loud, loving family
Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and FamilyShow Notes
Summary What's it really like growing up in a big family?
In this special Hernon kids takeover podcast, Mike and Alicia's children gather around the mic to tell the honest, funny, and heartfelt story of their upbringing. From loud dinner tables and sibling fights to deep bonds, meaningful traditions, and moments of feeling unseen, the Hernon siblings share what shaped them—for better and for worse.
They talk openly about the challenges of a large family, how sibling relationships filled the gaps when parents were stretched thin, and why intentional traditions mattered more than perfection. Along the way, they relive unforgettable childhood stories (including melted crayons, camping disasters, and a legendary vomiting incident), reflect on personality differences, and offer wisdom for parents raising kids today.
This episode is a gift to parents wondering if they're "doing enough"—and a reminder that love multiplies, even when life is messy.
Key Takeways: 1. Big Families Are Hard—And That's Not a Bad Thing Most of the siblings admitted they didn't always love growing up in a large family—especially as teenagers. But looking back, they see how it built character, resilience, and lifelong relationships. 2. Parents Won't Always Get It Perfect Several siblings shared moments when they felt overlooked or unseen. Yet the overwhelming takeaway was this: they knew they were loved, even when time and energy were limited. 3. Siblings Matter More Than We Realize In a big family, siblings often become secondary parents, confidants, and companions. Those relationships became one of the greatest gifts of their upbringing. 4. Traditions Shape Identity From Christmas breakfasts and dinner games to family retreats and service visits, traditions created a shared story and sense of belonging that lasted into adulthood. 5. Conflict Isn't Failure—It's Formation Fighting, disagreements, and personality clashes were part of the family culture. Learning forgiveness, conflict resolution, and reconciliation turned those struggles into growth. 6. Intentionality Beats Perfection What stood out most wasn't flawless parenting—but parents who cared, listened, showed interest, and tried to be present whenever possible.
Couple Discussion Questions:
How do sibling relationships function in your family right now? How might you help strengthen them?
How do you currently handle conflict in your home—and what might forgiveness look like more intentionally?
What kind of family culture do you hope your children will talk about someday?
More from Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family
If our children learn who God is by watching us, where are we learning who God is? Summary Every parent carries an image of God shaped by experience, but what happens when that image is shaped more by our wounds than by the truth? In this episode, Mike and Alicia talk about forming a true concept of God through Scripture and letting God's Word correct the false images we pick up along the way. They share honestly from their own prayer lives, from praying through the Psalms and Isaiah in a season of exile to a simple way to read, reflect, wrestle, respond, and rest with the Gospels. Through the washing of the feet, the prodigal son, the works of mercy, and the loaves and fishes, they show how Scripture speaks directly into the everyday work of parenting. You'll come away encouraged that you don't need to be a scholar to open your Bible and hear God speak. Listen in! Key Points Our image of God is shaped by experience, while Scripture and Church teaching form our concept of God, and praying with Scripture brings the two into alignment. Scripture is not just history or poetry. Through it, God speaks to us personally. Because parents form their children's image of God, we need to be steeped in Scripture ourselves. The ordinary work of family life (serving, forgiving, feeding, clothing) is a real path to holiness. God prefers to work through our small, faithful efforts, multiplying what little we bring Him. Discussion Questions Where might your image of God be shaped more by past experiences than by who God reveals Himself to be in Scripture? What Scripture passage has changed you, and how could you share it with your spouse this week?
If I understand my child's feelings but refuse to guide them toward what is good, am I fully loving them? Summary What if empathy, one of the most important tools in parenting, can sometimes keep us from loving our children well? In this episode, Mike and Alicia explore the difference between understanding a child's feelings and allowing those feelings to guide every decision. Drawing on Scripture and the example of God's fatherly love, they talk honestly about compassion, authority, boundaries, service, and the deep delight parents are called to have in their children. You'll hear practical wisdom on how to love without becoming permissive. Like God's love for us, parental love should seek the child's good without rising and falling according to the child's behavior. Listen in! Key Points 1. Empathy helps us understand a child's feelings, but it should not determine every parenting decision. 2. Parental authority exists to protect, form, and guide—not to dominate. 3. God models a love that is compassionate, truthful, sacrificial, and steadfast. 4. Children need firm boundaries while knowing their behavior does not diminish their parents' love or delight in them. 5. Healthy detachment allows parents to guide children without making their choices a measure of parental success or worth. Discussion Questions 1. When can empathy become an excuse to avoid giving our children necessary corrections or consequences? 2. How can we communicate both "Nothing will make me stop loving you" and "This behavior is unacceptable"? Links Fr Josh date night Oct 28 - register on site, gifts to give and discounts!
Summary Marriage does not mean you will perfectly fulfill every need your spouse has, but we are called to be a channel of God's self-giving love. Join us for this powerful conversation with Devin Schadt author of The Marriage Gap: How to Understand, Communicate, and Meet Your Spouse's Four Deepest Needs. We explore the complementary needs of husbands and wives: security and respect, strength and beauty, closeness and physical intimacy, spiritual leadership and shared mission. Devin offers practical wisdom for expressing needs without shame, blame, or manipulation; building trust through attention and sacrifice; and leading a family through prayer. Discover why words can become a trailhead to your spouse's heart—and how grace can draw two people into deeper union. Listen together now.
"We have vastly overprotected our children in the real world. We have to give them more freedom." —Jonathan Haidt Summary How much freedom should you give your children—and how do you know when they're ready for more? In this episode, we explore one of parenting's challenging balancing acts: offering children room to grow while providing the guidance and security they still need. Through the relatable picture of teaching a child to swim or drive, we consider why freedom is an art, not a formula, and why every child may need something different. We will tell you some stories from our own experience of our kids' small failures which become valuable preparation for bigger decisions. We will also explain the danger of parents giving too much freedom too early and too little freedom later and why a strong relationship makes wise boundaries easier to receive. If you want to raise responsible, confident young adults while remaining a trusted and loving guide, listen in to this conversation to get some encouragement for your journey. Key Points Children need different levels of freedom depending on their maturity and readiness.
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. - Matthew 11:28 Summary Motherhood changes everything—and sometimes that transformation feels less like a beautiful makeover and more like someone rearranged your whole life while you were trying to sleep. In this honest, hopeful episode, Alicia and guest host Katie Gamboa explore the tension between self-care and sacrificial love. How do mothers give generously without running on empty? We also challenge today's impossible expectations: work, prepare healthy meals, raise happy children, keep the house running, and look effortlessly radiant while doing it all. Spoiler alert: no one was meant to mother alone.